Friday, June 30, 2006

Bush Down in Memphis Remembering "The King"

George W. Bush, down in Memphis today at Graceland with the Japanese prime minister, is thinking not only about "Good King Elvis," but also "Bad King George" of England -- the one who Thomas Jefferson lambasted in The Declaration of Independence back on July 4, 1776.

George W. is also thinking about other evil royalty -- like Queen Lili'uokalani of Hawaii -- and how she was an impediment to the spread of democracy and freedom -- exactly like King George of England was!

How do I know what George W is thinking, you ask? Because Me & George W. have amazingly similar lives. Here's some background on what we're thinking about today:

Hawaii, after a coup financed and directed by American interests overthrew the monarchy's last native Hawaiian leader, Queen Lili'uokalani, the island became a republic in 1894.

In 1898, the American president of the Republic of Hawai'i, Sanford Dole, James Dole's* cousin, agreed to the Republic's annexation by the United States.
(Citation here)

Me & George W. and Elvis know that when you're making pineapple juice you've got to do a little squeezing. If you know what I mean.

It's sometimes a prickly business, but ultimately the juice of freedom is worth it!


*"During the nineteenth century, the first American missionaries and then American business interests began to play major roles in the islands. Most notable were the powerful fruit and sugarcane corporations such as the Hawaiian Pineapple Company, founded by James Dole..."

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Thursday, June 29, 2006

Renaming Mt. McKinley to Honor Bush?

A regular reader, Grant Miller, in a comment to my post "Bush, Anticipating July 4th, Recalls McKinley's Prayer" says: "Mt. McKinley is the tallest in North America. Should it be renamed Mt. Bush after he leaves office? "

I think "Mount Bush" has sexual overtones that are not in keeping with George W.'s morally immaculate presidency. Those sex-crazed liberal comedians like Whoopie Goldberg would have a field day with that.

Still, I think you have the right idea about the bigness factor. Whatever is named for him must be colossal.

So instead of a mountain, I'm thinking as a resident of New York, The Empire State, I might volunteer Niagara Falls for consideration.

A remarkable place Niagara Falls. A great cataract complete with roaring and cleansing waters, misty rainbows, barrel-riding daredevils who bravely put their lives on the line to pursue the ultimate goal of personal freedom.

It's also a place where honeymooners go to lose themselves in the trancendental rush of Nature's power and majesty.

The kind of copulation that occurs there is focused not on pleasure, but on obeying God's injuction to be fruitful and multiply. It's conservative sex between one married man and one married woman who are married to each other. Not liberal sex which issues forth liberal social policies which lead to laziness, loafing, and finally, damnation.

I don't know about you, but I think this has a great ring to it: Welcome to Bush Falls!


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Bush Anticipates July 4th: Remembers Guatemala!

George W. Bush, like every good American, North and South, is thinking about the American Revolution, the Founding Fathers, and the Declaration of Independence as the Fourth of July approaches.

He is also thinking about the other grand insurgencies and counter-insurgencies from America's past.

How do I know, you ask? Because Me & George W. have amazingly similar lives. Here's what we're are thinking about today:



Colonel Jacobo Arbenz Guzmán was president of Guatemala from 1951 to 1954, when he was ousted in a coup d'état organized by the US Central Intelligence Agency, known as Operation PBSUCCESS, and was replaced by a military junta, headed by Colonel Carlos Castillo Armas, plunging the country into chaos and long-lasting political turbulence. (Citation here)



From the 1950s to the 1990s (with a suspension of military aid between 1977 and 1982), the US government directly supported Guatemala's army with training, weapons and money. The United States Army Special Forces (Green Berets) went to Guatemala to transform its army into a "modern counter-insurgency force," and made it the most powerful and sophisticated in Central America. Citation here.


Me & George W. say "Ha!" to those cut and run liberals who don't believe that the American military can train up an Iraqi military to defend Iraqi freedom!

Me & George W. know, unlike those weak, effeminate liberals, that we Americans have done it before, and we will do it again!


God bless the American military!

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Bush on Line-Item Veto: "Set Politics Aside" -- Sark Says Same, But Simpler

George W. Bush made a speech yesterday asking for passage of an executive line-item veto as crucial to controlling out-of-control government spending on wasteful government programs, exclusive of defense spending, which as President Bush is right to point out is, of course, non-discretionary.

I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is remarkably similar to George W. Bush's made similar remarks yesterday, too. Read what Me & George W. said and see if you don't agree!

PRESIDENT BUSH (June 27, 2006, Marriott Hotel, Washington, D.C.): "...I know this town is full of all kinds of politics, but we ought to set politics aside. We need to set politics aside when it comes to reforming Social Security and Medicare, and we need to set politics aside so that the President can work with the Congress to bring fiscal discipline to our budgets. That's what the taxpayers expect from those of us who are honored to serve.

PAUL M. SARK (June 27, 2006, McCann's Lounge, New York City): "...We all know D.C. is full of politics, especially bone-headed liberal politics. But we need to cut Social Security and Medicare to the bone, and then throw the bone away. That's what taxpayers want: for government to remove that bone of contention from the table. Social Security is a liberal boner that must never be swallowed again! It interferes with fiscal responsibility and personal freedom. If you know what I mean!

I think my remarks from yesterday really drive the point home compared to the remarks George W.'s new speech writers came up with. (Michael Gerson who's been writing his speeches for the last 7 years retired from his post a couple of weeks ago).

Plain, bone simple language, bleached in the transparent sun of free-market freedom: that's what the American people expect from their leaders!


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Bush Anticipates July Fourth -- Remembers Victory in Panama

George W. Bush, in the run-up to the big July Fourth celebration this year, is not only thinking about the American Revolutionary War and the Declaration of Independence, but is also thinking about the other grand patriotic wars and invasions and documents from America's past.

How do I know that? Because Me & George W. have amazingly similar lives. Here's what Me & George are thinking about today:


Back in 1903 after the Colombian senate refused to ratify the proposed Hay-Herrán Treaty [agreement between the United States and Colombia providing for U.S. control of the prospective Panama Canal and for U.S. acquisiton of a canal zone], a U.S. navy warship, the Nashville, prevented the landing of additional Colombian troops in Panama, thus contributing to the success of the Panamanian revolution. [Theodore] Roosevelt immediately recognized the new republic of Panama, and the Panama Canal was begun. Roosevelt's policy in Latin America prepared the way for "dollar diplomacy" in that area. (Citation here).


Back in 1989 George H.W. Bush's invasion of Panama, "Operation Just Cause," removed Manuel Noriega, Panamanian general and the de facto military leader of Panama.

Noriega was initially a strong ally of the United States, and also worked for the CIA from the late 1950s to 1986 [George H.W. Bush was CIA Director from 1976 to 1977, and so probably didn't really have a chance to get to know Noriega; otherwise he probably would have fired him for being an evildoer]. By the late 1980s relations had turned extremely tense between Noriega and the United States government, and in 1989 the general was overthrown and captured in the United States invasion of Panama. He was taken to the United States, tried for drug trafficking, and imprisoned in 1992.


May God bless George W.'s father, George H.W. Bush and Theodore Roosevelt for standing up to evil dictators like Noriega and to those lazy Columbian Senators who refused to ratify that treaty in a timely and efficient manner and held back the progress of freedom in our American hemisphere!


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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Bush, Anticipating July 4th, Recalls McKinley's Prayer

In the run-up to the big July Fourth celebration this year, I'm sure George W. Bush is thinking about the other grand patriotic wars from America's past.

He studied history at Yale, you know, so he knows all about history and about how not knowing about it condemns you to repeat it.

Anyway, I'm sure that this is one of George W.'s favorite war stories -- I know it's one of mine -- where President McKinley prays for guidance on what to do with all those Catholics in the Phillipines after Admiral Dewey and General Smith conquered them. Here's the story:


The acquisition of the Philippines--with its 7 million inhabitants, 85% of whom were Roman Catholics--placed or threatened to place the U.S. in the
invidious position of running a colonial empire. President William McKinley, who on the whole favored keeping the Philippines...resolved his dilemma by putting it into a religious context:

"I am not ashamed to tell you, Gentlemen, [of the Senate] that I went down on my knees and prayed Almighty God for light and guidance that one night. And one night later it came to me this way. ... There was nothing left for us to do but to take them all and to educate the Filipinos and uplift and civilize ... them, and by God's grace do the very best we could by them, as our fellow men for whom Christ also died." (Quoted from Forbes Magazine, 11.28.05

I just can't help but think how fortunate we Americans are to have another good Christian in the White House nowadays as we uplift and civilize our fellow men and women in Iraq!

May God bless George W. Bush and William McKinley for standing up for praying for American freedom!

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Monday, June 26, 2006

Bush Looks Forward to July 4th: Remembers Earlier Wars

There's sure to be a big 4th of July celebration this year in Washington, D.C. After all, almost all of George W.'s wars have been going extremely well, and so there's lots to celebrate!

There's the War on Flag Burning, the War on Secular Humanists and Left-Wing Professors, the War on Same Sex Marriages and Gay Celebrities, the War on Liberals Who Don't Want English To Be America's Language, the War on Tree Huggers and Global Warming Crazies Like Al Gore. There's the critical War on Taxes, and the War on the Death Tax, which Me & George W. are particularly focused on.

And of course, we're winning the biggest one of all, the War on Terror. We're all sleeping a whole lot better now because of how super well that war is going!

All great wars, all good causes.

But in the run-up to 4th of July celebration, I thought it might be a good idea to think about some of the other great patriotic wars of America's past. As a student of history -- George W. Bush studied history at Yale -- I'm sure he's thinking about some of these same great wars from the past, too. Just like me.

I thought I'd start with one of my favorite wars, The Spanish American War. I'm sure it's one of George W.'s, too. Here's what Wikipedia says about it:

The first battle was in the Philippines where, on May 1, 1898, Commodore George Dewey, commanding the United States Pacific fleet, in a matter of hours, defeated the Spanish squadron, under Admiral Patricio Montojo y Pasarón, without sustaining a casualty at sea, at the Battle of Manila Bay.

The Phillipines was also where U.S. General Jacob H. Smith issued his famous order, "Kill everyone over ten!"

_____________________________________

I don't know if George W. is familiar with this poem by John Ashbery about Admiral Dewey. I'd never heard of it; my wife though reads poetry and suggested I include it in this post. Me & George W. don't have time for poetry, so I haven't read it, but you poetry lovers out there might like it, so here it is:

______________________________________

Memories of Imperialism

Dewey took Manila
and soon after invented the decimal system
that keeps libraries from collapsing even unto this day.
A lot of mothers immediately started naming their male offspring "Dewey,"
which made him queasy. He was already having second thoughts about imperialism.
In his dreams he saw library books with milky numbers
on their spines floating in Manila Bay.
Soon even words like "vanilla" or "mantilla" would cause him to vomit.
The sight of a manila envelope precipitated him
into his study, where all day, with the blinds drawn,
he would press fingers against temples, muttering "What have I done?"
all the while. Then, gradually, he began feeling a bit better.
The world hadn't ended. He'd go for walks in his old neighborhood,
marveling at the changes there, or at the lack of them. "If one is
to go down in history, it is better to do so for two things
rather than one," he would stammer, none too meaningfully.

One day his wife took him aside
in her boudoir, pulling the black lace mantilla from her head
and across her bare breasts until his head was entangled in it.
"Honey, what am I supposed to say?" "Say nothing, you big boob.
Just be glad you got away with it and are famous." "Speaking of
boobs . . . " "Now you're getting the idea. Go file those books
on those shelves over there. Come back only when you're finished."

To this day schoolchildren wonder about his latter career
as a happy pedant, always nice with children, thoughtful
toward their parents. He wore a gray ceramic suit
walking his dog, a "bouledogue," he would point out.
People would peer at him from behind shutters, watchfully,
hoping no new calamities would break out, or indeed

that nothing more would happen, ever, that history had ended.
Yet it hadn't, as the admiral himself
would have been the first to acknowledge.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Bush's Leadership Genius: And Mine, Too!

In The Leadership Genius of George W. Bush: 10 Common Sense Lessons from the Commander-in-Chief (79 used & new available from $1.80 at Amazon) authors Carolyn B. Thompson, Jim Ware, James W. Ware, do a remarkable job of showing how uncannily the lives of Me & George W. really are!

If you don't believe me, just take a look at these chapter headings, click on the links to selected Me & George W. blog entries and see what I mean!


1. What Do You Stand For?
Identify Core Values

2. Where Are You Going?
Inspire Through Vision

3. Can I Trust You?
Become Credible

4. Bring in the Right People, Part One
Don't Be Afraid to Hire People Smarter Than You

5. Bring in the Right People, Part Two
(Yes, it's the same citation)
Leave 'Em Alone

6. Encourage Collaboration
Build Alliances

8. If It's Noon, I Must Be Jogging
Be Disciplined and Focus

9. Intuitive Wisdom
Trust Your Instincts

10. Getting Results
Hold People Accountable

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Bush 'Spontaneous', 'Free' And So Is Sark!

In A Charge to Keep, George W. Bush's 1999 autobiography written with Karen Hughes (134 used & new available from $0.50 at Amazon), George W. and Karen Hughes write things about faith and freedom that are remarkably similar to some of the things that I have written!

Read what George W. wrote, and then read what I wrote to see how uncannily similar Me & George W. really are!

Excerpt from A Charge to Keep (Morrow, 1999, pg. 6), by George W. Bush and Karen Hughes: My faith frees me. Frees me to put the problem of the moment in proper perspective. Frees me to make decisions that others might not like. Frees me to try to do the right thing, even though it may not poll well. Frees me to enjoy life and not worry about what comes next. I've never plotted the various steps of my life, certainly never campaigned for one office to try to position myself for the next. I am more spontaneous than that. I live in the moment, seize opportunities and try to make the most of them.

Excerpt from Paul M. Sark's Journal (Sark, 1999, pg. 7), by Paul M. Sark: My faith in freedom free me. Frees me to make decisions that others might not like, like crashing weddings and reading other people's emails. Not that I'm planning to do that, of course, but I will if freedom calls me to do so. I've never plotted the various steps of my life. I am more spontaneous than that. I live in the moment, seize opportunities and try to make the most of them. That's what frees me to do the right thing, though weak and effeminate liberals might not like it. Frees me to enjoy life and not worry about what comes next. Free. Free. Free. That's me, me, me!


Uncanny that Me & George W. were thinking the same even back in 1999, isn't it? I guess we've both always had a laser-like focus on faith and freedom. And I guess it pretty obvious that the freedom-loving, faith-based policies of Me and George W. have well served the interests of the American people and all the other free people in the world who have embraced the universal principles of faith and freedom.

Free, free, free -- That's me, me, Me & George W.!

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Thursday, June 22, 2006

Bush Resolute in Facing Criticism -- So's Sark!

Me & George W. typically don't answer our critics. We usually let others like Scooter Libby, Ann Coulter and my brother, Don, do the answering, while we continue pursuing our high-minded, freedom-building policies with laser-like focus.

But today I receieved another negative comment from "Bored with You and George W.". And in this special circumstance, I feel compelled to directly reply to this "person" (as I did yesterday), because there are important principles at stake for the American people. George W. Bush did the same to some liberal reporter in Austria yesterday, too.

To shirk my duty to the American people would dishonor Me & George W., the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, and of course, the flag and God Himself!

First, read "Bored with You and George W."'s comment from today, followed by my principled reply:

"Bored with You and George W." said:
You calling me a liberal in response to my comment is exactly what I expected you would do -- and therefore BORING!

Why don't you and George W. attack some other country? That at least was exciting for a while.

And with mid-term elections coming up you and George W. are going to need a boost in the polls.

But then again, another invasion will probably turn out to be boring in the end, too.

Pardon me while I yawn...

Here's my reply:

Dear "Bored with You & George W.":

You are not only a liberal, you are probably one of those human rights advocates who always single out the United States for criticism on its few minor "human rights infractions" while you give all the evil dictators a free pass for all the torturing and killing they do and no one ever hears about.

When we torture and kill people, We The People, as citizens in a transparent democracy, always punish the torturers and killers. That's what makes us special. First, we call the evil-doers un-American. Then, we give them fair trials because, after all, we believe in justice in America. Then, we usually court-martial the evil-doers to show our displeasure. By the way, in my opinion, being called un-American is probably the most severe punishment of all of these.

Where were you human rights advocates when Saddam Hussein was torturing and killing people? You were kissing up to Bill Clinton, trying to make it okay for gays in the military. That was clearly a form of torture for our brave straight men and straight women in the military. Not to know if your bunkmate or shipmate wants to mate with you? That's the kind of sick behavior you liberals advocate! Where in the Constitution does it say that's okay? Where in the Bible for that matter?

Without principles, we might as well close up shop and call ourselves a dictatorship!

God bless American Transparency! And May God Smite Unprincipled Human Rights Advocates! Hard! Really Hard!

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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

George W. Bush and the Grand March to Freedom

Yesterday, I received a negative comment from a certain "Bored with You and George W.":

I've got to say I'm bored with the whole Me & George W. thing.

All you ever do is do what George W. does, and he does the same thing over and over and over. And so do you because you're so similar to him.

It's all getting a little thin, if you ask me.


Obviously, "Bored with You and George W." doesn't understand is that when Me & and George W. do something over and over and over again, that we're doing it because highly focused on our objectives. To some that may be boring. To some it may be dull.

To some it may even be a reason to "tune out" Me & George W. completely. Turn to other activities or pursuits. Wash the car, brush the dog, wash and brush the dog and wax the car.

Well, what people got to understand is that boredom is not an excuse. Real Americans should be 100% focused on what Me & George W. are focused on. We're fighting a War on Terror, for God's sake! We're making Progress in Iraq! And every single day we are a day closer to the glorious end of the Grand March to Freedom, the day when we will all link arms and march into the Realm of Absolute Freedom together!

Those who are "bored," who don't have the stamina for the Grand March to Freedom, who are out of step with their fellow Americans and the rest of the free world are either going have to keep up or become yet another weak-ass, whining liberal, left behind, choking in our dust on the road to revelation. The choice is yours, America!

May God Bless Freedom.

And May God, in his Infinite Wisdom, Smite the Bored! Hard!

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Saturday, June 17, 2006

Bush Triumphant in Iraq. Sark Same in Greenwich Village!

President George W. Bush recounted his sensational trip to Baghdad last week in his Saturday radio address. Similarly, I recounted my remarkable experience last week in Greenwich Village during my Father's Day brunch address.

Both Me & George W. continue to stike blows for freedom. We are in the business of freedom for the long haul. Read what George W. said, and then read what I said if you don't believe me.

PRESIDENT BUSH (Saturday Radio Address): I traveled to Baghdad to personally show our Nation's commitment to a free Iraq, because it is vital for the Iraqi people to know with certainty that America will not abandon them after we have come this far. The challenges that remain in Iraq are serious. We face determined enemies who remain intent on killing the innocent, and defeating these enemies will require more sacrifice and the continued patience of our country.

PAUL M. SARK (Father's Day Brunch Address): I traveled to Greenwhich Village to personally show our Nation's commitment to a free Greenwich Village, because it is vital for the non-gay people there to know with certainty that America will not abandon them to the unfreedoms imposed on them by the enemy, who, in their icky gay way, are like Iraqi insurgents and Mexican immigrants. The challenges that remain in Greenwich Village are serious. We face determined enemies who remain intent on preying upon innocent tourists from out of town who don't know what gay people look like, and defeating these enemies will require more sacrifice and the continued patience of our country!


You'll notice that in the last sentence of my address there's an exclamation point. That's because I had to shout at the end of my address to drown out my liberal sister-in-law, Ginger. As regular readers of this blog know, Ginger, like most liberals, has trouble with authority generally and me and my policies specifically, especially those policies that deal with my accidentally reading her email and crashing her best friend's wedding.

But what Ginger and liberals like her got to understand is that when it comes to spreading freedom, nothing will stand in the way of Me & George W.!

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George W. Bush Looking Forward to Father's Day -- And I Am, Too!

George W. Bush woke up this morning looking forward to Father's Day.

To breakfast in bed. Slippers fitted to presidential feet just before they hit the floor. To an extra glass of orange juice and a second coffee on the couch. To late morning phone calls from hungover daughters. To laying in the hammock dozing, listening to the ballgame in the late afternoon. To a nice dinner followed by satisfying, if perfunctory, conjugality with his wife.

How do I know all that? Because, as I believe I have shown in most of the entries below, my life is very similar to George W. Bush's life and that is what I woke up thinking about this morning.

I also had some thoughts this morning that might not be exactly similar to George W.'s thoughts. I thought, for example, about that new project director at the office, Gemmma, who was moved into the cubicle outside my office yesterday. I thought about her breasts, so artfully displayed, gently framed by the low-cut summer dress she wore. Flowered it was, the dress. Rustling when she walked by.

But, then again, who knows? Maybe George W. has a new staffer who was wearing a similar dress about whom he made similar observations. I have not been able to confirm this. The media tends not to report on these types of items, not even FoxNews.

I am sure, however, that Me & George W. agree that women really belong in the home and not in the workplace -- with the exception of attractive young women, who, because they are seeking husbands and eventually children, do need to be in places where there are eligible men for them to flirt with, to make mistakes with and errors of judgment with, to cry on the shoulders of more experienced older men with, some of whom may or may not be married.

Then I thought about the Sazerac cocktail, arguing with myself whether it should be served in an old-fashioned glass or in a martini glass. The old-fashioned glass is the traditional glass for the Sazerac. But recently, I was served a Sazerac in a martini glass, and found the experience intriguing.

Bearing the Sazerac like a precious chalice, the waitress serving me had to tread lightly so as not to spill it. As she walked toward me across the length of the restaurant, she radiated a kind of saintly concentration. When at last, without spilling a drop, she placed it before me, I didn't know whether to bless her or ask for her telephone number. Obviously, none of this would never have happened with an old-fashioned glass.

As traditional conservatives, Me & George W. believe that women belong in the home and Sazerac cocktails belong in old-fashioned glasses. But as modern conservatives, we are open to incremental change as well, especially when it involves attractive young women in positions of service. Which, when you think about it, is actually an updated traditionalist view.

I don't know whether Laura Bush will serve George Bush a Sazerac cocktail in a martini glass or an old-fashioned glass tomorrow night before and/or after dinner. Or whether it will be an attractive young White House staffer in a low-cut summmer dress. All I know is that one day a year, Father's Day, Me & George W. get to laze around the house and be treated in the traditional fashion we so richly deserve!


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Friday, June 16, 2006

Another Bush Victory for Freedom -- Residential Privacy Banned

On a roll this week after his sensational trip to Baghdad, George W. Bush was thrilled to hear he had scored another victory yesterday in the War on Terror when the Supreme Court decided that police in the United States who enter a home illegally without knocking and find incriminating evidence can use it in a trial.

How do I know that George W. Bush was thrilled when none of the media accounts said so? Simple. Because I was. As regular readers of this blog know, Me & George W. have amazingly similar lives. And if I'm thrilled, then George W. Bush is thrilled.

Here's why we were thrilled: Now police can illegally enter the homes of terrorists and other undesireables such as gay couples planning to get married in Massachusetts or illegal immigrants planning to collect welfare and get major elective surgery for free at U.S. hospitals. How great is that?

Police can gather evidence against these evildoers -- bombs, wedding clothes and maps with hospitals circled in red -- without having to worry about these tell-tale signs of evil being thrown out of court by liberal judges.

Of course, liberals, like they always do, are already asking their weak, nit-picky questions like: "Shouldn't citizens have a right to privacy in their homes?"

Me & George W. know that people who are not terrorists, not gays planning marriage andnot immigrants planning surgery, have nothing to fear from this ruling. Only known members Al-Queda and their affiliates, people who are planning to commit crimes against nature and against U.S. borders will be targeted by police.

Anti-war protesters, no matter how liberal and extreme and anti-American they are, have nothing to fear. Unless they have bombs, wedding dresses or tuxedos or other such contraband in their homes or the homes of their affiliates or their affiliates' affiliates.

According to the San Franciso Chronicle, "The Supreme Court said police intrusions on residential privacy are adequately restrained by several factors -- including "the increasing professionalism of police forces'' -- without suppressing evidence that is obtained with a search warrant."

In other words, just like our increasingly professional soldiers, our increasingly professional police can be trusted to do the right thing. Just as progress is being made in Iraq, progress is being made in police departments across the United States to protect the rights of the innocent and abridge the rights of the guilty. Americans can all breathe a little easier starting...well, starting right now!

I know I'm planning to go out, have a few drinks and breathe a little easier starting tonight. I assume George W. will do the same!

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Thursday, June 15, 2006

Bush Pro-Freedom, Anti-Poverty -- Sark Says Same!

President George Bush today made a speech at Global Development's 2006 National Summit in Washington, D.C. where he talked about the correlation between freedom and prosperity.

A few days ago I made a similar speech to a beggar in Brooklyn. Given the remarkable similarity between Me & George W.'s lives, it's perhaps not surprising that certain sections of our speeches were very similar.

Read what George Bush said, followed by what I said, and see for yourself:

PRESIDENT BUSH (to Global Development's 2006 Summit attendees): I believe there's a correlation between prosperity and freedom. And this country of ours will continue to pursue an agenda that understands that human liberty is universal. It's just not a U.S. thing, it's its own -- liberty is something that everybody yearns for. And the freer the world becomes, the more prosperous the world becomes and the more likely people will not be mired in poverty.

PAUL M. SARK (to Beggar on 7th Avenue, Brooklyn): I believe there's an inverse correlation between freedom and taxes. This country of ours will continue to pursue an agenda that understands that human liberty and the desire for lower taxes is universal. Liberty and lower taxes is something that everybody yearns for. And the freer the world becomes of taxes, the more prosperous the world becomes and the more likely people will not be mired in poverty.

I assume George W. Bush got a rousing round of applause for his speech. In my case, the beggar, overwhelmed with emotion, turned away and shambled off down the street, no doubt nourished by my message of freedom as he retired to his piss-stained perch on the steps of the Szechaun place down the block.

God bless freedom and lower taxes!

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Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Bush Makes Suprise Trip to Iraq -- Sark Surprises Greenwich Village

President George W. Bush, radiating the same "Mission Accomplished" manliness he displayed a few years ago in declaring the "end of major conflict" in Iraq, made a brief speech in Baghdad during a surprise visit to the Green Zone in that city yesterday.

I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is amazingly similar to George W.'s, made a similar surprise visit yesterday to New York's Greenwich Village and made some uncannily similar remarks. Read on and see what I mean.

PRESIDENT BUSH in Green Zone in Baghdad: Iraq is a part of the war on terror. Iraq is a central front on that war, and when Iraq succeeds in having a government of and by and for the people of Iraq, you will have dealt a serious blow to those who have a vision of darkness, who don't believe in liberty, who are willing to kill the innocent in order to achieve a political objective.

ME, PAUL M. SARK in Greenwich Village in New York City: Greenwich Village is a central front in the war on homosexual marriage. When Greenwich Village succeeds in having a government of and by and for the real people of Greenwich Village and the American people, we will have dealt a serious blow to those who have a vision of darkness, who don't believe in the liberty of one man-one woman marriage, and who are willing to prey upon the weak minds of liberals and their fellow travelers in order to achieve their disgusting, vile and anti-Christian political objectives!

Me & George W. know that surprise visits to dangerous and exotic locales are important because it shows the American people and the world that Americans are manly, decisive and persistent in the face of adversity. We'd really rather not have to be show-offs, but America and the world expects it of its leaders and deciders.

We also know that it's best not to give too much advance warning about these manly missions, and that it's a good idea not to stick around too long either. Sticking around is show-offy, too, and Me & George W., as strong laconic American men in the mold of Ronald Reagan, dislike show-offiness in all its degraded forms. Preening is for liberals, transvestites and cross-dressers.

After my speech on the corner of West 4th and 6th, for instance, I waited for about half a minute for questions. When none were forthcoming, I bowed and jumped on the subway, confident that I had served as a beacon of hope and liberty to the embattled residents of Greenwich Village, just as George W. did in Baghdad.

May God bless Greenwich Village! And for that matter, Iraq, too!

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Al-Zarqawi -- Dead or Alive -- Does Not Matter, Says American Public

According to a recent CBS poll "half of Americans think the level of violence in Iraq will be unchanged by Zarqawi's death, while 30 percent say it will actually lead to more attacks against U.S. forces."

My own private poll which I administered at McCann's Lounge last night finds that 80% of Americans don't trust polls in general, and 95% don't trust polls from CBS, that most liberal of liberal networks.

My poll also found that 100% of Americans think the level of violence in Iraq will go down dramatically with al-Zarqawi's death. In the words of one respondent: "With Zarqawi dead his followers won't know what the hell to do. They'll probably just wander off into the desert and die. And dead terrorists are the best kind."

When informed that al-Zarqawi was spotted in New York City on two recent occasions, both times with his gay Mexican immigrant boyfriend, the same respondent said: "Well that's entirely different. He could cause real damage to U.S. morality, especially if he and his boyfriend get married."

This same respondent then encouraged the entire population of McCann's to light torches, find al-Zarqawi and his boyfriend, and bring them to justice. "Torture" was suggested as one possible outcome of the administration of justice, and "extraordinary rendition" was another.

The margin of sampling error on the McCann's Lounge Al-Zarqawi poll is +/- 3 percentage points at the 50th percentile.

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Monday, June 12, 2006

Reports of Al-Zarqawi's Death Greatly Exaggerated -- Again!

According to yet another well-placed source, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the mastermind behind hundreds of bombings, kidnappings and beheadings in Iraq, was spotted walking the streets on New York's Madison Avenue wearing white Ralph Lauren shorts today. (See post below for first sighting).

The source spotted him with another male, presumably his boyfriend (see two previous posts below). The other male was speaking to Zarqawi in Spanish, and is thought to be a Mexican immigrant.

This latest eyewitness account of al-Zarqawi cruising the streets of New York proves that New York City is incapable of capturing terrorists and executing them, and also incapable of rooting out and deporting marriageable homosexuals and Mexican immigrants.

It's this kind of incompetence that proves New York deserved to have its Federal anti-terror grant money cut. Me & George W. know that until they can clean up their streets they shouldn't get another penny of the American people's hard-earned tax money.

Yes, once again liberal New Yorkers and terrorists have put American lives in danger like they did on 9/11. Not only in danger of terrorist attacks, but in danger of gay Mexican immigrant predators who will stop at nothing to destroy the one-man one-woman tradition of American marriage!

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Sunday, June 11, 2006

Reports of Al-Zarqawi's Death Greatly Exaggerated

According to a well-placed source, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the mastermind behind hundreds of bombings, kidnappings and beheadings in Iraq, was spotted walking the streets in New York's hip Chelsea district wearing cutoff jeans.

The semi-confidential source spotted him with his boyfriend. Recognizing al-Zarqawi's legs, the source immediately contacted me, Paul M. Sark, who, as regular readers of this blog know, has a life that is amazingly similar to that of George W. Bush, and is therefore very interested in the whereabouts of gay immigrant terrorists.

This eyewitness account of al-Zarqawi cruising the streets of New York (see Zhiluv's comment in post below) confirms what Me & George W. have always known: that until the Constitution is amended to forever affirm that marriage in America is between one man and one woman, then America will continue to be a haven for gay immigrant terrorists.

As to whether al-Zarqawi and his boyfriend will be getting married in Massachusetts (see my post immediately below), the source was not able to provide any new information. Another well-placed source notes that is conceivable that Al-Zarqawi will put his evil "mastermind" to use as an interior designer among Manhattan's liberal cognoscenti, and may be biding his time waiting for the liberal activist judges in New York to rule in favor of gay marriage.

"Although he was a high-school dropout," said the source, "he has shown himself to a highly effective and determined manager. That's what counts in New York, especially in New York's Silk Stocking district on the Upper East Side. The Park Avenue crowd hates it when designers can't meet deadlines." "One thing for sure," the source concluded, "he'll be a whiz in the demolition stage of apartment renovation."

Me & George W. know this all could have been avoided if only Congress had had the moral courage to support the pro-staight marriage amendment last week. Now we'll have to fight them over here when we all know we were fighting them over there so we wouldn't have to fight them here!

And so, once again the liberals have put American lives in danger. Not only in danger of terrorist attacks, but in danger of gay predators who will stop at nothing to destroy the one-man one-woman tradition of American marriage!

May God continue to bless America and George W. in the face of this perversion of American freedom!

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Saturday, June 10, 2006

Zarqawi Killed But Gay Marriage Still Stands

By now the whole world knows that last week, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the mastermind behind hundreds of bombings, kidnappings and beheadings in Iraq, was killed early Wednesday by a U.S. airstrike north of Baghdad.


But what most people don't know -- except for Me & George W. and a few others -- is this:
Not only was al-Zarqawi a terrorist, he was gay and had just booked a flight to Massachusetts so that he could marry his terrorist boyfriend!

That's right. And now think about this: On Wednesday the Senate rejected a constitutional amendment to support non-gay marriage, effectively killing the measure in the Senate for this year.

Me & George W. know that the Constitutional amendment supporting non-gay marriage needs to be brought up again for a vote immediately. And that the immigration bill must be passed. Both measures are critical to keeping America safe, strong and straight!

God bless American freedom! Death to gay immigrant Islamic terrorists!

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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Bush Not Worried About Senate Voting Down Anti-Gay Marriage Amendment -- Sark Says Same!

Today, the Senate rejected a constitutional amendment to support non-gay marriage, effectively killing the measure in the Senate for this year.

But Me & George W. are not worried about this temporary setback. We know that the American people are outraged! Really outraged! Appalled! Fearful!


George W. Bush suggested the Constitutional ban was proper and its time would eventually come. Not surprisingly, given the similarity between the lives of Me & George W.,I suggested almost exactly the same thing to my friends at McCann's Lounge tonight.

Read what George W. said, then read what I said:
PRESIDENT BUSH: "Our nation's founders set a high bar for amending our Constitution and history has shown us that it can take several tries before an amendment builds the two-thirds support it needs in both houses of Congress.''

PAUL M. SARK: "History – I'm thinking of Prohibition here – has shown us that banning bad habits – like homosexuality -- can take several tries before the American people and their duly elected representatives are able to stem the tide of Godless liberal socialist Darwinist degeneracy."

You see, Me & George W. know that nothing makes God and the American people madder than gay people drinking and having perverted sex.

Unless it's gays getting married and getting the same marriage tax break from activist liberal judges that man/woman marriages get.

Or illegal immigrants getting drunk and having scads of bastard kids on welfare that real Americans have to foot the bill for.

Or gay illegal immigrants who want real Americans to pay their college tuition so they can become gay liberal professors and prey on American youth, and who at the same time agitate to change the national language from English to Spanish!

That's why a Constiutional amendment supporting non-gay marriage is critical to keeping America safe, strong, sober, and straight. God bless American freedom!

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Tuesday, June 06, 2006

George W. Bush Endorses Non-Gay Marriage Again -- And So Do I!

George W. Bush today made remarks on the sanctity of non-gay marriage, saying nearly the same thing he said Saturday in his radio address.

But for those of us whose lives are amazingly similar to George W. Bush's -- and that number is growing despite what liberal pollsters say -- we know that "nearly the same" is not the same as "exactly the same."


Regular readers of this blog know that Me & George W. are similar because we are not only deciders, but also because we are repeaters. And so, in the interest of demonstrating once again the value and the power of repeating things with slight variations to drive home a point, here's what George W. said Saturday, followed by what he said Monday. These passages are then are followed by what I said Saturday and Monday.

Notice how in repeating ourselves we add more nuance to the debate over non-gay marriage!

PRESIDENT BUSH (Saturday Radio Address): "As this debate goes forward, we must remember that every American deserves to be treated with tolerance, respect, and dignity. All of us have a duty to conduct this discussion with civility and decency toward one another, and all people deserve to have their voices heard."

PRESIDENT BUSH (Monday, Eisenhower Executive Office Bldg.): "As this debate goes forward, every American deserves to be treated with tolerance and respect and dignity. On an issue of this great significance, opinions are strong and emotions run deep."

Now here's what I said at McCann's on Saturday, followed by what I said Monday:

PAUL M. SARK (Saturday at McCann's): "As this debate goes forward, we must remember that there can be no debate when it comes to evil men in [judicial] robes who want to legalize the perversion of the next generation of American boys and then claim a tax deduction to boot!"

PAUL M. SARK (Monday at McCann's):"As this debate goes forward, we must remember that there can be no debate when it comes to filthy liberal activist judges in judicial robes who, disgustingly, wear no underwear because it cramps their homosexual need for instantaneous degenerate sex. Significantly, these judges want to legalize the perversion of the next generation of American boys and then claim a strong and deep tax deduction to boot!"

Me & George W. know that after deciding comes repeating. And with repeating, comes elaboration to drive the point home. And to that point, Me & George W., as we so much like to say, once again say, God bless America, and God bless American freedom!

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Sunday, June 04, 2006

George W. Bush Endorses Non-Gay Marriage -- And So Do I!

In his radio address on Saturday, George W. Bush said that there must be an amendment to the Constitution to define marriage as the union of a man and a woman. In my address at McCann's on Friday night I said almost exactly the same thing!

Read what George W. Bush said, then read what I said and see if you don't agree Me & George W. have uncannily similar lives!

THE PRESIDENT:Next week, the United States Senate will begin debate on a constitutional amendment that defines marriage in the United States as the union of a man and woman.

...An amendment to the Constitution is necessary because activist courts have left our Nation with no other choice.

...As this debate goes forward, we must remember that every American deserves to be treated with tolerance, respect, and dignity.

And here's what I said at McCann's:

PAUL M. SARK: Next week, the United States Senate will begin debate on a constitutional amendment that will prevent forever homosexuals getting the marriage tax deduction as a reward for their perversion.

...An amendment to the Constitution is necessary because liberal judges, many of them gay predators, encourage this abomination so they can have all the sex they want with altar boys like the Catholic priests do. What is it about guys in robes anyway?

...As this debate goes forward, we must remember that there can be no debate when it comes to evil men in robes who want to legalize the perversion of the next generation of American boys and then claim a tax deduction to boot!

I think it's pretty clear that Me & George W. share similar ideas about the rightness of non-gay marriage. And so, as we so much like to say, God bless America, and God bless American freedom!

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Saturday, June 03, 2006

White House Opens Door to Dissenters -- And So Do I!

According to an article in today's Washington Post, a "White House long accused of squelching internal dissent and ignoring outside viewpoints has been reaching out in its moment of weakness to prominent figures who have disagreed with the president."

Not surprisingly, given the uncanny similarity between the lives of me & George W., I, Paul M. Sark have been reaching out, too. Here's what I mean:
According to the Post, White House communications director Nicolle Wallace said: "The notion that there hasn't been debate here over the last 5 1/2 years is flat wrong. But it's also true that there's more people with more ideas and perspectives, and that's good."

According to Paul M. Sark, Paul M. Sark said: "The notion that I haven't pretended to listen to the ridiculous opinions of my liberal sister-in-laws over the last 15 1/2 years is flat nuts. But it's also true that now that they've all either got husbands or boyfriends there's a lot more people with more ridiculous liberal ideas and perspectives -- if you can call them that. And that's good in a way because now they're so busy splitting hairs on their anti-American liberal positions that I can think about freedom without all the interruption."

In an example of the new openness at the White House, the Post story said:
"When retired Gen. Barry R. McCaffrey criticized the Bush administration's handling of the Iraq war three years ago, he was lambasted as an armchair general and deemed an adversary by the Pentagon. So even McCaffrey was surprised to find himself in the Oval Office this week giving President Bush his thoughts on Iraq.

In an example of the new openness in the Sark House, Paul M. Sark said:
"When my sister-in-law Ginger criticized my reading her email and crashing her best friend's wedding, I lambasted her as an enemy of freedom and an adversary of liberty. I'll bet Ginger was suprised I was willing to eat lunch with her at Bennigan's two Saturday's ago, and even more surprised I was willing to hear her ridiculous comparison of a malfunctioning fire alarm to torture at that prison in Iraq."


Me & George W. know that sometimes in the interest of spreading American freedom, you've got to give your enemies the impression they have a say in things. Lull them to sleep, then -- bang! -- you hit 'em with a bunker buster and declare victory.

Then, before they know what hit them, you move on to the next threat against universal freedom and liberty, leaving your enemies in the dust with their antique ideas about democracy spinning round and round in their liberal heads and that "cuckoo, cuckoo" sound ringing in their ears.

God bless American freedom!

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Thursday, June 01, 2006

George W. Endorses Secrecy at Hayden Swearing-In -- And I Do, Too!

Yesterday, George W. Bush made a speech at the swearing-in ceremony of new CIA Director, Michael Hayden. I made a very similar speech at a meeting of marketing executives at a Fortune 500 Company on Tuesday.

Just another example of the amazing similarity between the lives of Me & George W.! Read these excerpts from our speeches and see if you don't agree:

PRESDIDENT BUSH (at CIA HQ): The men and women who work here at the CIA have got a tough job and a really important job. You must penetrate closed societies and secretive organizations. You must master foreign languages and deal with unfamiliar cultures. Much of your work is secret, and American lives depend on that work remaining secret. America appreciates the good work you're doing, and so do I.

PAUL M. SARK (at Fortune 500 Company, Marketing Division): The men and women who work here at the AX Corp. have got a tough job and a really important job. You must penetrate the closed minds of consumers and unravel their secrets. To win globally, you must master foreign languages and deal with unfamiliar cultures. Much of your work is secretive, and American lives depend on that work remaining secret until you roll out that global ad campaign. America appreciates the good work you're doing, and so do I!


Me & George W. both know that in order to understand your potential clients you've first got to penetrate them. Secretly at first, then, with overwhelming force!

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