Me & George W.

George W.'s Colonoscopy Supported by Surge

2007-07-21T12:02:00.000-04:00

When I woke up on the operating table after my colonoscopy last year, it occurred to me that I hadn't heard if President Bush was having one, that day, too, or not.

Being that our lives are so extraordinarily similar, I had to believe that he had had a colonoscopy that day, too, but they kept it quiet because they didn't want to give Al Quaida an opening to invade the U.S. while our president was under the anesthetic. That could have been disastrous.

Anyway, I was pleased to hear that this time around, because things are going so well in Iraq now with the Surge, that George W. is able to take a little time off from steering of the ship of state and let Dick Cheney have a chance at the wheel for a couple hours.

My colonoscopy went really well yesterday, too. When I checked my BlackBerry after I came out of the anesthetic, I saw that not a lot had happened, which is exactly what happened when George W. came out from under his anesthetic.

Me and George W. -- can two people be any more alike?

Free to play MEAT BINGO

2007-05-22T10:44:00.000-04:00

I was "surfing the 'Net" (as the young people say) and came across this great blog, called Paradise, New Hampshire, about living free and dying free.

All I can say is whoever's taking these picture is as freedom loving as myself and George W.!

Viva New Hampshire!

Sark Hires Intellitrends 20/20 to Assess 2008 Presidential Bid

2006-12-07T15:00:00.000-05:00

Paul M. Sark has hired global business consulting firm, Intellitrends 20/20, to assess a possible bid for the Presidency in 2008. The firm, co-founded by Paul M. Sark and Kip Westlake last week, has already begun conducting research into the Sark "brand."

"I think they're a terrific company," Mr. Sark said. "They are so outside-of-the-box, they're scary. And let's face it," he added, "in today's post-9/7 election environment, getting out of the box is what we are all striving for."

"The Sark brand has tremendous upside," said Kip Westlake, Director of Global Branding and co-founder of Intellitrends 20/20. "Once we do a brand refresh and expunge all similarities between Paul & George W. Bush, that chair in that oval-shaped office in Washington, D.C. will be Sark's for the sitting. If he wants it, that is."

Asked if he wanted that chair in the oval-shaped office, Mr. Sark replied, "We'll let the research make that determination. But rest assured, whatever the research says, I'm still going to make up my mind in such a way that everyone will be satisfied."

Intellitrends 20/20 is a privately-held company with enormous human and material assets and is registered in the Cayman Islands under another name that might be familiar to fans of the Star Wars saga.

Bush Nostalgic for "Stay the Course" -- And So Am I!

2006-11-29T10:32:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but Me & George W. are nostalgic for the good old days when we were completely psyched about the whole "stay the course" thing in Iraq.

I mean it's really disappointing that the Iraqi people stopped cooperating on the stay the course plan. I suppose they're doing the best they can. What with all the terrorists always pushing them off course, you can understand how it's hard to stay on the course.

It's funny but I was thinking about this the other day when I was riding on the subway and I missed my stop. See, I was reading the new book by Bill O'Reilly, that great culture warrior. In fact the book is called "Culture Warrior." Anyway, I wound up at the Parkside station -- two stops past mine! I got out, walked over the overpass and waited for a Q train going back.

It was while I was waiting that I thought, "It's just like those Iraqis in a way. They stayed the course too long and weren't reacting to the situation on the ground and now they can't stay the course because they waited too long to react. And now it's hard to react because everything is falling apart."

Then I thought of how disappointed George W. probably is in the Iraqi people. I mean I assume that he thinks, like I think, because we're so similar Me & George W. are, that the Iraqi people really squandered the golden opportunity of freedom that America bestowed upon them.

I thought: "It's a shame that Iraqi renewal is going to take a lot longer than we had planned."

Then the Q train showed up and I went home, making sure to watch the stations carefully so I wouldn't miss my stop again!

Gallic Gall: Jean-Paul Sark Comes Back for More!

2006-11-24T15:58:00.000-05:00

I have received another insulting email from that faux philosopher, Jean-Paul Sark.

If you read his latest email below, you'll see that Mr. Jean-Paul Sark now has the gall to suggest I slandered him in my response to his first email (see post below). This is ridiculous, of course. I mean how can you slander a Frenchman when these cheese-eating surrender monkeys do such a good job of dishonoring themselves all by themselves?

Then, a little further on Mr. Jean-Paul Sark in his convoluted existentialist manner, goes on to say that Me & George W. are "non-beings" -- whatever that means.

Anyway, read Jean-Paul Sark's second email and you'll see why everyone, but especially Me & George W., have been bored with the French ever since Ol' Napoleon croaked on St. Helena way back in 1821!

From: Jean-Paul Sark
Date: Nov 18, 2006 3:09 PM
Subject: Mr. Sark -- Are You Suffering from Nausea?
To: paulmsark@gmail.com

Dear Mr. Sark,

Thank you for slandering me. I believe this a requirement of you so-called American "Republicans" -- to slander anyone who might make you question your existence, no? Thank you for not disappointing my expectations.

But I write to you today really to ask if you have ever contemplated the origin of negation? I ask because I would venture to say that you have been thinking deeply and continuously about negation since the "thumping" your Republican party took at the hands of the Democrats in the mid-term election.

Do you find that when you go about the world now your expectations are not fulfilled? For instance, now that Mark Foley can no longer drive to the Congressional pages' dormitory, there is a negation, a void, a nothingness, where there once a BMW convertible and a pervert. From this example, it is evident that non-being always appears within the limits of a human expectation.

This, I am sure, comes as a great shock to you and your Republican friends. You who gaseously prided yourselves on your existence, who crowed that the United States is the "Indispensable Nation." Whose President once claimed he was "The Decider." Ha! He is all negation now. A non-being. The Non-Decider!

You, whose life is so amazingly similar to George W. Bush's, are now a non-being, too. This must be exquisitely painful. Or perhaps not. It is hard to fathom you American idealists and your perfervid desire to plant your etiolated American "Liberty Tree" everywhere under the sun.

Sincerely,
Jean-Paul Sark

Le Havre, France

My response is simply this, Mr. Jean-Paul Sark. Or should I call you the Marquis De Sark?

I mean how can you call me a pervert? You French invented perversion! You and your French kissing!

You can take your "negation," fry it up in butter and garlic, mix in some snails and shove the whole mess up your orifice du rectum!

But then again, you'd probably like it -- so maybe you should just cook up some nice French crow and eat that instead!

Give up yet? Any time you're ready. As for terms, I'm offering unconditional surrender, the most humiliating of all terms. You, being without honor -- or should I say you, being a negation of honor -- should find unconditional surrender the best of all possible negations.

Au revoir, Frenchy!

Jean-Paul Sark Interrogates Paul M. Sark

2006-11-18T15:11:00.000-05:00

Imagine how angry I was when I received an insulting email from a Frenchman. A Frenchman!

Mr. Jean-Paul Sark, as you'll see, has the audacity to suggest the "stamp of my existence" has disappeared because the Democrats took over the Congress! I ask you: who but a Frenchman could write such confused quasi-philosophic drivel?

Read Jean-Paul Sark's email and you'll see why nearly everyone, but especially Me & George W., hate the French!

From: Jean-Paul Sark
Date: Nov 18, 2006 3:09 PM
Subject: Mr. Sark -- Are You Suffering from Nausea?
To: paulmsark@gmail.com

Dear Mr. Sark,

Just today, I came across your blog, Me & George W., which has made me nauseous in the extreme. Allow me to explain.

You see, my name is Jean-Paul Sark. I am a dejected researcher in Le Havre, France. I have become starkly conscious of the fact that inanimate objects and situations remain absolutely indifferent to my existence. They show themselves to be resistant to whatever significance human consciousness might perceive in them.

This indifference of "things in themselves" has the effect of highlighting the freedom I have to perceive and act in the world; everywhere I look I find situations imbued with meanings which bear the stamp of my existence. Everything I encounter in my everyday life is suffused with a pervasive, even horrible, taste -- specifically, my freedom.

I write to you today wondering if you, with your remarkable similarity to George W. Bush, see everywhere you look situations without meaning, situations which do not bear the stamp of your existence. I wonder this because in the wake of the mid-term election it seems George W. Bush's version of reality has been rejected by the American electorate. Thus, nothing bears the stamp of his existence any longer. In turn, nothing bears the stamp of your existence anymore either.

Do you have a horrible taste in your mouth, i.e., the taste of freedom? Are you feeling "Being or Nothingness?" Or both?

By the way, I should probably mention that we have similar last names. But that is so obvious as to be puerile. But since you specialize in the puerile, perhaps you will find it amusing. That is entirely your responsibility.

Sincerely,
Jean-Paul Sark

Le Havre, France

Me & George W. are not real big fans of the French. As you recall, the French ambassador said some really stupid things about not invading Iraq before we Americans did our duty to mankind and invaded that country and captured the tyrant, Saddam Hussein.

So, my answer is a definite, American "No" to you Mr. Jean-Paul Sark. My mouth tastes fine. Because the freedom I taste is American freedom. It's a sweet and satisfying taste. The complete opposite of the the cheese-eating taste in your surrender monkey mouth, you cheese-eating surrender monkey!

Au revoir!

RNC & NY Times Agree: Dems Have No Iraq Policy

2006-11-15T13:12:00.000-05:00

The Republican National Committee asserts, correctly, that the Democrats Still Have No Plan for Iraq. And amazingly, the source the RNC quotes on the matter is the ultra-liberal New York Times.

Here's the story hot off the RNC website:

In Case You Missed It: Democrats Still Have No Plan For Iraq

From The New York Times
November 12, 2006

Democrats Have No Real Iraq Policy:

The New York Times: "The Democrats will not be able to savor their victory for long... The Democrats will also need to look forward - and quickly. So far they have shared slogans, but no real policy. During the campaign, their most common call was for a "phased redeployment" - a euphemism for withdrawal - of American troops starting before the end of this year." (Editorial, "Democrats And Iraq," The New York Times, 11/12/06)

I don't know about you, but it looks to me look the RNC has their mojo back!

I mean, using the very mouthpiece of the liberals -- The New York Times -- against the liberals! Just like jujitsu -- another brilliant Rovian/Mehlmanesque manuever!

I don't know about you, but seeing this on the RNC website makes me confident of a Republican takeover in 2008!

Me & George W., of course, know that this liberal attack on liberals is so typical of liberals. We know that not only do liberals have no plans, ever their own mouthpiece knows they have no plans! And their mouthpiece doesn't have any plans either, except to attack liberals!

How stupid can you be? FOX News would never do that, and that's why the GOP will win in 2008!

People like Me & George W., however, have plans and are not afraid to use them. And if I run in 2008, I will have plans, and will not be afraid to use them either!

Bush Talks with PM Olmert of Israel -- Sark Talks with B&H Manager

2006-11-13T14:35:00.000-05:00

Today Presdident Bush met with Prime Minister Olmert of Israel to discuss bringing peace to the Middle East. In a remarkable similarity, I, Paul M. Sark, met with the manager of B&H Photo to discuss my unhappiness with a USB cord that I purchased at B&H.

For those of you outside of New York City who don't see how these two things are similar, B&H Photo is owned and operated by Jews. I'm not sure if they are Hasidic or Lubavitchers or some other denomination, but they all look like the guy in the photo. This particular guy happened to be the sales guy I was arguing with.

Read what George W. Bush said to Prime Minister Olmert, then read what I said to the B&H sales guy after his manager and I had a few strategic words with each other. See if you don't agree me and George W. lead uncannily similar lives!

PRESIDENT BUSH TO PRIME MINISTER OLMERT: "I appreciate the Prime Minister's strategic thoughts. He cares deeply about his country, and he cares deeply about securing the peace. ... But the whole central thrust of our discussions was based upon our understanding that we're involved in an ideological struggle between extremists and radicals versus people who just simply want to live in peace, and that as democracies we have an obligation, obviously, to listen to the will of our people, but at the same time, work together to help those who want to live in a peaceful society achieve their ambitions."

PAUL M. SARK TO JEWISH SALES GUY AT B&H PHOTO: "I appreciate your manager's strategic thoughts. He cares deeply about his store, and he cares deeply about securing the peace in the store. ... But the whole central thrust of our discussion was based upon our understanding that we're involved in an ideological struggle between Apple fanatics and Microsoft nerds versus people who just simply want to live in peace with universal USB cables, and that you have an obligation, obviously, to listen to the will of the people -- which in this case is me -- but at the same time, work together to help me get a new power cord, and achieve my ambition to get a universal replacement -- because there is no difference when it comes to USB cables! So you can just call down to the basement now and tell me you're sorry or I'll I jump over that counter and go down there myself!"

How's that for Me & George W. leading similar lives? It still amazes even me. Even after all this time! Even after the election. Which I have to agree with George W. was a "thumping."

I can feel myself, like George W., moving toward the center these days. But not when it comes to radicals of whatever stripe!

Feith Praises Rumsfeld -- Sark Praises Feith

2006-11-12T20:31:00.000-05:00

Douglas Feith wrote a short piece in the Washington Post about my good friend Donald Rumsfeld which got me so pyched that I sent him a fan email (reproduced below).

As Doug says, Don is a complex man who complexly deals with complexity. It's too bad the American people don't appreciate what Don and Doug have done for them!

From: Paul M. Sark <paulmsark@gmail.com>
Date: Nov 11, 2006 5:38 PM
Subject: Donald Rumsfeld Piece in Washington Post -- Kudos!
To: djf35@georgetown.edu

Dear Mr. Feith,

Bravo for defending Donald Rumsfeld in the Washington Post. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/10/AR2006111001388.html

There's a lot of people kicking him now that he's down; I'm glad you're not one of them!

By the way, I am a great friend both of both Don and Dick Cheney.

http://meandgeorgew.blogspot.com/2006/08/rumsfeld-cheney-talk-of-triumphs.html

Also, I am considering you as my running mate in 2008. I was considering you before you stuck up for Donald.

Here's proof:

http://meandgeorgew.blogspot.com/2006/11/sark-considers-feith-for-vp-in-2008.html

As you can see I am also considering John Bolton, Daniel Perle and J. Paul Bremer. I hope you will not be offended. You are really now at the top of my list because of your article in the Washington Post.

Anyway, you keep sticking up for Don! Because it only makes you look like a true friend, and that's great.

Best regards,
Paul

Paul M. Sark

Bush on Rove: Did Not Work Hard on Campaign?

2006-11-09T11:14:00.000-05:00

President George W. Bush in his press conference yesterday said that while he was working hard during the campaign, Karl Rove was not.

We all know how much George W. Bush values hard work. So when I heard that, I thought "if he's saying that Karl Rove didn't work hard, then maybe I'll have to reconsider using Mr. Rove as my campaign manager in 2008. "

But then I realized Mr. Rove's "not working hard" was part of Mr. Rove's master plan in which he let the Democrats win now so that in two years the fickle American people will be clamoring for a return to the super successful policies of World Bushification.

I must admit I was a little confused at first -- was Karl "not working hard" a joke or not? -- just like a number of conservatives are confused after this election. But then after a couple of seconds, I've figured it out. Before I explain, here's the quote about Rove from the transcript of George W.'s press conference yesterday.

Q: "...Mr. President, may I ask you if you have any metrics you'd be willing to share about your reading contest with Mr. Rove."

THE PRESIDENT: "I'm losing. I obviously was working harder in the campaign than he was." (Laughter.)

AUDIENCE: Oooooh!

When I saw this on TV I at first thought was it was just a joke. And as a man whose life is remarkably similar to George W.'s life, I'm usually right about things like this from the get-go. But then, I saw it was much deeper than a mere joke. Much deeper. It was a red herring designed to throw the liberal media off the scent for what's being planned in 2008!

Here's what I mean. As the transcript says, first there was Laughter, so the liberal media thought it was a joke at first, too. Then the liberal media went "Oooooh!" which suggests that they thought it was a joke with a serious point and the serious point was that George W. was not happy with the way Karl Rove handled the election. And that Karl was in bad odor with the president.

But I, having given two more seconds of thought to the comment than the liberal media did, I saw the real truth about the "joke."

In his usual brilliant sleight-of-hand style George Bush was able throw the liberal media off the scent of what's really going on: setting the stage for winning back the permanent Republican majority in 2008 according Rove's master plan. George W. was just pretending to be mad at Karl in that joking way he has. And of course the liberal media bought it!

Once I figured out what the "joke" was really all about, I laughed the laugh of the political insider. I thought: "George W. plays that liberal media like a riverboat gambler plays a greenhorn sucker! The reporters walked out of the press conference thinking they had a story, only to find out their pants were missing!"

George W. is the one who wears the pants in this house. Not only in the White House, but all over the American house, too! And when I run, if I do run, I'll be wearing those same riverboat gambler's pants, too!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Mid-term election, Rove, Master Plan

Rove: Mid-Term Losses All Part of Master Plan for 2008

2006-11-08T10:42:00.001-05:00

"It's all going according to the master plan," Karl Rove said last night as he watched the election returns come in with George W. Bush. "This is going to set us up perfectly for 2008."
"You've done a masterful job yet again, Karl," George W. Bush responded happily. "You're the architect of architects."

"In two years, the people of America are going to be clamoring for a change," Mr. Rove predicted. "And if we can get Sark to run -- a big if -- we'll revive World Bush-i-ficiation and shove it down the throats of our enemies the world over."

"I sure hope he'll resurrect Rummy," Mr. Bush said, leaning back in his chair. "Rummy's old, but he's still got a lot of fight in him."

"This Democrat 'victory' is just what the doctor ordered," Karl Rove said, rubbing his hands together.

"You mean just what the architect designed," George Bush corrected. "You're the architect, Karl, not the doctor. Condi's the doctor."

"I thought Cheney was the doctor," Rove said. "I thought Condi was the dentist."

"Maybe she is the dentist," Mr. Bush said. "My back molar don't feel right. Maybe I should call her. Are you sure she's the dentist?"

"I'm pretty sure Cheney is the doctor and Condi is the dentist."

"Whoever it is, call 'em. And pass that bottle of bourbon over here. I need my tooth medication bad."

So how was I, Paul M. Sark privy to this conversation? Simple. My life and the life of George W. Bush are remarkably similar. It was in my dream last night I witnessed this scene. And since my life and George W.'s life are remarkably similar I must assume he witnessed this scene, too, though, I assume as an actual president and not as a dream president.

So all in all the mid-term elections have put us Republicans just where we want to be: set to take over in 2008 and institute the permanent Republican majority yet again!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Mid-term election, Rove, Sark

Sark Endorses War, Bush, for Mid-Term Elections

2006-11-07T13:28:00.000-05:00

A lot of folks have been wondering who I, Paul M. Sark (a man whose life is amazingly similar to George W. Bush's) am endorsing in the mid-term election.

The answer is simple: everyone who supports freedom in Iraq, and everyone who agrees that we're going to wind up fighting them here if we don't fight them over there.

My liberal sister-in-law, Ginger, isn't one of these people. But then as a liberal, she is willing to side with terrorists against the American people. And that's exactly what I told her last night:

Paul Sark: "All you liberals who don't support our president in time of war are giving aid and comfort to our enemies."

Ginger: "Who among the Iraqis is our enemy exactly, Paul? The Shias? The Sunnis? The death squads on both sides? Are they all our enemies?"

Paul Sark: "You know who, Ginger. Anyone who would stand in the way of freedom, that's who."

Ginger: "So what -- you go up to people in the street in Baghdad and ask them if they are standing in the way of freedom? Is that how you're going to decide?"

Paul Sark: "That's one way."

Ginger: "And the other way is waterboarding? Jeez, Paul, can't you see how inflammatory all of this Bush/Rove rhetoric is? It's just this big cloud of hate and fear that bears no relation to what's actually happening there."

Paul Sark: "Rhetoric? You accuse me and George W. of spouting rhetoric? You liberals are all Bush haters. You're blinded by your hate. You can't see the good things that are coming out of the War on Terror. All the progress."

Ginger: "Like what?"

Paul Sark: "Well if you're going to be snotty about it, I don't think I'm going to answer you."

Ginger: "Gee, Paul, I'm sorry you don't like the way I asked. Maybe you can find it in your capacious compassionate conservative heart to overlook my utter contempt for you and George W. and answer the question anyway."

Paul Sark: "You're a Bush hater. I can't talk to you. I can't talk to any liberals because their hatred makes them impossible to talk to."

With that argument-winning flourish, I stepped outside to check my handheld for any updates from the Drudge Report on what's sure to be a Republican landslide in the mid-terms. I left Ginger fuming, as usual. She's content to fume, just like all liberals who are all talk and no action.

What liberals like Ginger don't understand is that their hate makes them into hateful people. We conservatives don't play the hate game or the blame game -- we're far too politically advanced for that. And if we do hate people, we hate them with pity for their misguided beliefs.

It's all about the moral high ground, Ginger. I'm standing on it. And you and your liberal friends aren't!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Mid-term election, Iraq, Bush haters

Saddam Hussein to Be Hung, Not Burnt

2006-11-05T10:26:00.000-05:00

Shown here is some of the good old-fashioned fun had last night at Bohemian Grove. Activities included a weenie roast and a mock human sacrifice to the Owl of Minerva.

I would have preferred to attend in person, but it was simply not possible. I mean there's nothing quite like the back-slapping camaraderie of powerful men in the woods. But I was unable to attend because I am focusing my energies on deciding whom my running mate for the 2008 presidential election will be. (So far, I have been considering John Bolton, Douglas Feith, Richard Perle and L. Paul Bremer.)

I was, however, through the miracle of cyberspace, able to "attend" last night's opening ceremony via a web simulcast. The simulcast of the Cremation of Care ceremony is a new feature of the Bohemian Club's membership drive this year. Jimmy Buffet, who heads up the Membership Committee, told me that it would be the next best thing to being there and hoped it would help "close the deal" on my joining.

At the climactic moment in the Cremation of Care ceremony in the wee hours of the morning -- just as the torch was put to the mock human sacrifice -- Don Rumsfeld announced that Saddam Hussein had at that very moment received the death sentence in Baghdad.

"Burn him! Burn the bastard!" shouted the club members as the white shroud caught fire. I got so excited that I jumped to my feet, and shouted along, too. What timing, I thought. Just like when the Iranian hostages were released at the very same moment when Ronald Reagan put his hand on the Bible and took the presidential oath of office!

I guess I got a little too excited because I woke up my wife. She appeared in the doorway of my study and asked me what was going on. "And what's with red bathrobe," she asked, scowling. "When did you buy that?"

Rather than explain that it was a loaner, a part of the outreach effort of the membership drive, I told her I bought it at Target because my old one was getting ratty.

"Well, that one looks a little ratty, too," she said. "It's got a stain on it -- you should take it back."

"It does?" I said, feigning surprise. I'd actually seen the stain earlier when I was admiring myself in the mirror -- some dark waxy stuff on the shoulder.

"What are you doing up so late? Why are you on the computer?" my wife asked, craning her neck to see what was on the screen. I suspect she thought I was surfing for porn.

"Saddam Hussein has just been sentenced to death," I told her proudly. "And I'm celebrating."

She stepped closer and squinted at the screen. "What are they doing?" she asked, recoiling a little. "My God, they're not burning him are they?"

"No, no, honey," I explained quickly. "They're going to hang him. This is just a celebration I'm watching about how they're going to hang him."

She wrinkled her nose. "That bathrobe smells like woodsmoke," she said, bending forward and sniffing again. "Where did you get that again? Target? That's not like them to sell something like that."

"I bought it at Target online."

"Send it back, Paul," she instructed me, shaking her head to clear her nose. "Send it back in the morning. Otherwise it will stink up the closet and ruin all our clothes."

I didn't say anything. I actually liked the smell of woodsmoke on it. It made me feel closer to my brethren in Bohemian Grove. It was a great recruiting idea if you ask me. I mean you can smell how great it would be to join the Bohemian Club!

It has such an impressive membership, too, including some of the men whom I'm considering for my running mate. Not only that, it has some real bohemians in the club, men of high artistry such as Jimmy Buffett, Mickey Hart, Bob Weir and Jerry Bruckheimer.

Here's a list of just some of the membership:

* George H.W. Bush, Former President
* Dick Cheney Current Vice-President
* Gerald Ford, Former President
* Ronald Reagan, Former President
* Donald Rumsfeld, Current Secretary of Defense
* Henry Kissinger, Former Secretary of State
* Stephen Bechtel Former CEO of Bechtel Corp.
* George Shultz, Former Secretary of State, current Chairman of Betchel Corp.
* Caspar Weinberger Former Defense Secretary
* James Baker Former Secretary of State
* Jerry Bruckheimer, Producer
* Newt Gingrich House Speaker
* S. I. Hayakawa, Senator
* Mickey Hart, Musician, Grateful Dead drummer
* Steve Miller, Musician
* Bob Weir, Musician
* Herman Wouk, Writer
* Jimmy Buffett, Musician
* John Bolton, Master Strategist
* Richard Perle, Master Strategist
* Douglas Feith, Master Strategist

Impressive list, don't you think? But it's pretty expensive to join -- my wife would definitely see a big hole in the ol' bank account.

But wait a minute! If I run for president in 2008 and win, the Bohemian Club will have to make me an honorary member! And that would certainly save on dues!

So maybe my wife is right in a way. I'll send the loaner robe back and tell Jimmy that I can't commit right now, but probably will join in the next couple of years.

What do you think, friends? Should I join now and pay? Or wait until they give me a free membership?

Technorati Tags: Bohemian Grove, Sark, Rumsfeld, Saddam Hussein

John Bolton For VP in 2008?

2006-11-03T14:03:00.000-05:00

I have been considering vice presidential running mates for my as yet unannounced run for the presidency in 2008.

In this post I share with you my thoughts on John Bolton. (In my posts below I consider Douglas Feith, Richard Perle and L. Paul Bremer.)

Here's just a few of the many reasons why I'm considering John:

1) John Bolton was one of the lawyers for the Republican presidential ticket who repeatedly sought to shut down recounts of the ballots in Florida during the disputed 2000 election between George W. Bush and Al Gore.

2) Bolton led the Bush administration's opposition to the International Criminal Court, placing heavy pressure on many countries to sign agreements with the U.S. to exempt Americans from any possible prosecution by the Court.

3) Bolton was instrumental in derailing a 2001 bio-weapons conference in Geneva convened to endorse a UN proposal to enforce the 1972 Biological Weapons Convention.

4) Bolton in 2002 flew to Europe and orchestrated the removal of Jose Bustani, head of the Organization for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons (OPCW) at a special session of the organization. The United Nations' highest administrative tribunal later condemned the action as an "unacceptable violation" of principles protecting international civil servants.

I must say that of the men I've considered so far for vice president, John Bolton's resume is perhaps the strongest yet!

I mean, just think of it -- if he hadn't stopped the recount in Florida, that eco-ninnie Gore would have stolen the presidency. Where would we be now if John hadn't drowned that baby in the bathtub?!

Not only would it have stopped the continued implementation of World Bushification during George W.'s administration, my new program (that I will announce in 2008, and which I'm tentatively calling "New World Bushification") would be stillborn.

So thanks, John, for fighting for and for continuing to fight for American freedom, both in America and around the world. And especially for fighting with those irresponsible international civil servants who would try to take our freedom away!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, John Bolton, Freedom

George W. & the Fall of the Roman Empire

2006-11-02T15:46:00.000-05:00

While on retreat at Camp Paul Sark, I have been reading Gibbon's History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire.

Here's a passage that I find particularly striking, as it seems so up-to-date:

A cool head, an unfeeling heart, and a cowardly disposition, prompted Augustus at the age of fifty-four to assume the mask of hypocrisy, which he never afterwards laid aside... When he and Dick Cheney framed the artful system of the Imperial authority, his immoderation was inspired by his fears and his drinking. He and Cheney wished to deceive the people by an image of civil liberty, and the armies by an image of civil government.

This is, of course, as much as a lie now as it was then!

Just shows you how the Bush-haters have been rewriting history ever since history writing began!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Augustus, Iraq

Sark Considers Feith for VP in 2008

2006-11-01T15:19:00.000-05:00

I have been considering vice presidential running mates for my possible run for the presidency in 2008. In this post I share with you my thoughts about Douglas Feith. (In my posts below I consider Richard Perle and L. Paul Bremer.)

Here's just a few of the many reasons why I'm considering Doug:

1) Feith led the Office of Special Plans at the Pentagon from September 2002 to June of 2003. This now defunct intelligence gathering unit has been accused of manipulating intelligence to bolster support for the 2003 US invasion of Iraq. According to the British newspaper, The Guardian, "This rightwing intelligence network [was] set up in Washington to second-guess the CIA and deliver a justification for toppling Saddam Hussein by force."

2) Also while leading the Office of Special Plans during this period, Feith authorized "back-channel" meetings that dealt not only with Iraq, but also with Iran. A senior Administration official said the US Government had learned about the unauthorised talks "accidentally," and that it was unsettling "the government hadn't learnt the lessons of last time around," referring to the secret contacts and rogue operations that led to Iran-Contra.

3) Feith is currently under investigation by the Pentagon's Inspector General and the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence (SSCI). Republican Intelligence Committee Chairman Pat Roberts began the investigation when he wrote to the Pentagon Inspector General asking him to start the review:

“The Committee is concerned about persistent and, to date, unsubstantiated allegations that there was something unlawful or improper about the activities of the Office of Special Plans within the office of the Under Secretary of Defense for Policy.

Like Richard Perle and Jerry Bremer, Doug Feith is obviously a master military and political strategist. America could rest easy with him in the VPs' office!

Next on my list for consideration: John Bolton

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Feith, Iraq

Sark Considers Perle For 2008 Running Mate

2006-10-31T12:29:00.000-05:00

While on retreat this week I have been considering running mates for my possible run for the presidency in 2008. In this post I share with you my thoughts about Richard Perle. (In my post below I consider L. Paul Bremer.)

Here's the top three reasons I'm considering Mr. Perle:

1. Richard Perle advocated regime change in Iraq ever since the First Gulf War. He called for the overthrow in the famous January 26, 1998 PNAC Letter sent to US President Bill Clinton. He believed that Saddam Hussein's control of the government was fragile, and that an invasion of Iraq would remove Saddam from power within weeks.

2. Perle advocated invading Iraq with only 40,000 troops, and complained about the calls by then Gen. Eric Shinseki to use 250,000 troops.

3. Perle is a frequent critic of the U.N., stating that it is an embodiment of; "...the liberal conceit of safety through international law administered by international institutions...". Furthermore, shortly after the 2003 invasion of Iraq Perle stated that; "in this case international law stood in the way of doing the right thing."

So there you have it. Not only is Richard Perle a man with strong convictions, he's also a master military and political strategist! I think I'd let probably him run the whole foreign policy apparatus!

Next on my list for consideration: Douglas Feith.

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Perle, Iraq

Sark Considers Bremer for VP in 2008

2006-10-28T14:32:00.000-04:00

While on retreat at Camp Paul Sark this week, I, Paul M. Sark, have been considering running mates for my possible run for the presidency in 2008. At the top of my list is L. Paul Bremer, "Jerry" as his friends call him.

As Presidential Envoy to Iraq and Administrator of the Coalition Provisional Authority, "Jerry" Lewis Paul Bremer was the man who disbanded the Iraqi Army. Although liberal critics claimed this put hundreds of thousands of disgruntled soldiers, unpaid and armed, on the streets of Baghdad, and led to the beginning of the insurgency, Me & George W. know that this is just plain nonsense.

The same Liberal critics slammed his "de-Baathification" of the government, which involved firing of thousands of school teachers and removing Ba'ath party members from top government positions. These critics say this policy helped create and worsen an atmosphere of discontent and added fuel to the fire in the heady days of America's early victory in Iraq.

What these liberal critics forget is that George W. Bush awarded Jerry the Medal of Freedom in recognition of his service to the people of Iraq and the United States. He was also presented with the Department of Defense award for Distinguished Public Service and the Nixon Library honored him with the "Victory of Freedom Award" for "demonstrating leadership and working towards peace and freedom.

Freedom is the main reasons why I'm giving strong consideration to Jerry Bremer as my vice president. His management of the Coalition Provisional Authority in Iraq opened the floodgates of freedom in that once benighted country.

Me & George W. and Jerry are all about freedom. But then again, so is Richard Perle. He's also on my list of possible running mates. More on his qualifications soon!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Bremer, Iraq

Bush Sets Four-Letter Word Agenda

2006-10-27T09:27:00.000-04:00

According to the LA Times, George W. Bush in a stump speech yesterday in Des Moines, Iowa, called Sen. Jeff Lamberti, "Dave" a couple of times during the speech.

As a man whose life is amazingly similar to George Bush's this does not come as a surprise to me. Me & George W. are focused on the big picture. Not like liberals who always have their minds in the gutter.

I mean, really, both "Dave" and "Jeff" have four letters, don't they?

Both Me & George W. know that the president's job is to set the agenda, and let the staff work on the details. In this case, he perfectly stated the four letter name agenda. Now his staff will follow through on the particulars.

End of story, liberal media! Got that? End of story!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Four Letter Words, Jeff, Dave

Bush: Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

2006-10-26T20:59:00.000-04:00

Today, George W. Bush signed a bill to build a fence hundreds of miles long between Mexico and the United States. Meanwhile, Mexico, supported by 27 other nations, made a declaration slamming the U.S. plan.

Me & George W., who see eye to eye on just about everything, don't really know what the 28 nations are so upset about, although people in the 28 countries generally speak Spanish and are therefore generally more excitable than Americans.

The 27 nations that supported Mexico in Wednesday's declaration were Antigua, Argentina, Barbados, Belize, Bolivia, Brazil, Colombia, Costa Rica, Chile, Ecuador, El Salvador, Granada, Guatemala, Guyana, Haiti, Honduras, Jamaica, Nicaragua, Panama, Paraguay, Peru, San Kitts and Nevis, San Lucia, San Vicente, Suriname, Uruguay and Venezuela.

My wife and I honeymooned in Nevis. Of course, I'll never go there again, nor to any of the other traitor countries. Unless they're some really cheap flights. Or a tremendous package.

I would encourage you to avoid these ungrateful nations, too. After all we've done for them, after all the NAFTA jobs we gave them? They go and complain about a fence?

Hey, Mexico -- all we're trying to do is protect ourselves from you and your rotten ingrate friends!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Mexico Wall, Liberals

Bush Rethinking "Stay the Course" -- And So Am I !!

2006-10-24T17:54:00.000-04:00

Like George W. Bush, I've been rethinking this whole Iraq thing. Which is why I haven't posted in quite a while.

I, like George W. Bush, did say quite a number of times over the past years that we must "stay the course in Iraq." And like George W. Bush, I'm still saying that we must stay the course. But what he and I are also saying is that we might make certain stops on the course.

They will be good stops. We will stop, for instance, at James Baker's place. And he will make stops in Saudi Arabia and maybe Syria, and Israel, and Egypt. This is so he can have a regional solution in place for after the mid-term elections. As you've probably heard, the regional solution has to remain secret for the next couple of weeks.

We Republicans are really good at coming up with secret plans for fixing stuff that are to be revealed after an important election. There was Nixon's Secret Plan for Ending the War in Vietnam. It was so secret that all he could tell the American people prior to the election was that the plan was secret. And that he couldn't share it.

That was good enough for the American people: Nixon got elected. The secret plan took another 5 years to execute, but eventually, Gerald Ford got it to work.

So -- our takeaway on secret plans? Secret plans work!

I'm continuing to work on my secret plan just like James Baker and George W. which means that I won't be able to reveal it until after the election. It's going to be excellent, though, you can pretty much count on that!

So don't worry that I'm not posting a lot. It's a lot of work coming up with secret plans. Try it and you'll see what I mean!

Bush and Sark Endorse KISS Strategy

2006-10-16T19:19:00.000-04:00

In preparation for the presidency in '08, I've been looking at some of the question and answer sessions on "Ask the White House" -- an online interactive forum where you can submit questions to Administration officials and friends of the White House.

Although I probably don't really need any practice answering questions about the White House -- my life is uncannily similar to George W. Bush's -- it doesn't hurt to stay sharp, just like George W. does.

You see, (for those of you new to my blog), I'm thinking of running for president in 2008, and, if elected I plan to follow the lead of George W. Bush in all things. I will follow the same winning Bushian agenda in waging war, waging peace, and waging tax cuts. I will keep the good times going, Bush-style!

So, anyway, here's an actual question from an actual American named Jared from Tallahassee, followed by my practice answer. Then, for the heck of it, you can read the response of Clay Johnson, current Deputy Director for Management, Office of Management and Budget that's on the White House website.

I think you'll see I'm a bit more succint than Clay. But, I leave that to you to decide. Okay, so here we go:

Q: Jared, from Tallahassee writes:
What is the President's Management Agenda? Who serves on the council?

A: Paul M. Sark, a man who is uncannily similar to George W. Bush:
The President’s Management Agenda (PMA) is a short and simple: cut the government down to size and do more with less.

To help the agenda succeed, President Bush formed the President's Management Council (PMC). The PMC is a way for the departments and agencies to support the President’s government-wide priority to do more with less and cut the government down to size.

Last Friday, the President was briefed on the status of his management agenda by his council. They reported that every year we have done more and more with less and less. And that it's been good for us. And good for America. May God Bless America.

Okay, now here's how Clay Johnson answered. Read it and tell me I don't know how the PMA and PMC works!

Clay Johnson
The President’s Management Agenda (PMA) is a clear and focused strategy for improving the effectiveness of the Federal government. The Agenda contains five government-wide and nine agency-specific initiatives to strengthen management practices, increase government transparency and accountability, and improve program performance.

To help programs succeed and get results the President formed the President's Management Council (PMC). The PMC is made up of the departmental and agency chief operating officers who work with initiative leads at OMB. The PMC is a way for the departments and agencies to support the President’s government-wide priorities and to work together to solve problems.

Last Friday, the President was briefed on the status of his management agenda by his council. They reported that we're working to leave government better than we found it by effectively establishing the management disciplines that will help us consistently improve performance and efficiency each year.

I don't know about you, but I think I'm a lot less long-winded than Mr. Johnson. Better at communicating the core ideas of Bushianism.

Over the new few days, I'm going to continue to answer questions posted on "Ask the White House." And like George W. does, I promise to KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid!).

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, KISS, Liberals

Bush Sees Rising Rates of the "Unacceptable" -- And So Do I!

2006-10-13T09:30:00.000-04:00

According to an article in the Washington Post today, in the first nine months of this year, George W. Bush declared more than twice as many events or outcomes "unacceptable" or "not acceptable" as he did in all of 2005, and nearly four times as many as he did in 2004. Specifically, Bush's denunciation of events as unacceptable number 37 so far this year, as opposed to five in 2003, 18 in 2002 and 14 in 2001.

This kind of reporting is unacceptable if you ask me. As a man whose life is remarkably similar to that of George W. Bush's, it is simply not acceptable for a newspaper like the Washington Post to publish articles about how many times our president uses certain words. What are they? Word bookeepers? How is counting words news?

Not only that, but then the article then goes on to suggest that George W. isn't getting his way as much as he used to. That he's getting frustrated. Which is why he finds a lot more things to be "unacceptable." That's their "proof" that he's not getting his way.

The real truth is that things really are more unacceptable now than a few years ago. George W. is only telling the truth. He's a truth teller. Everyone knows that every year that passes things get more unacceptable. It's axiomatic, like 2 + 2 equaling 4. Like the sun coming up in the morning and going down at night. It's the way God designed things. As we get closer to the Apocalypse, things get more unacceptable. Especially to Liberals, of course who will be going to Hell, unlike Me & George W. and people who voted for him. And who will vote for me. If I run for president.

As anyone who has a head on their shoulders knows, liberals get more and more unacceptable every year. Liberals therefore account for a huge proportion of unacceptability.

That is why George Bush has been using the word more often. Because liberals, those dupes of the Islamofacists and North Koreans are getting more and more unacceptable. Every year these evil doers keep doing more evil. It therefore stands to reason that as evil increases so does the total amount of unacceptability.

When I pointed this out to my liberal sister-in-law, Ginger, she laughed and said, "Maybe the real reason Bush keeps finding more things to be 'unacceptable' is that the rest of the world is finding him more unacceptable. It's a vicious cycle: as Bush is more and more unacceptable to reasonable people, he finds that the world is more and more unacceptable to him."

"That's nonsense," I shot back. "That's just liberal sophistry. You liberals love the unacceptable. Endorse and promote it. Like the liberals who released the story about that disgusting perderast, Foley. The timing was completely unacceptable."

Ginger laughed again. "Really? Was it? I'm so sorry to hear that."

"You liberals and your liberal cynicism and joking," I shot back. "It's impossible to have a reasonsed discussion with you. You are fundamentally unserious people."

"I've got to go, Paul," Ginger said at that point. "You make me tired."

Well, of course, I knew that was just a way for her to end the conversation because I was winning the argument. She's always doing that. Not only are Liberals sophists, they can't engage in healthy debate because they know they'll lose every time. So they whine and slink off to take naps and dream ridiculous liberal dreams full of cotton candy and ponies for everybody.

I don't know about you, but I think that's totally unacceptable!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, North Korea, Liberals, Iran

Bush Policies on N. Korea to Continue Another 10 Years

2006-10-11T16:27:00.000-04:00

The American people like their presidents to be just plain folks, like Me & George W. They like the kind of president who they can see themselves having a beer and watching the game with. At the same time they want the kind of president who is never too busy to defend them against Islamofacists, Liberals and North Koreans. And Iranians. And that diablo peligroso, Hugo Chavez.

As I have said before, I see myself as being presidential timber of this beer drinking, television-watching, defending sort. That's because my life is so remarkably similar to George W. Bush's life. I think I have proven this beyond a shadow of a doubt at this point in time in this blog.

I must say in all honesty though that if I were to run for president I would have to stipulate at the outset that I do not drink beer -- Me & George W. are fond of bourbon -- but I think honesty is the best policy with the American people and that they'll understand. I mean, whatever floats your boat, right? As for the Islamofacists, Liberals and other members of the Axis of Evil -- well, I promise I will do just as good a job of protecting the American people as George W. does, too. I would keep Dick Cheney on as VP to make sure of that.

So I continue to think it's a good idea my running for president. I'm presently designing a bumpersticker to that effect. Here's what I've got so far:

World Bush-i-fication!
Vote Sark in 2008
Keep the Good Times Going!

What do you think, my fellow Americans? I look forward to your suggestions and comments.

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, North Korea, 2008, Iran

Bush Had "Inkling" About Foley 11 Years Ago -- And So Did I!

2006-10-04T11:45:00.000-04:00

According to an article in the Washington Post a "former House page says he was warned in 1995 to steer clear of a freshman Republican from Florida [Mark Foley], who already was learning the names of the teenagers, dashing off notes, letters and e-mails to them and asking them to join him for ice cream."

The article goes on to say that "Mark Beck-Heyman, now a graduate student in clinical psychology at George Washington University, and more than a dozen other former House pages said in interviews and via e-mail that Rep. Mark Foley was known to be extraordinarily friendly in a way that made some of them uncomfortable."

It now occurs to me that George W. Bush had an inkling something wasn't "right" about Foley not just ten months ago as I previously reported here and not just 5 years ago as I reported here but in fact, had a previous inkling about Mark Foley 11 years ago in 1995, too.

How do I know this? Because I have a life that is amazingly similar to the life of George W. Bush and I had an inkling 11 years ago, too. If I had an inkling, chances are excellent that George W. had an inkling, too. After all, as masculine as Me & George W. are, we can sense "gayness" from a mile, or many miles, or even thousands of miles away, and even just from a photograph.

I now recall that I sent George W. a letter at the time asking him if he had a similar inkling about Mark Foley. And although I didn't hear back from George W., I assumed it had been taken care of, and, based on my similarity to George W., I'll bet he assumed that it had been taken care of, too.

So, there you have it. Me & George W. with our finely tuned gut feelings about people, especially gay people, had inklings and assumed it would be taken care of.

We both feel for Denny Hastert now, but frankly, Me & George W. tried as hard as we could!

As usual, Me & George W. remain blameless!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Foley, Sark, Man boy action, Hastert

Bush Had "Inkling" About Foley 5 Years Ago -- And So Did I!

2006-10-03T16:42:00.000-04:00

It now appears that Republican congressman, Mark Foley, was known to have propositioned underage male pages not just ten months ago as originally reported, but sixty months ago.

Foley, who crusaded against child exploitation, resigned in disgrace on Friday after a slew of sexually explicit internet conversations with underage boys were made public.

It now occurs to me that George W. Bush had an inkling something wasn't "right" about Foley not just ten months ago as I previously reported, but in fact, had a previous inkling sixty months ago, too.

How do I know this? Because I have a life that is amazingly similar to the life of George Bush and I had an inkling 60 months ago, too. If I have an inkling, chances are better than 99 in 100 that George W. had an inkling, too.

I now recall that I sent George W. an email at the White House web site asking him if he had a similar inkling. I asked him if he had sent a note to Denny Hastert.

Although I didn't hear back from George W., I assumed it had been taken care of, and, based on my similarity to George W., I'll bet he assumed that it had been taken care of, too, when he sent the note to Denny Hastert. I mean it's just not the kind of thing you would forget.

So, there you have it. Me & George W., with our finely tuned gut feelings about people, had inklings and assumed it would be taken care of. We both feel for Denny Hastert, but frankly, he didn't take care of it, and now, well, that's his responsibility.

Me & George W. can't do everything!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Foley, Sark, Man boy action, Perversity

Bush Sensed Foley's Perversity 10 Months Ago -- And I Knew About It, Too!

2006-10-01T11:48:00.000-04:00

As the world now knows, Republican congressman, Mark Foley, who crusaded against child exploitation, resigned in disgrace on Friday after a slew of sexually explicit internet conversations with underage boys were made public.

"I think the Democratic leadership should have been told 10 months ago," said Rep. Jane Harman of California, top Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee, referring to the fact that the top Republican Denny Hastert had been told about the emails 10 months before. "I gather that basically nothing was done except that Foley was warned."

George W. Bush had an inkling something wasn't "right" about Foley 10 months ago. He asked his wife, Laura to remind him to look into it, but Ms. Bush forgot.

How do I know this? Because I have a life that is amazingly similar to the life of George Bush and I had a dream in which I was party to a conversation between George W. and Laura about his inkling.

I didn't think much of it at the time, but now I see how important it was. I wish I had taken the time to remind George W. to check into that Foley guy!

Anyway, here's the dream I had ten months ago about George W.'s inkling:

George and Laura Bush were getting ready for bed when the President, wadding up his jockey shorts and tossing them across the bedroom into the open hamper in the corner said suddenly: "Laura, honey, I got a bad feelin' about that Foley fellow down there in Florida."

"What kind of bad feelin', Lil' Daddy?" Laura asked lazily, slipping out of her brassiere and reaching for her negligee.

"Somethin' about him I don't like," George said. "The way he's always talkin' about helpin' the poor missin' kids? Remember that fella Father Bruce Ritter in New York? Everyone thought he was just helpin' those runaways, but he was engagin' in abominations with them poor boys!"

"He was a friend of Big Daddy's," Laura recalled, fluffing up her pillow and stretching out kittenishly. "I think he had dinner here at the White House, didn't he?" She reached over to her bedside table, found her cigarettes and ashtray. "Can you pour me a bourbon, Georgie Dub?" she asked, lighting up, blowing a perfect smoke ring toward the ceiling.

"Remind me in the mornin' to call ol' Denny Hastert," George said, pulling on his pajama bottoms. "I feel somethin' in my gut. Somethin' ain't right about him."

"I feel somethin', too, Georgie Dub," Laura said, slapping the empty space next to her on the bed. "So why you puttin' on your PJs, Lil' Daddy? Pour a bourbon for yourself and get on over here."

"What's the ol' sayin' about power you're always quotin' to me?" George asked absentmindedly, ignoring Laura's request.

"Oh, you mean "power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely?"

"Yeah, that's the one. Was that Shakespeare who said that?"

"It was Lord Acton, honey," Laura said gently. "Can you pour us some bourbons now. I've got a powerful thirst."

"Maybe I should have that put in a speech," George said, walking to the liquor cabinet. "Somethin' about freedom and corruption. How free and powerful people can either choose good clean power, or bad corrupt power."

"That's fine, honey," Laura said with a trace of impatience. "But no speechifying tonight, darling. Tonight I want to see that man of action that I married."

"What's that -- hmmm -- Oh yeah," George said, at last catching on to Laura's overtures. "I'm your man of action, baby!"

"Hot action," Laura corrected him. "Hot hot action between a married man and his wife. The only kind that God allows."

"What is it about folks like Ritter and Foley that they want that man boy action?" George wondered aloud, bringing the bourbon bottle and glasses over to the bed. "I mean I get sick just thinkin' about it."

"Oh I don't know, Georgie," Laura said, accepting the glass from her husband and taking a sip. "From what I hear tell in most of them porn videos there's almost always hot girl on girl action. Men seem to like that."

"But that's different," George said, raising his eyebrows. "That's entirely different. That's not a degrading abomination, that's just honest masculine curiousity thinkin' about that."

"Did you ever think about that, Georgie," Laura asked sweetly, stirring the bourbon with her index finger. "Did you ever want to have two women at once?"

George stood up, his face suddenly flushed. "And I suppose you want it with two men at the same time! Is that what you're sayin'? You and Big Daddy and Colin Powell, maybe? Don't you ever go and think that I'll forget how you -- oh my God in Heaven: did you do it with both of them at the same time? -- you harlot, you slut, you horny bitch!"

"No, Georgie, no!" Laura said fearfully, tears springing to her eyes. "Don't start that again! I'm faithful, I'm your faithful wife -- you know that!"

George W. pointed to the chest of drawers across the room. "Is that the chiffarobe you asked Colin to bust up for you? Is that the one?"

Then he pointed to Laura. "If anybody's gonna be busting up your chiffarobe, it's gonna be me!"

That's when I woke up.

I remember I thought that I should probably email George W. as a second reminder to Laura's, but I was sure she'd remember to tell him. I'm not blaming Laura for not reminding him. I couldn't blame her without blaming myself. I just thought the American people should know that just like his gut feelings about WMD in Iraq, George W. had a gut feeling about Foley, too.

Sometimes I'm just so proud to be so similar to George W.!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Foley, Sark, Man boy action, Perversity

George Bush and "Shim Theory"

2006-09-26T15:11:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, George W. Bush met with business leaders of the Lebanon Private Sector Initiative (LBSI) in the Oval Office to discuss business and democracy.

The leaders included CEO John Chambers of Cisco Systems, Craig Barret of Intel Corp., CEO Ray Irani of Occidental Petroleum Corp.

President Bush stated during the meeting: "Our goal, and our mission, is to help Lebanese citizens and Lebanese businesses not only recover, but to flourish, because we believe strongly in the concept of a democracy in Lebanon." He also said: "May God bless the good people of Lebanon."

I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is strikingly similar to that of George W. Bush recently said something very similar to my wife. Last night in fact. I said: "America's goal and mission is to help Lebanese citizens and Lebanese businesses not only recover, but flourish because Me & George W. believe strongly in business in Lebanon as the first step to a real democracy. Selfless American businessmen want nothing more than to help establish a beach head for business and promote democracy."

My wife, who tends to be non-committal when it comes to politics thought it sounded like a good idea. "That's great, honey," she said. "Can you help me shim up the bookcase in the living room? It's a little tippy since we rearranged the furniture over the weekend."

A lightbulb went on in my head. I snapped my fingers in delight and said: "In a way, that's what Me & George W. do to promote democracy -- rearrange a country's furniture to get better circulation, better circulation of people and money and democracy!" I went to the desk and made a note of this revelation.

While I was writing down "Furniture, Circulation, Money, Democracy" my wife asked: "Isn't what George W. does more like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic?"

"In a way, yes," I agreed. "Except that when people like Me & George W. rearrange the furniture on deck, we also rearrange things in the engine room. And once we get that engine room humming, countries like Lebanon are able to avoid economic icebergs and sail safely into the welcoming harbor of global capitalism."

"Can you help me now do you think?" my wife asked. "This bookcase is really tippy."

I took the shims from my wife, leaned into the bookcase and stuck two shims under the bottom right corner. Standing up, I took satisfaction in my work.

"Sometimes all a country needs is a one shim, but sometimes two," I said. "Some shims need to be really big. But as the largest economy in the world we are happy to shim up countries like Lebanon so that they can stand up proudly and participate in global democracy."

"It's still a little tippy," my wife said, rocking the bookcase forward and backward. "Maybe we need another one?"

"Me & George W. have plenty of shims," I agreed. "And so does Cisco, Intel and Occidental Petroleum."

"Why don't you go work on your deck chair ideas now," my wife suggested, holding out her hand for the shims. "I'll take care of this."

"It's all about shimming and cooperation," I said, my brain firing on all cylinders. "Thanks, honey, for all the great ideas."

I worked on my shim ideas until dinner and got it to the point where I think I have a new business model for the United States and the rest of the world. You've heard of String Theory? Well, let me tell you, that's nothing compared to Shim Theory!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Lebanon, String Theory, Shim Theory

Bush's Black Dog -- and Mine, Too!

2006-09-23T12:35:00.000-04:00

In another startling similarity between myself and the president of the United States, Me & George W. both own black dogs!

Now, without going to the White House website, can you tell which one is George W.'s black dog and which one's mine?

Ready? Guess...right...NOW!

Now click here to get the answer.

Were you right? If so, please leave a comment about how it feels to be right. Know that if you are right, you've won the feeling of satisfaction that comes with being right. And in that self-satisfaction you are feeling something of how it feels to be Me & George W.

If you were wrong, put your tail between your legs and skulk slowly away. Me & George W. can't stand losers. And neither can the American people!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Rightness, Black Dog, Self-Satisfaction

Bush Calls Chavez "El Diablo" -- And So Do I!

2006-09-21T14:25:00.000-04:00

Hugo Chavez, the dangerouly unstable ultra-leftist president of Venezuela, called George W. Bush "the devil" in his speech at the U.N. yesterday.

In an interesting inversion, I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is amazingly similar to George W. Bush's, yesterday called Hugo Chavez "El Diablo."

Because my life is similar to George Bush's, I suspect George W. called Chavez "El Diablo," too. Unlike Chavez however, I'm sure George W. only called Chavez "El Diablo" in his own mind and never said it out loud. Because George W. is a true gentleman and statesman.

I, on the other hand, called Chavez "El Diablo" out loud to the gang at McCann's Lounge. (While my life is similar to George W.'s, they are not exactly the same.)

I began my name calling speech to my colleagues at McCann's by noting that Chavez had been at the U.N. that day. Then I said: "El Diablo came to the U.N. Here in New York. Right here. And it smells of sulphorous Venezuelan farts all over New York now." I then grasped my nose my right with thumb and forefinger and pretended to gasp for breath.

Later at home, I said to my wife: "The president of the Venezuela should go before an international tribunal." I then compared the Chavez administration's actions to those of the Nazis.

Interestingly, I read later that Hugo Chavez said almost the same things I said about him that he said about George W. So I guess in addtion to being El Diablo, Chavez is a copycat, too!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Chavez, U.N., Devil, El Diablo

Bush at U.N. -- Spreading the Spore of Freedom!

2006-09-20T16:58:00.000-04:00

President Bush, speaking at the U.N. yesterday, made another speech about how people are making the choice for freedom the world over.

President Bush's speech was remarkably similar to remarks I, Paul M. Sark, made to my liberal sister-in-law, Ginger, last night when she called on the phone to speak to my wife.

See if you don't agree!

THE PRESIDENT: Freedom, by its nature, cannot be imposed -- it must be chosen. From Beirut to Baghdad, people are making the choice for freedom. And the nations gathered in this chamber must make a choice, as well: Will we support the moderates and reformers who are working for change across the Middle East -- or will we yield the future to the terrorists and extremists? America has made its choice: We will stand with the moderates and reformers.

Now read what I said to Ginger:

PAUL M. SARK: Freedom, by its nature, cannot be imposed -- it must grow from the freedom spores that we have been dropping the world over. From Beirut to Baghdad, people must plant the freedom spores we give them. We'll help for awhile, but the nations gathered in this chamber must make a choice, as well: Will we support the Middle Eastern moderates and reformers who accept the freedom spore -- or will we let the killers, murderers, terrorists, extremists and other bad gardeners uproot the tender green shoots of freedom? America has made its choice: We will stand with the tender young shoots.

LIBERAL SISTER-IN-LAW, GINGER: Spores? Shoots? Freedom? You make it all sound like some biology class.

PAUL M. SARK: Freedom is natural and so is biology. People in the Middle East need to listen to their God-given bodies and let the freedom happen.

LIBERAL SISTER-IN-LAW, GINGER: Are we talking orgies here, Paul?

PAUL M. SARK: Of course you liberals always turn everything into a question about sex. You prefer the profane to the sacred. The condom to the cross. You prefer bicycles to cars and walking to riding. Tell me this, if dogs could drive, wouldn't they drive?

LIBERAL SISTER-IN-LAW: Are you asking me if dogs would choose to wear condoms and crosses and drive cars? Let me talk to your wife. I haven't got time for this.

Ginger always gives up and asks to speak to my wife when she doesn't want to admit that I'm right.

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, U.N., Freedom, Ginger

NYC Police Grant U.N. Protest Permit to Rabble

2006-09-18T11:53:00.000-04:00

The New York City Police have given the green light to a radical left-wing fringe organization, United for Peace and Justice, to protest the War on Terror in front of the United Nations in New York tomorrow during George Bush's speech.

According to many well-informed colleagues of mine at McCann's Lounge, the radical protesters plan to burn flags, perform abortions, and recite the Pledge of Allegiance without mentioning God. They also plan to cricitize George W. Bush's policy in Iraq.

As a man whose life is strikingly similar to George W. Bush's, I am not surprised that the New York City Police Department knuckled under to the demands of the protest organizers.

Heavily unionized, the NYPD are closet socialists. In cahoots with other socialist organizations the world over, "New York's Finest" have an agenda that is very similar to the left-wing protestors.

That agenda includes universal health insurance and overtime pay, two socialistic practices embraced by Communists, Nazis, Islamofacists and most UN member nations.

Me & George W. have a lot of respect for the "thin blue line" that polices the boundaries between civilzation and Islamofacist anarchy. But we also know that soon a line must drawn against police unions, too.

Coercive and inefficient, unions exploit their members. Not only that, but union bosses are criminals and crooks. They do not have the best interests of their members at heart. Not like employers do. Employers care deeply about their employees. After all, they employ them!

Has a union ever created a business? No. Unions have only destroyed businesses. Unions are parasitic on the entreprenurial spirit of heroic entreprenuers.

If the NYPD can ever throw off its union shackles, New York will be a much safer city. Illegal protests will become a thing of the past.

And Me & George W. will be a lot happier!

Technorati Tags: Bush, UN, NYPD, Socialism, Islamofacism

Bush Accuses Powell of "Flawed Logic" on Torture Policy -- Sark Agrees

2006-09-16T12:10:00.000-04:00

President Bush, looking trim, fit and focused, spoke with purposeful passion at a White House Rose Garden press conference, where he called "unacceptable" and premised on "flawed logic" Colin Powell's statement that the world is beginning to doubt the moral basis of America's fight against terrorism.

President Bush's response to the impertinent liberal views of Colin Powell were strikingly similar to remarks I, Paul M. Sark, made to my liberal sister-in-law, Ginger last night at dinner.

See if you don't agree!

QUESTION FROM TERRY, LIBERAL REPORTER (White House, Rose Garden): Mr. President, former Secretary of State Colin Powell says the world is beginning to doubt the moral basis of our fight against terrorism. If a former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and former Secretary of State feels this way, don't you think that Americans and the rest of the world are beginning to wonder whether you're following a flawed strategy?

THE PRESIDENT: If there's any comparison between the compassion and decency of the American people and the terrorist tactics of extremists, it's flawed logic. I simply can't accept that. It's unacceptable to think that there's any kind of comparison between the behavior of the United States of America and the action of Islamic extremists who kill innocent women and children to achieve an objective, Terry.

Now read Ginger's question and my response:

QUESTION FROM, GINGER, LIBERAL SISTER-IN-LAW TO PAUL M. SARK (Backyard, Sark House): If a guy who was the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs thinks the Geneva Conventions are fine the way they are, doesn't that mean something? Doesn't it mean that most people know that Bush and his cabal need to be stopped before they totally fuck up America and the world?

PAUL M. SARK: How can you compare the American people to terrorists? I don't see how the American people, especially American women and children, could ever be accused of torturing terrorists and Islamic extremists. It's unacceptable to think that there's any kind of comparison between women and children in America and the actions of Islamic extremist women and children who kill to achieve an objective, Ginger.

LIBERAL SISTER-IN-LAW, GINGER: What? What kind of crazy-ass logic is that, Paul? Torture is torture no matter who does it. And if we're thought of as a nation that endorses torture, then we have no moral standing. And we used to have some moral standing in the world. Truth, justice and the American Way, remember?

PAUL M. SARK: Next question, please. Let's see. How about you, Don?

LIBERAL SISTER-IN-LAW, GINGER: I'm waiting for my answer, Paul.

PAUL M. SARK: Who are you? Helen Thomas? You had your turn. Let my brother Don here ask me a question.

LIBERAL SISTER-IN-LAW: Just make sure you "stay on message," Sark, because if you ever go off message, you might actually have an original thought of your very own. And then you'd have to kill yourself.

At that point, I took a question from Don about when I thought the Mets would clinch the pennant.

Ginger got up and went to the bathroom where she probably had a nice little liberal cry all by herself, liberally wallowing in the "injustice of it all." Sentimental bleeding-heart liberals like Clinton love to cry. When they're not crying they're copulating.

Liberals will never admit it, but it was liberal crying and copulating that killed 3,000 people on 9/11 and which made torturing terrorists necessary and acceptable.

'Nuff said!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Powell, Rose Garden, Ginger

Seeking to Perpetuate Bush Policy, Sark Still Considering Presidential Run in 2008

2006-09-15T09:17:00.000-04:00

I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is strikingly similar to the life of George W. Bush, am still considering a run for the presidency in 2008.

As I noted in a previous entry, it is clear to me our nation and the world needs at least another four years of Bushian leadership -- preferably another eight years. Since George W. can't run again, that leaves me.

Who else but Me & George W. listen to our guts and hearts the way we do? And have such similar hearts and guts? Who else has the courage to be the Decider on all matters related to civilization, Western and Eastern? Who else listens to our Father -- who art in Heaven, not the one in Kennebunkport or Syracuse -- and who know that He has absolute faith in Our faith in Him? And that Our faith in His faith in Us is based absolutely on His faith in Us in Him. Amen!

I suppose Dick Cheney could run. But unless God steps in and fixes that bum ticker of Dick's that's a non-starter. Of course, unless He steps in and fixes Dick's ticker, or breathes the breath of life into him after his ticker stops ticking. Let me say, unequivocally, that if Dick Cheney is resurrected by God, I will humbly stop aside and let Dick pursue the presidency. After all, me and Cheney are drinking buddies!

There's Don Rumsfeld, another drinking buddy of mine, who would also make a great president. But I don't think America is prepared for someone of such awesome intellectual power.

The American people like their presidents to be just plain folks, like Me & George W.. They like the kind of president who they can see themselves having a beer and watching the game with. Even though George W. doesn't drink beer anymore, he and I are fond of bourbon, and I think that will work for the people of America.

So I continue to think it's a good idea my running for president. What do you think, my fellow Americans?

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Bush, 2008, Bush

Bush Sees "Third Awakening" of Religious Devotion in U.S.

2006-09-14T09:40:00.000-04:00

According to the Washington Post, "President Bush said yesterday that he senses a ‘Third Awakening’ of religious devotion in the United States that has coincided with the nation’s struggle with international terrorists, a war that he depicted as ‘a confrontation between good and evil.’"

The Post went to report that "Bush told a group of conservative journalists that he notices more open expressions of faith among people he meets during his travels, and he suggested that might signal a broader revival similar to other religious movements in history."

I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is amazingly similar to George W. Bush's, have, perhaps not surprisingly noticed signs of a Third Great Awakening, too! Here's an excerpt from a speech I made to my friends and supporters at McCann's Lounge just the other day:

PAUL M. SARK: "I don't know about you fellows, but I sense in these great United States a new quickening of the spirit, a new willingness to believe that an ancient evil is abroad in the form of a new generation of mustached men in Araby."

"In my travels up and down the aisles of my church, in my listenings to Sunday morning radio and TV preachers, I have noticed more open expressions of faith than ever before. This gladdens my heart. It maketh me to like down in green pastures and see in the shapes of the clouds, puffy crosses, crowns of thorns, terrible swift swords, and other paraphernalia of God's mercy and goodness."

"Liberals think you can 'negotiate' with Satan. But the American people know there is no appeasing the Devil. To burst through the Gates of Hell and exterminate the 'Great Satan' we must be resolute, yea, even unto the Final Days, even until our president, George W. Bush and I, Paul M. Sark, at the side of Jesus Christ Himself at last harrow the hellish Middle East and bring forth upon this earth His heavenly realm of revelation and glory."

It's funny, but even now, after lo these many months where I have reported on the similarities between Me & George W., I am struck by how similar the similarities between us truly are!

So, may God Bless Me & George W.! And all Americans of faith who have awakened to the evil presence of Satan and the Liberals!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Satan, Araby, Jesus

Sark Considers Presidential Run in 2008

2006-09-13T11:51:00.000-04:00

I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is amazingly similar to the life of George W. Bush, am considering a run for the presidency in 2008.

I am considering running for president because it is becoming more and more clear to me that America and the world needs at least another four years of Bushian leadership -- preferably another eight years.

Without the strong leadership of George W. Bush or me, the global War on Terror and the fight for civilization will not be as proactively prosecuted as it has been. We will definitely wind up fighting them over here, instead of over there -- especially if a liberal is elected. There's even a good chance of it happening with a moderate Republican!

I don't know about you, my fellow Americans, but I sure don't want to have to fight them over here. As President Bush said recently, "War is not a time of joy." This is the kind of sound insight we have come to expect from President Bush, and the kind of insight I hope to provide, too! If I decide to run, that is, an option which I'm finding more and more compelling the more I think about it.

So I think it's a good idea. What do you think, my fellow Americans?

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Bush, 2008, Bush

Bush Smells Lies, Mendacity in "Path to 9/11" Docudrama

2006-09-09T16:03:00.000-04:00

Today, George W. Bush blasted the controversial ABC miniseries "Path to 9/11" calling it "grossly inaccurate," "biased and misleading," and "just plain wrong." He also called it "mendacious."

President Bush's remarks, made to wife Laura Bush, came after the couple watched a preview copy of "Path to 9/11" in the Chief Executive bedchamber on Air Force One. The Presidential Couple were flying back to Washington, D.C. from Atlanta where Bush delivered a speech recalling how he was right about how the war against terrorism would take a long time.

Their conversation, based on a report in which some characters were composites, and some scenes were made up, went something like this:

"What do you mean, mendacious," asked Laura soothingly, sensing her husband's temper heating up. "What do you mean, grossly inaccurate?"

George W. grunted and sat up in bed. "Saddam: we had 'em," George W. replied, eyes flashing. "But Big Daddy let 'em go."

"Now don't you go talking about Big Daddy Bush like that," Laura said nervously, clutching her nightgown up around her throat.

George W. snorted, got up from the bed and began pacing. "Big Daddy thinks he's the only one can smell mendacity. Well, I tell you, girl, I'm sick of it! I'm sick of him and Colin Powell. And the damn U.N. . They don't give me credit for what I done. What they wasn't man enough to do! And neither does this damn movie!"

"Come back to bed, sugar," Laura whispered, patting the blanket. "Come and give me some of the mandacity -- if you know what I mean."

"That Saddam tried to kill my Daddy," George W. fairly spat. "But does that damn movie show that? No! Do they show that Saddam plottin' 'gainst Big Daddy? No, suh!"

"It's just a movie, Georgie Dub," Laura pleaded. "Let it go. Come on here to me and we can both let it go."

George W. glared at Laura, his eyes hard, tight and mean. "I did let it go. And I done it to stop the Islamofacism. Not like Big Daddy. I ain't no appeaser!"

"Shut your mouth, George W." Laura said, her eyes wide with shock.

"'Peasin' the U.N.! 'Peasin' Colin Powell! Took a man like George W. here to go and clean up that Islamomess in Iraq. Took a real man like George W. here to spread universal freedom. Took a real man like George W. here to bomb the ever-lovin' crap outa that Islamofacist craphole of a country! Big Daddy weren't never hard enough." George W. stopped and stared at Laura. "'Ceptin maybe with you."

"Georgie, no!" Laura said, pleading, her eyes filling with tears. "Nothin' ever happened between Big Daddy and me. How many times do I have to say that? How many times?"

"How 'bout you and Colin Powell," George W. sneered. "You ain't gonna deny that happened, are you?"

Laura moaned into her cupped hands and shook her head. "You know I never slept with anyone but you, George W.," she said softly.

"Why'd you have him in the bedroom, then, woman?" George W. roared. "And don't you tell me again you called him in to bust up no chiffarobe!"

Just then the intercom by the bed flashed and buzzed, the digital screen showing the cell phone number of Karl Rove.

George W. slapped the button. "Dammit, Karl," George W. shouted. "You know you can't use a cellphone on Air Force One. You want Osama and al Queda listenin' in?"

Rove's voice drifted lazily from the speaker. "So what did you think of the movie? Good, right?"

"Where's the part where I tell off Big Daddy!" shouted George W. "You said you'd get it in there! Where is it, Turd Blossom?"

"Please don't call him that, Georgie," whispered Laura from the bed. "It's not dignified."

"Hey, Turd Blossom," George W. said caustically, turning to glare at his wife. "You shut down that cell phone right now or I'll be siccin' your ol' Islamosadist boyfriend on you again!"

The intercom clicked, the light flickered off.

"Heh, heh, heh," chuckled George W. Then turning to his wife he said, "I ain't done with you yet, woman, so don't you go thinkin' I am."

***********************************************

This exchange between George W. Bush, Laura Bush, and Karl Rove was recovered in January, 2006 by the CIA from the laptop of an al Queda terrorist, Ahman al Muhummadan. Muhammadan had sold the television rights to the story CBS in 2005, for which he was paid $10 million dollars.

Because of the determined efforts of Karl Rove and Paul Mellon Scaife, however, CBS cancelled the production before filming could begin.

***********************************************

How do I know this? How do I, Paul M. Sark, a man whose life is remarkably similar to that of George W. Bush's know this?

Because.

Technorati Tags: Bush, Path to 9/11, Bush, Path to 9/11, Bush

Bush Speech More Forceful Than Usual

2006-09-09T09:44:00.000-04:00

Yesterday in Atlanta President Bush talked forcefully about all the good things he has done to make America and the world better and safer in the past 5 years since 9/11.

Read this snippet from that forceful speech which, although I didn't see it, was, I'm sure, delivered forcefully, probably even more forcefully than usual. I mean, I can just tell because my life and the life of George W. are remarkably similar. See if you don't agree about the forcefulness:

"In the early days after 9/11, I told the American people that this would be a long war -- a war that would look different from others we have fought, with difficulties and setbacks along the way. The past five years have proven that to be true. The past five years have also shown what we can achieve when our nation acts with confidence and resolve and clear purpose."

Forceful, right?

I delivered a similarly forceful speech at dinner last night to my sister-in-law, Ginger. Regular readers of this blog know that Ginger is a liberal. Anyway, read what I said and see if you don't think my speech was almost as forceful as George W.'s, and more forceful than my usual speeches to Ginger.

"In the early days after 9/11, I told you that this would be a long war with difficulties and setbacks. Now I'm not saying 'I told you so' -- but I told you so! The past five years have shown what we can achieve when our nation acts with confidence and resolve and clear purpose. But if you liberals had been running things, well, you would have reacted with nervousness and fickleness and blowjobs and cigars in the Oval office -- anything to try and calm yourselves down!"

As you might have guessed, my forceful speech left everyone at the table, but especially Ginger, astounded. No surprise there -- Me & George W. do that a lot and we're used to it.

Technorati Tags: Bush, 9/11, Bush, 9/11, Bush

Bush Reminds World US Does Not Torture -- And So Do I!

2006-09-06T16:52:00.000-04:00

Today, President Bush reminded the world that the U.S. does not torture, a special reminder he made for forgetful people the world over.

In a related story, I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is remarkably similar to George W. Bush's, reminded some people in my office that the US does not torture people, too!

Read what George W. said, then what I said and see if you don't agree we made very similar remarks.

"I want to be absolutely clear with our people, and the world: The United States does not torture. It's against our laws, and it's against our values. I have not authorized it -- and I will not authorize it."

"I want to be absolutely clear with you people, and the world: The United States does not torture. It's against our laws, and it's against our values. I have not authorized it -- and George W. Bush will not authorize it."

Me & George W. have had to repeat this a lot over the past year. But we're not complaining. A lot of people just don't pay a lot of attention to the news.

But a well-informed citizenry is essential to a democracy. I think Thomas Jefferson said that. Or maybe George W.

Whoever said it, it's a good idea.

Technorati Tags: Bush, Torture, No Torture, No Torture, No Torture

Bush Reminds Americans U.S. Is At War -- Sark Does Same!

2006-09-05T17:11:00.000-04:00

Today, President Bush took time out of his busy schedule to remind Americans that the US is still at war.

In a related story, I, Paul M. Sark, reminded some Americans in my office that the US is still at war, too. What's particularly remarkable is that both Me & George W. made very similar reminders.

Read what George W. said, then what I said and see if you don't agree!

"Bin laden and his terrorist's allies have made their intentions as clear as Lenin and Hitler before them," the president said before the Military Officers Association of America and diplomatic representatives other countries that have suffered terrorist attacks. "The question is `Will we listen? Will we pay attention to what these evil men say?'"

"Bin laden and his terrorist's allies have made their intentions as clear as Lenin and Hitler and Hirohito and Mussolini and Noriega and Mossadegh and Queen Liliuokalani and Zelaya and the Spanish Empire and Ho Chi Minh and Sitting Bull before them," I, Paul M. Sark said before lunch to some co-workers in my office. "The question is `Will we listen? Will we pay attention to what these evil men and women say?'"

Busy man that he is, President Bush probably didn't have enough time to mention the other evil men and women that I was able to.

Technorati Tags: Bush, Evil, War, War, War

President Bush Extols Work on Labor Day -- And So Do I!

2006-09-05T13:32:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, Labor Day, President Bush honored the American work force at the Paul Haul Center for Maritime Training and Education in Piney Point, Maryland.

His remarks to the students there were remarkably similar to remarks that I made yesterday to a janitor, Miguel, who was sweeping up the front steps of PS 321 in Brooklyn, New York. But then, Me & George W. lead remarkably similar lives.

Read what President Bush said, then read what I said and see if you don't agree!

PRESIDENT BUSH (to students at Paul Haul Center for Maritime Training): Today, on Labor Day, we honor those who work, and we honor those who work because, in so doing, we recognize that one of the reasons why we're the economic leader in the world is because of our work force.

Now here's what I said:

PAUL M. SARK (to janitor, Miguel, in front of PS 321): Today, on Labor Day, we honor those who work, and we honor those who work because, in your working, we all work to become the economic leader in the world because of our work force.

You probably noticed that I threw in a few more "works" than President Bush did. That's because Me & George W. know that people who work for a living sometimes need to have things repeated over and over again until they get it. Like how we're going to "stay the course in Iraq" no matter whether we're calling our enemies terrorists or Islamo-facists.

The janitor, Miguel, who I was talking to seemed to agree with what I was saying. He kept saying "No? Say!! No? Say!! over and over again. So I said: "Yes! I do say, Miguel!" until I was sure he got it.

Technorati Tags: Bush, Labor, Work, Work, Work

Bush vs. Defeatocrats?

2006-09-01T13:06:00.000-04:00

The Republican National Committee's website is finally saying what Me & George W. have been saying for a long time now: Democrats are defeatists. And because they are defeatists they are aiding and abetting the Islamo-Fascist Commie Totalitarian Terrorists and sowing moral confusion among the American people.

Though they are little bit late to this issue, the RNC have coined a bold new name for the Democrat defeatists. The RNC is calling them "Defeatocrats."

This is just the kind of hard-hitting, fact-based name-calling in which Republicans like Me & George W. excel. It's a perfect example of how Repbulicans can boil complex ideas down into simple ideas. Try and find a Democrat -- I mean Defeatocrat -- who can do that!

Read these two quotes from well-known Defeatocrats. Not only are they flat wrong about Iraq being worse now that it was, you'll see what I mean about Defeatocrats inability to come up with anything catchy. (You can see these quotes and others if you go to the RNC website.)

Defeatocrats Say Iraq Is Worse Because Of "Presence" Of American Troops:

Rep. John Murtha (D-PA): "[Iraq is] worse today than it was six months ago when I spoke out initially. ... It's getting worse." (NBC's "Meet The Press," 6/18/06)

Senate Minority Leader Reid (D-NV): "I truly believe that the problem in Iraq is our policies. It's our presence that's also a problem. We're an occupying force ..." (Mort Kondracke, Op-Ed, "Democrats Look Weak Calling For Iraq 'Exit,'" Roll Call, 2/3/05)

If they had any brains, Howard Dean and his gang at the DNC could come up with something catchy like "Defeatocrat" or "Cut and Run Liberal." But, being liberals they don't have any brains.

I've actually got a couple of names the Defeatocrats could use on Republicans. Not that I'm going to put those ideas on my blog, of course!

That would make me a terrorist because I would be aiding and abetting the Defeatocrats who are actually terrorists because they are aiding and abetting the terrorists.

And I am not a terrorist! Far from it -- I am a Repatriotpublican!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Terrorism, American Legion Speech, Winston Churchill, Nazi

Bush, Churchillianly, Speaks Out Against Terrorists, Nazis

2006-08-31T11:40:00.000-04:00

Today at the American Legion's national convention, President Bush predicted that victory in Iraq will be "a major ideological triumph in the struggle of the 21st century." He also said that Islamic extremists are "the successors to fascists, nazis, communists and other totalitarians."

In a somewhat remarkable coincidence, I made a similar speech to a liberal co-worker at a diner just now, about an hour or so after Bush's speech, in which I said: "We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender."

President Bush also said that the Islamofacist Nazi Commie Totalitarians must not succeed in their attempt "to turn back the advance of freedom and impose a dark vision of tyranny and terror around the world."

Similarly, I said to my liberal co-worker at the diner: "If we fail, then the whole world, including the United States, including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of perverted science. Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest hour.'"

My co-worker at that point said that I sounded a lot like Winston Churchill.

I told him that he sounded an awful lot like an appeaser, like Neville Chamberlain.

Technorati Tags: Bush, Terrorism, American Legion Speech, Winston Churchill, Nazi

Proud Bush Is President?

2006-08-29T16:58:00.000-04:00

Did you know that you can buy a mousepad to show that you're on the side of George W. Bush and universal freedom?

In the next couple of days I would expect that we will soon be able to buy mousepads that say: PROUD I'M NOT AN APPEASER or maybe I'M NOT AN ISLAMO-FACIST.

As a man whose life is remarkably similar to George Bush's, I have a feeling, not as yet confirmed by the White House, that there will be Anti-Appeaser Squads forming in your neighborhood soon. Now that we know appeasers are as bad as fascists it only makes sense.

In a related story, yesterday at dinner at The Tacqueria, my liberal sister-in-law Ginger asked me: "How come the Republicans say it's a whole new world after 9/11 and then talk about Hitler in the next breath? If it's a whole new world then what does Hitler have to do with it?

I have to admit she almost had me there for a second, but then I remembered that there is no way that a liberal can be right about anything. I relaxed. Once relaxed, I was able to formulate a response.

"You liberals just don't get it," I said. "Think of it this way: There's Good. There's Evil. There's facists and appeasers. End of story."

"You're answering a question I didn't ask, as usual," Ginger said.

"And you're a liberal," I pointed out. "And probably an appeaser, too."

Which pretty much explains everything if you ask me.

Waitress Attempts Bush Seduction in New Orleans

2006-08-29T11:36:00.000-04:00

When President George W. Bush walked in to the packed Betsy's Pancake House in New Orleans this morning, waitress Joyce Labruzzo asked jokingly: "Mr. President, are you going to turn your back on me?"

"No ma'am, not again," President Bush jauntily replied, triggering gales of laughter from the New Orleans natives.

A harmless, flirtatious exchange that the liberal media is trying to turn into something negative -- just like they always do!

Here's what I mean. According to the Detroit Free Press it was "a lighthearted moment," but it "could have been a metaphor for the Bush administration's poor response to the storm and the president's work since to make amends."

As a man whose life is amazingly similar to that of George W. Bush, I have to disagree and disagree strongly with the liberal spin this liberal paper has put on this simple exchange. A simple exhange between a woman who is obviously in love with our president, and our president who is a man who is in love with American people like waitress Joyce Labruzzo.

It's clear that what really happened at Betty's Pancake House was not a "metaphor for the Bush administration's poor response." No. What really happened was that the president walked by Joyce Abruzzo twice, that his back was turned to her two times, and that she, thuderstruck by his awesome presidential presence, finally couldn't stand it, jumped in front him and began flirting.

I know about things like this. In fact, when I enter a room I'm always very careful to let everyone see all sides of me so that no one feels left out. The only reason Bush couldn't do so at Betty's Pancake house was because Mayor Nagin, a Democrat, had him boxed-in as they walked in -- boxed-in just like during Katrina. (See photo above.) In fact, it's a kind of metphor for what happened during Katrina.

I mean everybody knows that Nagin, a Democrat, was the one responsible for screwing up everything in New Orleans. A Democrat, he is incapable of defending Americans from vicious attacks like Katrina. But George W., being the leader that he is, accepted some of the blame last year so that Nagin could live with himself after his massive managerial errors and gross imcompetence.

It's just disgusting that the liberal media, even during this joyous time when there's so much good news coming out of New Orleans, continues to try to make George W. look bad.

Me & George W. and Tony Snow know when the liberal media smears you, the best thing to do is go on Fox News and get the real story out. I don't know about you, but I'll be glued to my set tonight to see if Tony Snow has arranged to give FoxNews an exclusive interview with our president so he can talk directly to the American people without going through evil liberal filters like the Detroit Free Press!

Technorati Tags: Bush, New Orleans, Turn your back, Joyce Abruzzo, Paul Sark

Rumsfeld Modestly Maintains He's "Not Santa"

2006-08-27T21:16:00.000-04:00

"I'd love to be Santa Claus. I'm not," Donald Rumsfeld told reporters the other day, adding that he would make no promises that the 172nd Stryker Brigade based in Alaska would be home for the holidays.

The unit's deployment to Iraq was recently extended by up to four months to bolster U.S. firepower in the Baghdad area.

Rumsfeld's statement was similar to a statement made by George W. Bush earlier in the week during his unusual 54 minute press conference: "War is not a joy."

This is exactly the kind of hard-hitting no-nonsense kind of talk we Americans have come to expect from the man who has so successfully guided the war in Iraq for George W. Bush, aka, the War President.

At the same time, I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is amazingly similar to George W. Bush's, think that Mr. Rumsfeld is being unduly modest.

In fact, Secretary of Denfense Donald Rumsfeld, under the direction of President Bush has brought the multi-billion dollar gift of freedom to the Iraqi people -- a gift that Santa Claus could never hope to deliver on.

So, please Mr. Rumsfeld, there's no need to be humble about all the great things you have and will continue to accomplish.

All of America looks forward to your helping George W. bring the great boon of universal freedom to other troubled places in the world: Iran, Lebanon, Syria, and soon North Korea!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Rumsfeld, I'm not Santa, Lebanon, Iran

Bush Philosophy On War: Not Time of Joy

2006-08-22T14:03:00.000-04:00

"War is not a time of joy," President Bush said in his press conference yesterday, showing that our war president possesses a sensitive philosophical side, too.

I, Paul M. Sark, who leads an amazingly similiar life to that of George W. Bush, recently showed my sensitive philosophical side, too, to my liberal sister-in-law, Ginger. Here's what I said:

"Me & George W. aren't getting a lot of joy out of this war," I told Ginger over the weekend at her house. "And I don't always like to get up and go to work either, but I'm doing my job, and so is George Bush."

"These are challenging times, and they're difficult times, and they're straining the psyche of our country," President Bush went on in his press conference yesterday. Then, showing his sympathetic side, he said: "You know, nobody likes to see innocent people die."

Uncannily, this is almost exactly what I told Ginger! "You know, Ginger," I said, "Nobody likes to see innocent people die, but if they're dying in the cause of freedom, then, well, they're dying for a damn good cause!"

Later in his press conference, Bush said he agreed with Gen. John Abizaid, the top U.S. commander in the Middle East, that "if we leave before the mission is done, the terrorists will follow us here."

To Ginger, I said nearly the same thing: "Go ahead and order me to leave, and when the terrorists break into your house and kill you, don't bother to call me because I'll be washing the dog!"

Then I stalked out of Ginger's living room with my head held high and proud, just like George W. did at the end of his press conference!

Me & George W. really drive those cut-and run-liberal journalists and sisters-in-laws crazy with our sensitive philosopher sides!

Technorati Tags: Bush, War Is Not a Joy, Terrorists Will Follow Us Here, Lebanon, Traitors

Is Bush Idiot, Asks Scarborough. Is Scarborough Nuts, Asks Sark

2006-08-20T14:11:00.000-04:00

Last week conservative talk-show host Joe Scarborough grilled his guests about whether "George Bush's mental weakness is damaging America's credibility at home and abroad." And for 10 minutes, the caption across the bottom of the television screen read, "IS BUSH AN 'IDIOT'?"

Scarborough concluded that compared to other presidents who have been called stupid, that "George Bush is in a league by himself."

As a man whose life is remarkably similar to that of George W. Bush's, I can say with absolute certainty that George W. Bush is not stupid.

How can I say that?

Simple. The "identity property," the most basic proof in mathematics. In this case the proof can be stated like this: If A = B and B is not stupid, then A is not stupid either.

Of course even simple logic is too hard to follow for liberals, terrorists, Ned Lamont and defeatists like Scarborough!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Idiot, Proof, Defeatists, Traitors

Bush Predicts Court Will Lift Ban on Wiretaps -- Sark Says Something Similar

2006-08-18T22:16:00.000-04:00

According to the New York Times, President Bush predicted on Friday that an appeals court would ultimately overturn a decision this week declaring his warrantless wiretapping program illegal, and he said that “those who herald this decision simply do not understand the nature of the world in which we live.”

In a related story, I, Paul M. Sark, predicted that the supreme court of New Hampshire would ultimately overturn the ticket I received for sailing my unregistered Sailfish on Newfound Lake and said that "those who supported the decision to give me a ticket in the amount of $57.60 simply do not understand the meaning of the New Hampshire state motto, 'Live Free or Die.'"

Mr. Bush said of a ruling issued Thursday by Judge Anna Diggs Taylor, a Federal District Court judge in Detroit, in a lawsuit brought by the American Civil Liberties Union, “I strongly disagree with that decision, strongly disagree.”

I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is remarkably similar to that of George W. Bush's, said of the ticket he recieved on Monday from an overeager policewoman as he was trying to tack back to his dock as the wind died, "I strongly disagree with this ticket, strongly disagree."

Mr. Bush said of his strategy to protect the freedom of the American people against the depradations of Islamofacist terrorists: “The American people expect us to protect them, and therefore, I put this program in place.”

"The people of New Hampshire want me to protect their freedom to live free or die, and therefore I'm going to give the judge a piece of my mind, said I, Paul M. Sark. "Not only that," I said, "but if it means I need to do a little wiretapping to nail a fascist policewomen while I'm at it, then, my gut tells me I'm going to go ahead and do it. Because the people of New Hampshire and the American people expect that kind of thing from Me & George W."

God Bless both American and New Hampshirean freedom!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Warrantless Wiretapping Decision, ACLU, Live Free or Die, Sark

Bush and Sark Share Semi-Similar Well-Deserved Vacations

2006-08-15T22:04:00.000-04:00

I, Paul M. Sark, am on a well-deserved vacation that has partially coincided with the well-deserved vacation of George W. Bush.

I am staying at a house on Newfound Lake in New Hampshire. Interestingly, I have found that the "Live Free or Die" state, has stepped up security since I last visited.

Yesterday, for example, I was issued a summons by a cop in a power boat for $57.60 for sailing an unregistered Sunfish. When I tried to register later in the day, the process was so onerous that I gave up and decided to buy some fireworks instead. When I shot them off last night, however, I didn't feel the usual thrill of freedom. The boat registration thing had really cast a shadow over my enjoyment of my freedom.

The guy at the local bait and tackle shop told me that the police have really cracked down on unlicensed boats since 9/11. He said sometimes he wonders who the real terrorists are, the terrorists or the govermnent. As one of the "crackees" caught in the new post 9/11 dragnet, I have to say that living free is getting harder and harder here in the "Granite State."

I don't think George W. had any similar problems in Crawford, Texas. So even though are lives are amazingly similar, in this one instance, there has been a small deviation in our lives.

I'm not worried, though. And I'm sure that George W. isn't worried either

More when I get back from my well-deserved vacation.

Rumsfeld Says Victory Assured for Operation Urgent Refreshment

2006-08-09T12:15:00.000-04:00

Today, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, following up on his announcement from yesterday, said that American forces are getting closer to capturing the "renegade" members of the Supreme Court of India. The "liberal terrorist judges," who have so far eluded escaped by Operation Urgent Refreshment are still believed to be hiding in the Kaimur Hills in the Vindhy Range in central India.

The mission, initiated Sunday by George W. Bush, expanded the Global War on Terror to India. In the past two days, the operation has been condemned by every leader of every country in the world.

"When you're doing the work of the Anmerican people, who, by the way, come from all over the world, then you're really doing the work of all the people of the world," Rumsfeld told reporters in the standing-room-only briefing. "But we don't even need their input because George W. Bush is the leader of the American people, and what he says basically goes."

"It's still incredible to me that we gave India's highest court one whole day -- 24 gosh darn hours -- to back off on their demand that Coca-Cola reveal its secret formula," Rumsfeld explained. "How incredible do I think it is? Damned incredible."

President George W. Bush had announced the possibility of invasion Sunday, saying that the demand of the Supreme Court judges to reveal the 120 year old Coca-Cola formula "will not stand." Today, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said the president is "still resolved to take the fight to the evildoer liberal judges who have taken it upon themselves to threaten the freedom of the global marketplace."

Rumsfeld, who sent a small Marine commando unit to capture the Supreme Court judges instead of the 300,000 troops called for by the Joint Chiefs, has been criticized by every strategist and pundit who is not a part of current administration. He replied to those critics today, saying: "These people have no idea what they're talking about. I could beat every one of them at Hooks and Ladders, every one of them at Stratego. How do I know that? Because it's obvious. Why it is obvious? Because I said so."

In Brooklyn, Paul M. Sark, whose blog this is and who is writing up this latest update, is going on vacation tomorrow. He feels sure that by the time he gets back that the judges will have been found, tortured, tried and executed.

God bless Rumsfeld and God Bless Coke and American Freedom!

Technorati Tags: Rumsfeld, Hezbollah, Coca-Cola, Lebanon, Bush

Rumsfeld Admits "Operation Urgent Refreshment" Will Take Time

2006-08-08T15:35:00.000-04:00

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld today announced that all the members of the Supreme Court of India had escaped capture by Operation Urgent Refreshment and were probably hiding in the Kaimur Hills in the Vindhy Range in central India.

The mission, which expanded the War on Terror to India last night was still judged to be a success by Rumsfeld, who held a briefing at the Pentagon this morning to explain how this could be.

"These things take time, sometimes lots of time," Rumsfeld told reporters in the standing-room-only briefing. "Are liberal judges wily? Yes. Are they immoral? Yes. Will we catch them, and if so, when? Yes and soon are the answers on that last semi-fancy double-barreled rhetorical question."

"It's just incredible to me that we gave India's highest court one whole day -- 24 gosh darn hours -- to back off on their demand that Coca-Cola reveal its secret formula," Rumsfeld explained. "But did they respond? No. Did they take us seriously? No. Will they now? They should. But they probably won't."

President George W. Bush had announced the possibility of invasion from the Oval Office on Sunday, saying that the demand of the Supreme Court judges to reveal the 120 year old Coca-Cola formula "will not stand," and that "these evil dictator judges in India seek to devalue the most basic universal right of the free market -- to market products freely without interference from terrorist judges."

Rumsfeld, asked why he had sent in a small commando unit to capture the Supreme Court judges instead of the 300,000 troops called for by the Joint Chiefs, said that a force that size was unnecessary given his recent modernization of the military. "You don't need a hammer to swat a fly," he told reporters. "You don't need 300,000 troops to catch a band of liberal judges. You just need a few good men, like the slogan says. Or 'That's the song I hear' like that great old Coke song from the 60s says."

Veteran reporter Helen Thomas pointed out to Rumsfeld that since the operation hadn't actually caught the judges that this argued that more troops were called for. "That's why you're sitting out there and not running this war," Rumsfeld suggested. "We'll get them. Mark my words. Why? Because we must, that's why. We'll be looking in every spider hole in the Kaimur Hills. Why? Because that's where they're hiding. Like spiders. Like Osama. Like Hezbollah in Lebanon."

In Brooklyn, Paul M. Sark, whose blog this is and who is writing up this latest update, feels sure that the liberal judges will be caught. He also feels that Rumsfeld probably drinks Coke, too, like he and George W. do, and that Rumsfeld will prosecute this mission with even more tenacity that the mission in Iraq because of his strong brand affinity with Coke.

Technorati Tags: Rumsfeld, Hezbollah, Coca-Cola, Lebanon, Bush

Condi, Echoing Bush, Says War on Indian Terrorists Inevitable

2006-08-07T16:42:00.000-04:00

Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice today echoed George W. Bush's announcement from yesterday that the United States will be expanding the Global War on Terror to include India starting sometime tonight, probably during primetime.

"The American people look to its leaders to make the tough calls," Secretary Rice said today from the exercise room at Bush's Crawford, Texas ranch. "Our president makes those tough calls, and we who are so honored to work with him have the pleasure of carrying out his tough calls."

"We gave India's highest court one day to back off on their demand that Coca-Cola reveal its secret formula for the first time in 120 years," Secretary Rice explained, jogging on a treadmill and swilling a Coke. "But the Indians did not even respond. That tells me two things: not only are they intrasigent and unworthy of mercy, they are probably sleeping."

President George W. Bush announced the invasion from the Oval Office yesterday, saying that that the demand of the Supreme Court judges "will not stand," and that "these evil dictator judges in India seek to devalue the most basic universal right of the free market -- to market products freely without interference from terrorist judges."

Secretary of State Rice repeated and elaborated on her remarks from yesterday, saying that she "saw no role whatsoever for the United Nations in this latest emergency." "Call it pre-emption if you want," she said. "We call it Transformational Diplomacy. It's what we're doing in Lebanon and Iraq. And we're staying the course. And Coke is it!"

In Brooklyn, Paul M. Sark, whose blog this is and who is writing up this latest update, spent the entire day drinking Coke and feels Coke is it, too.

Technorati Tags: Condi, Iraq, Coca-Cola, Lebanon, Bush

Bush To Expand War on Terror to India

2006-08-06T17:37:00.000-04:00

George W. Bush today announced to the American people that he will be expanding the Global War on Terror to include India starting tomorrow.

The announcement came two days after India's highest court demanded Coca-Cola reveal its secret formula for the first time in 120 years. The Indian Supreme Court ordered the US soft drinks maker, along with rival PepsiCo, to supply recipes of their products after a study found that they contained unacceptably high levels of insecticides.

"This will not stand," President George W. Bush announced from the Oval Office Sunday morning. "These evil dictator judges in India seek to devalue the most basic universal right of the free market -- to market products freely without interference from terrorist judges."

E. Neville Isdell, Chairman of the Board of Coca-Cola, applauded President Bush's decision at a special press conference held at the company's headquarters in Atlanta, Georgia. "American business is synonymous with Coca Cola. Our global reach must remain global if we are to remain a global company and America is to retain its globality and its flagship global brand -- Coca-Cola -- as well as the nearly 400 brands we distribute worldwide."

"We have formulated a secret recipe for absolute military success," announced Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld at the Pentagon minutes later. "We're going to fight the liberal judges over there just like we're fighting them here. Except we're going to be using weapons more powerful than mere propoganda. It will be a highly robust and effervescent fighting force that will refresh both Coke and Pepsi's standing among the good people of India."

In Connecticut, Senator Joeseph Lieberman, a supporter of the Bush administration's Iraq War policy, facing a tough fight to retain his seat in the Democratic primary this coming week, said he supported the president's decision. "There are no Democrats or Republicans in a fight like this," Lieberman said at a rally at an IHOP in Southport. "The Indian people have a big stake in this, too. We can't let them live under an evil anti-cola dictatorship any more than we can let Hezbollah shoot rockets willy nilly at Israel."

Secretary of State Condeleeza Rice, who was on nearly all the Sunday morning talk shows defending the Bush administration's view on the situation in Lebanon, said that she saw no role whatsoever for the United Nations in this latest emergency. "As a body, the UN can do nothing in this situation. That leaves it to us. Call it pre-emption if you want. We call it Transformational Diplomacy."

In Bangalore India, former Coke drinker and computer programmer, Krishna Vegesna said: "I'm not drinking any more bug-killer Coke." Slamming his laptop closed and getting up from an Internet cafe where he'd been drinking Coke until informed of the incident, said: "And if the Americans come over here to make us drink it, we'll resist. Passively and agressively."

In Brooklyn, Paul M. Sark, whose blog this is and who is writing up this late-breaking news story, spent the afternoon drinking four cans of Coke without any ill-effects. "Always Coca-Cola. Coke is it. Coke adds life. Have a Coke and a smile," Sark said, reciting some of the company's more well-known slogans as he wrote this entry.

"I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony," Sark sang in a lilting baritone as he finished this entry. "We've got to stop those Indians and keep the market free. That's the song I hear...Coca-Cola."

Technorati Tags: Bush, Iraq, Coca-Cola, Lebanon, Lieberman

Rumsfeld, Cheney, Talk of Triumphs, Failures, Nicknames

2006-08-05T09:54:00.000-04:00

In a wide ranging discussion with Paul M. Sark on Thursday night in Brooklyn, New York, Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney talked of their affection for each other, for the president whom they serve, their personal highs and lows, and the nicknames bestowed upon them by a grateful commander-in-chief.

Sark, who is running for president of the Union Street Block Association in Brooklyn, NY, admitted he was surprised to find both Mr. Cheney and Mr. Rumsfeld in his local hangout, McCann's Lounge on Thursday night. "Dick was here last week, and so it didn't surprise me to see him," Sark said, "but having them both stop by -- that was pretty unusual and pretty great."

"What was really surprising, I guess," Sark went on, using the third-person form even though this is his blog and he is writing this, "was to find out that after a few rounds they're both a just a couple of regular guys. I mean you see them on the TV and it's like they're from Mount Olympus or something. But they're not gods, they're just a couple of hardworking guys. It's just that their work is bringing universal freedom to all the people of the world."

Dick Cheney was particularly forthcoming about his feelings before, during and after his accidental shooting of 78-year-old Harry Whittington in a hunting accident in February, 2006 on a South Texas ranch. According to Sark, Cheney said: "I, whose career has been spent dealing death to others, abstractly but for sound political and economic reasons, was suddenly confronted with the possibility that I may have dealt death concretely to Harry Whittington. It shook me. And I told the American people that, and they, the big-hearted American people took me to their great American breast and forgave me. And I'll never forget that.'"

Rumsfeld, reflective, then offered a story of his own. "My first failure, from which I learned a great lesson, was back in 1963 when I was a rookie Republican congressman from Illinois. Kennedy was trying to get Paul Nitze confirmed for the Secretary of the Navy job. Now Nitze was a first-strike war hawk, the complete cold warrior, student of James Forrestal and the politics of fear, but, heh, heh, I found out that Nitze had given a speech at National Council of Churches conference where some pinko appeasers spoke in favor of disarmament. Well, I raked Nitze over the coals for that one, totally slandered him, and nearly, and that's where I failed -- nearly blocked his confirmation."

"That must have been tough," Cheney commiserated. Then he smiled. "But you learned that lesson we all had to learn: you can't be too reactionary, you can't be too hard, you can't be too right. Never apologize, never forgive. Think 9/11."

He stood and raising his glass, proposed the following toast: "Gentlemen, I give you the never-ending, budget-busting, babealicious Global War on Terror!"

Later in the evening, according to Sark, the topic turned to George W.'s fondness for giving nicknames to his co-workers. "I don't know how he came up with Turd Blossom" for Rove," Cheney said, chuckling, "but you've got to admit, it's apt."

"I like ours," Rumsfeld said with a smile. "He's got a real knack for nicknaming."

Sark then asked the obvious question: "Did George W. give you nicknames?"

Rumsfeld smirked with obvious affection for his president. "The Ubangi Brothers," Rumsfeld said, then after a beat, added: "I'm Slappy."

"And I'm Stinky," said Cheney. He pounded the bar with his fist, bounced up and down on his bar stool, and laughed uproariously. Rumsfeld/Slappy guffawed along with Cheney/Stinky for a good five minutes. Then wiping the tears of hilarity from his eyes, Cheney, bought a round for the whole bar.

"Yes, America," Sark said, summarizing his big night with Slappy and Stinky, "they're just a couple of regular guys fighting for you and me and tax cuts and universal freedom!"

Technorati Tags: Cheney, Rumsfeld, Hillary Clinton, Sark, Bush

Rumsfeld to Cheney: "Hillary Is Dead Meat"

2006-08-04T16:37:00.000-04:00

Last night, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was heard to say to Vice President Dick Cheney at McCann's Lounge in Brooklyn, New York: "That Hillary has no idea how close I was to jumping that table at that hearing and showing her what's what. Between you and me and Sark here, she's D-E-A-D M-E-A-T."

According to me, Paul M. Sark, a man whose life is amazingly similar to George W. Bush's, Rumsfeld and Cheney were sitting at the bar at the local Brooklyn hangout from Happy Hour until about midnight, talking heatedly about Hillary's unscrupulous and bitchy behavior at the Armed Services Committe hearing on Thursday.

I was sitting between Dick and Don the whole night, buying them shot after shot of Jim Beam, and I know what I heard, despite what my liberal sister-in-law Ginger says.

"It sounded to me like Hillary should start saying her prayers if ask me," I said this morning to Ginger, who I ran into on the subway platform on my way to work. "You don't mess with those guys. Compared to them, Don Corleone is a pansy."

Asked by Ginger what Rumsfeld and Cheney were doing in McCann's Lounge in Brooklyn, I replied: "It sounded to me like they were planning to take Hillary out. Isn't that what I just said? Or weren't you listening?"

"Paul -- that's ridiculous," Ginger snapped, stamping her little foot the way she always does when she gets impatient with me. "Why would they be in Brooklyn? In a dump like McCann's, especially!"

"Are you saying Dick and Don aren't men of the people?" I shot back. "Are you saying that Hillary is more a man of the people than they are?" I asked, just as impatiently. "Because if that's what you're asking, then I think you should take a look in the mirror and ask yourself who the hell you think you are, Miss Fancy Pants."

"How come it wasn't in the paper that they were in Brooklyn, then?" Ginger persisted. "That'd be big news it seems to me."

I then remembered how Rummy had handled Hillary's vicious and dishonest assault: by asking rhetorical questions and then answering them.

"Do I know why they were in Brooklyn?" I began. "No, but they were."

"Do I think it's somewhat unusual they were in Brooklyn?" I asked. "Yes, probably, I do think it was unusual," I answered.

"Are there some people who doubt they were in Brooklyn?" I asked. "Yes, definitely, there are," I answered. "Should we listen to the doubters? No, probably not. Should we ever listen to the doubters? No, not when American lives are at stake."

"Do I think you're a dick," Ginger said, interrupting me. "Yes," she answered herself. "Am I walking away from you now? Yes."

"Are you walking away from me now, Ginger?" I shouted after her. "Yes," I replied. "Am I happy about it? Yes, I'm ecstatic. How do I know I'm ecstatic? Because you're walking away!"

The Rumsfeld thing works. Really. Try it and you'll see.

It's better if you control both sides of the conversation. Liberals like Hillary and Ginger hate it because it really shows them up for not being able to ask the right questions in the first place.

Really. You should try it. It works!

Technorati Tags: Cheney, Rumsfeld, Hillary Clinton, Sark, Bush

Bush Decides Iraq War Untenable, Considers Troop Withdrawl

2006-08-02T22:23:00.000-04:00

Tuesday night, Geeorge W. Bush had a gut feeling that the war in Iraq is "untenable," and a "huge mess."

Awakening in the middle of the night on Tuesday, he woke wife Laura Bush, telling her: "I think I made a monumental error in judgment on this Iraq thing. I'm going to call the whole thing off in the morning."

Laura Bush, wondering if her husband's recent check-up might have in some way shaken his laser-like focus on winning the Global War on Terror, had a glass of warm milk prepared for him and told him to drink it all the way down nice and slow. She then told him he was going to be fine, and stroking his forehead said: "There, there, dear. You just had a bad dream. Just remember what you always say. You're promoting universal freedom. Universal freedom. Say it with me, honey. Universal freedom."

"Universal freedom. Universal freedom. Universal freedom," Mr. Bush repeated along with Ms. Bush. Five minutes later, the president, soothed and reassured, fell back into a deep and dreamless sleep.

How do I know this? Regular readers of this blog know that I share with George W. Bush many remarkable similarities. So much so that when I woke up in the middle of the last night with sudden qualms about the Iraq War, I felt sure that George W. Bush was feeling those same qualms.

Fortunately for both of us, and for universal freedom, we both came to our senses in the morning. When my wife asked me if I remembered waking in the middle of the night and expressing doubts about the mission in Iraq, I told her not to worry, that everything was just fine.

I'm sure George W. said the same thing. He, like me, put it down to the tests we both underwent at our yearly physicals. I know I get a little lightheaded when they draw blood for testing; I'm sure that's what happened to George W., too!

So, no worries, America and America's allies. George W. Bush is just fine now. So is the never-ending quest for universal freedom. And so, of course, am I!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Lebanon, Huge Mess, Iraq War

Bush's Health Good Despite Flare Ups in Lebanon, Iraq

2006-08-01T16:55:00.000-04:00

Today President Bush had a good check-up at the Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland. Despite the flare-ups in the Middle East -- which the liberal media has exaggerated, of course -- Mr. Bush was his usual jocular self, making fun of his appetite for birthday cakes.

Me & George W. know that the American people don't want their president to worry. They want a leader who can josh around with doctors, who can stand up to the presssures of the War on Terror and take time out to get a check-up and have a laugh or two.

Interestingly, I had an amazingly similar check-up to George W's recently, too. Read what George W. Bush said after his check-up today, followed by what I said today and see if you don't agree we lead amazingly similar lives:

THE PRESIDENT: I'm just amazed at the health care here at Bethesda. The Admiral runs an amazing operation. And it's really important for our citizens to know that if one of our men and women get hurt on the battlefield, they're going to get incredibly good health care.

And, Admiral, I can't thank you and your staff enough for serving this country with great dignity and class.

ADMIRAL ROBINSON: Thank you very much.

THE PRESIDENT: Appreciate -- appreciate being here. God Bless. Thank you.

I'm doing fine; my health is fine. I probably ate too many birthday cakes.

And here's what I said at my check-up:

PAUL M. SARK: I'm just amazed at the health care here at Union Square Medical. And how you're taking care of the brave men and women in New York who everyday in some way expose themselves to the possibility of being blown to bits by an Arab terrorist.

Doctor Klein, I can't thank you and your staff enough for serving me and others in this country with great dignity and class.

DOCTOR KLEIN: Excuse me?

PAUL M. SARK: Appreciate -- appreciate being here. God Bless. Thank you. Too much cake, though. Got cut down on the cake. Condi loves the cake, too.

DOCTOR KLEIN: Well, God bless you, too, Mr., er, um, Sark. Are you sure you're feeling okay? For instance, do you want a referral to a good psychiatrist?

PAUL M. SARK: Don't ever change, doc. Appreciate the fine work you're doing here. Health is everything. If you don't have your health, you've got nothing. Keep up the fine work. Laughter is the best medicine. Hey doc, you hear the one about the guy who comes into the doctor's office and says--

DOCTOR KLEIN: Don't you have a job or something you need to go back to? Something you need to do?

PAUL M. SARK: You're right, doc. I'm running for president of the Union Street Block Association. In my own way I'm saving lives, too. Trying to save people from the failed liberal policies of the past. We're going to end the block parties and go with a stock and commodities exchange to fund the association. Sound fiscal approach.

DOCTOR KLEIN: Fine. Good. Go do that. And eat as much cake as you want.

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Lebanon, Mideast, Condoleeza Rice

Condie, Showing Sensitive Side, Returns to Washington

2006-07-30T11:57:00.000-04:00

Today U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice canceled talks in Beirut and planned to leave Jerusalem for Washington. The cancellation came after Israeli airstrikes Sunday killed dozens of women and children in Qana, Lebanon.

"Condie doesn't show her sensitive side too often," said Paul M. Sark, a conservative in Brooklyn who has been following the career of Secretary Rice closely since he began to dream about her last week. "When children get killed it bothers her. That's why she's coming back home."

Mr. Sark, who leads a life that is amazingly similar to that of George W. Bush, is looking forward to Rice's return to Washington, and assumes George W. Bush is looking forward to her return, too.

"He is a very loyal to Condie," Sark said. "In fact, he's loyal to all the people who have served him so well in working to inculcate democracy in Afghanistan, Iraq, and now in Lebanon."

Sark also admitted to a personal reason for looking forward to Ms. Rice's return. "Every time Condie returns to America from one of her successful missions overseas, there is a manifestation of her ambergris-based perfume in my living room," he explained. "And when I smell it, I'm overcome with a sense of anticipation for the new birth of freedom in the Middle East that Condie is laboring so hard to bring forth."

Asked by his liberal sister-in-law, Ginger, if he would use pregnancy and birth metaphors if Ms. Rice were a man, Mr. Sark responded: "Lincoln said 'new birth of freedom' in the Gettysburg Address. He wasn't a woman. He was great Republican like Condie."

Asked by Ginger if he was comparing Ms. Rice to Lincoln, Mr. Sark stood up from his favorite chair in the living room, paced for a few moments, then retorted with manful self-control: "Why not? Why can't a woman be compared to a man? Is there something wrong with that?"

Told that he was missing the point, Sark shot back: "The point is that the American people expect their leaders to do whatever it takes to promote freedom and democracy in the world and at home. Like George Bush said about Iraq: 'after three decades of tyranny, this work is not easy.' That's what you cut-and-run liberals don't understand."

"Condie is spearheading a new State Department," Sark went on, flipping open his laptop and firing up the browser. "According to the State Department website she's instituting something new in the world: Transformational Diplomacy."

Sark clicked on his bookmarked links and read to his sister-in-law the following passage from a speech Ms. Rice gave in January, 2006:

"Transformational diplomacy is rooted in partnership, not paternalism -- in doing things with other people, not for them. ...Now, to advance transformational diplomacy all around the world, we in the State Department must rise to answer a new historic calling. ...Like the great changes of the past, the new efforts we undertake today will not be completed tomorrow. Transforming the State Department is the work of a generation. But it is urgent work that cannot be deferred.”

When his sister-in-law Ginger said that Ms. Rice's words were just the "diplomatic gobbledegook version of Bush's policy of pre-emption, also known as doing whatever the hell he wants," Mr. Sark asked her to leave his house.

Mr. Sark, pouring himself a drink after Ginger went to brunch with his wife, sat down again in his favorite chair and said: "Look, all I know is that when Condi does finally get to Lebanon trailing the fumes of freedom and armed with her transformational diplomacy, that everything's going to turn out just fine."

Asked why he was writing about himself in the third-person on his own blog, Sark astringently replied that like those in Bush administration whom he so admires he saw himself as a "realist, who always looks at the world objectively, and in looking at the world objectively doesn't rule out the feeling in his 'gut'"

"Because my life is so similar to George W.'s, and because his gut is what enables him to see the world objectively, I've got to follow my gut, too, and my gut told me to write this entry in the third person."

"Did you know that ambergris comes from the intestine of the sperm whale," Sark asked after his gut remarks, pouring himself another drink. "So that's some awful powerful mojo Condie's got. And along with Bush's gut, I'm sure that we're going to see a very new Middle East very soon."

Technorati Tags: Qana, Condi, Lebanon, Mideast, Condoleeza Rice

Condi Shuttles Back to Mideast, Scenting Peace, Freedom

2006-07-29T09:36:00.000-04:00

Condoleeza Rice is going back to the Middle East again to promote the causes of freedom and peace in war-torn Lebanon. She will arrive in Jerusalem this evening.

In a related story, I, Paul M. Sark, experienced another manifestation of Condi's remarkable perfume in my living room in Brooklyn late last night.

Having apparently sensed even in my long summer's nap the remarkably rare scent of Condi's ambergris-based perfume, I arose from my bed and followed the tingling in my nose to its source by the living room fireplace.

"This time her peace mission will bear fruit," I thought aloud, drinking deeply of the tantalizing odor. I thought how lucky are Me and George W. and other world leaders to experience the compelling smell of freedom and democracy whenever Condi comes into a room.

"Honey," I shouted to my wife. "It's Condie again. Come and smell!"

My wife had doubted me earlier in the week when I told her about Condi's perfume, and so I was seeking vindication. It took some doing, but I finally convinced her to get out of bed and smell for herself.

"It's from downstairs," my wife said with a yawn. "That single girl probably has her boyfriend over and they're probably burning scented candles." She sniffed a couple of times, wrinkled her nose and said, "Bayberry."

"Bayberry? That's a Christmas candle smell," I scoffed. "It's not Christmas, it's Condi!"

"Same thing," my wife shot back, turning and leaving the room. "To you at any rate."

I was sorry then to have awakened her. She had spoiled my meditation on the powerful scent of Condi as a powerful force for good.

Doubters may doubt, but their doubts will not change the course of history as delineated in The Wall Street Journal and in Revelations.

Whether we reach a state of absolute freedom through the free market, through a final Biblical conflagration, or a combination of both, Condi and her miraculous perfume is leading the way!

May God bless either or both Outcomes! And Condi's part in making freedom happen!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Condi, Lebanon, Mideast, Condoleeza Rice

Dick Cheney Drinking, Advising Again in Brooklyn

2006-07-28T12:11:00.000-04:00

Amazingly, Dick Cheney was in Brooklyn again last night at my local hangout, McCann's Lounge, drinking shots of Jim Beam and buying shots for everyone at the bar.

He came back expressly to talk to me and to give me more advice on running for president of the Union Street Block Association.

War on Terror," he growled. "9/11. Lower taxes. Releasing entrepreneurial spirit of average American."

"You're so consistent, Mr. Cheney," I replied. "That's exactly what you told me last night."

Mr. Cheney tossed down a fresh triple, slamming the empty down on the bar as he finished, his eyes red and brimming. "Never explain, never apologize," he barked. "Never give a sucker an even break."

"Exactly what you said last night," I said, shaking my head in awe. "It's like George W.'s policy in Iraq. To question the invasion is to create doubt. Doubters are defeatists. Defeatists will infect the body politic and actually cause defeat."

"No retreat, baby, no surrender," sang Mr. Cheney in a surprisingly operatic baritone. Then he shouted "Bruuuuuce!" and ran out into the night, his Secret Service detail chasing him down the street.

So may God bless Dick Cheney! And may God smite the Doubters!

P.S. Dick Cheney drawing courtesy of craftmonkeys.typepad.com

Technorati Tags: Cheney, Iraq, Lebanon, Sark, Bush

Dick Cheney Drinking, Advising in Brooklyn

2006-07-27T08:52:00.000-04:00

Dick Cheney was in Brooklyn last night at a local hangout, McCann's Lounge, silently and powerfully drinking shot after shot of Jim Beam. He left without paying. A regular patron at McCann's -- me, Paul M. Sark -- was happy to pick up Cheney's $42 tab.

Why? Because I'm running for president of the Union Street Block Association on the neo-conservative line. The fact that Mr. Cheney was here in Brooklyn was a sign to me that I have the support of national conservatives in my campaign to put left-wing Brooklyn right, if you know what I mean.

Mr. Cheney, when I asked him if he had any advice for my campaign, stared long and hard into his shot glass. He shifted on his stool, and rolled his shoulders. "War on Terror," he growled. "9/11. Lower taxes. Releasing entrepreneurial spirit of average American."

Mr. Cheney then ordered three more shots and tossed them down one after the other, slamming the empties down on the bar as he finished each one. Getting up to leave, his parting words to me were: "Never explain, never apologize. Never give a sucker an even break." He lumbered outside to his waiting limousine and disappeared into the Brooklyn night.

I swore to myself then that in my campaign for president of the Union Street Block Association I would follow his dictates to the letter. After all, Dick Cheney, successful businessman and top-notch vice president knows a thing or two about terror in addition to running a successful campaign. Both political and military.

So may God bless Dick Cheney! And the American entrepreneurial spirit!

Technorati Tags: Cheney, Iraq, Lebanon, Sark, Sage Advice

Condi, En Route to Middle East, Makes Stop in Brooklyn

2006-07-23T15:28:00.000-04:00

President Bush in his radio address on Saturday said he had directed Secretary of State Rice to travel to the Middle East in the coming days to discuss the best ways to resolve the crisis in the Middle East.

Bush promised that "Secretary Rice will make it clear that resolving the crisis demands confronting the terrorist group that launched the attacks and the nations that support it."

In an interesting parallel, I, Paul M. Sark, had a dream last night in which I directed Condi Rice to travel to my neighborhood to resolve the crisis with my sister-in-law, Ginger, who continues to launch attacks upon me.

In my dream, Condi looked tough but fair, powerful but feminine. As I told her about the attacks upon me, her eyes grew hard and tight, reminding me of the steely resolve of Vice President Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld. I knew then I was in good hands.

"A ceasefire would be a false promise if it simply returns us to the status quo," Secretary Rice snarled, her bewitching incisors flashing in the candlelight.

"Such a step would allow terrorists like Ginger to launch attacks at the time and terms of their choosing and to threaten innocent people and throughout the region of Brooklyn."

"You are so right, Condi," I shouted, jumping up out of the chair. She leaped across the living room, jumped into my arms and then gave me a fierce bear hug, nearly crushing the breath out of me.

I woke up with a powerful impression that Condi had actually been with me in my living room. Climbing out of bed, knowing that it was ridiculous, I walked down the hall to check it out.

As I got closer, I picked up the scent of an amazing perfume and recognized it from my dream as Condi's. Although I've never smelled ambergris, I immediately registered it as such. Could it be that the dream was so powerful that it left behind the smell of Condi, I wondered. Or am I imagining it all?

Either way it was fitting that the figment of Condi should leave behind the scent of this rare substance, secreted in the intestines of the sperm whale, prized for centuries as the key ingredient in the finest perfumes. For she too is a rare specimen, a key ingredient in that rare assemblage of men and women who comprise the Bush administration.

My wife called out to me from the bedroom, asking me what I was doing up, telling me it was the middle of the night.

I took a final whiff of Condi and walked slowly back to to the bedroom, my heart bouyant with the knowledge that Condi and her colleagues remain firmly in control of our embattled but still more than seaworthy ship of state.

Technorati Tags: Bush, Condi, Lebanon, Sark, Sperm whale

Bush Endorses Freedom in Middle East: Sark Does Too!

2006-07-22T11:52:00.000-04:00

Today, President Bush in his radio address spoke about positive vales of freedom and decisiveness in the face of insecurity and instability in the Middle East.

I, Paul M. Sark, conservative candidate for the office of President of the Union Street Block Association and a man whose life is amazingly similar to that of George W. Bush, today spoke decisively about the universal value of freedom.

If you read what George W. Bush said on the radio, followed by my address to my liberal sister-in-law, Ginger, I think you'll have to agree that Bush's foreign policy is remarkably similar to my domestic policy.

PRESIDENT BUSH (Saturday Radio Address): The world's best hope for lasting security and stability across the Middle East is the establishment of free and just societies. America and our allies will act decisively because we know our security is at stake in this struggle and we know the cause of freedom will prevail.

PAUL M. SARK (addressing Ginger): The world's best hope for lasting security and stability across Union Street is the establishment of a free and just and conservative society. My allies and I will act decisively because we know our security is at stake in this struggle and we know the cause of freedom will prevail.

George W. in his radio address did not have to take any guff from his audience. That's one of the great things he has going for him. He can just pretty much say what he wants to say most of the time.

On the other hand, when I addressed Ginger, I had to defend my views. Which is easy, because liberals have no ideas. Or if they do, they're so convoluted that nobody understands them.

Conservative ideas on the other hand are simple and based on a deep understanding of human nature. Which is why we're right and liberals are always wrong. Just ask Ann Coulter.

Anyway, read what Ginger said, and see how easily I reveal the flaws in her liberal talking points:

GINGER (liberal sister-in-law): "You and George W. -- always with the glittering generalities about "freedom" and "security." Whose freedom? Our freedom to invade Iraq, destabilize and destroy it? Or the Iraqi people's freedom to get killed in the civil war that we unleashed?"

PAUL M. SARK (addressing Ginger): "You are free to leave, Ginger. Free to leave Union Street. Free to leave America. Free to go to Iraq and join with the terrorists if you want. That's what freedom is here in America."

GINGER, rolling eyes: "Oh, no. Here we go. America: Love It or Leave It. What makes you think anybody on Union Street is going to buy that garbage? Most of the people in the neighborhood were either draft resisters, or are the children of draft resisters. They see right through that Karl Rove divide and conquer crap."

PAUL M. SARK, cagily:"How much you want to bet some of them went on Freedom Marches? Or went on Freedom Rides in the South back in the 60s? And sang songs about Freedom? And still do?"

GINGER (exasperatedly): "You've got to be kidding me."

PAUL M. SARK:"They agree with me that freedom is a universal value. And that's why they'll vote for me. And if you really believed in freedom, you'd support this administration's tax policies and let people keep more of their own money to and spend it in ways that will keep America strong."

GINGER: "Your idea of freedom is not their idea of freedom, Paul. Your idea of freedom is to let poor people starve. Freely."

Having prevailed in the eternal fight for freedom at this point, I bid Ginger goodbye and went home, congratulating myself on my remarkable powers of political insight and persuasion.

Technorati Tags: Bush, Freedom, Union Street, Sark, Iraq

Bush Preaches Tough Love to NAACP: Sark Preaches, Too!

2006-07-21T12:40:00.000-04:00

President Bush, in a gesture of cross-racial understanding, spoke at the NAACP, an assembly he had never before addressed as President. Nor, as governer. Nor as a candidate for either office.

I, Paul M. Sark, addressed an assembly of African-Americans recently, too. I'm running for the office of President of the Union Street Block Association, and perhaps the presidency of the United States in a couple of years.

Me & George W. know that there's a time to burn bridges and a time to build them. We're in the building part of the cycle now.

Anyway, what Me & George W. said was remarkably similar. Read the last paragraph of George W.'s address, then the last paragraph of mine. See if you don't agree:

PRESIDENT BUSH (speaking to NAACP): There's an old Methodist hymn that speaks of God guiding us with a hand of power and a heart of love. We cannot know God's plans, but we trust in his purposes, because we know that the Creator who wrote the desire for liberty in our hearts also gives us the strength and wisdom to fulfill it. And the God who has brought us thus far on the way will give us the strength to finish the journey.

Thank you for having me. May God bless. (Applause.)

PAUL M. SARK (speaking to a group of African American bicyclists in front of Dixon's Bike Shop on Union Street): There's an old Methodist hymn called "The Old Rugged Cross" that speaks of the cross as an emblem of suffering and pain, or maybe shame. We cannot know God's plans for how much pain He intends for you to bear, but since he's the Decider, you people have got to understand that He's gonna decide how much more you're gonna have to take. We all have our crosses to bear, some bigger and scratchier than others, true. But we're all Americans, and that's what we can never forget.

Thank you for having me. May God bless. (No Applause)

Me & George W. know that tough love is the love that gets things done.

Masculine Christianity. That's what we practice. Sure, God's merciful, but only up to a point. And we've more than reached that point now.

God passed out the crosses in a reasonably fair and equitable manner. And now we get to bear them for Him. End of story.

So, God bless freedom and liberty and the suffering and pain necessary to promote and defend them!

Technorati Tags: Bush, NAACP, Rugged Cross, Sark, President

Bush and Putin Disagree on Basics

2006-07-16T09:30:00.000-04:00

Me & George W. know that you can tell a lot about a person by the shoes they wear. It's one of the things that give us a leg up on most other people.

In the blow-up photograph below (taken yesterday in St. Petersburg) you can see that George W.'s shoes reflect his solid, feet-on-the-ground outlook on foreign and domestic policy issues and his adherence to Biblical principles. Not flashy, not fashionable. These are the shoes of a traditionalist and a conservative.

On the other hand, Putin's shoes have semi-pointy toes -- the shoes of a man who cannot be trusted. Of a man who carries a switchblade in his inside coat pocket. Of a man who grew up as a sneaky communist and is only pretending to embrace the universal value of freedom.

George W. knows this. Sharp-eyed like the American eagle, he can see the shoes of Putin for what they are: a sign of his perfidy, his Marxist-Lennist revolutionary tendencies.

These are the shoes of the current president of the Union Street Block Association, against whom I am running for that office.

Clearly, these are not the shoes of a man who should be running anything except an organic food emporium, which in fact he does. Radically anti-traditional shoes. Liberal shoes.

These, on the other hand, are my shoes: the shoes of a man who will bring Union Street out of the darkness of the failed Marxist-Leninist policies of the past and into the glare of a bright new morning of freedom for real Americans!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Putin, People's Shoes, Sark, President

Bush Relies on Entreprenuerial Americans: And So Do I!

2006-07-11T14:48:00.000-04:00

George W. Bush made a speech today about "the people's money" and thanked the entreprenueurial American people for being entreprenuers and growing the economy.

A stirring speech as always, and, as always remarkably similar to a speech I made to the current treasurer of the Union Street Block Association last night.

I was talking to the treasurer because in my run for president of the block association, I've been inspecting the association's finances. I have found that it has been running on tired old liberal economic assumptions -- like donations, raffles and fund-raising block parties. I felt compelled, therefore to make a little speech to the treasurer.

So, first read a section from George W.'s speech today, and then read what I said to the block association treasurer last night, what he said back to me, and what I said back to him.

PRESIDENT BUSH(The White House, East Room): We said we got an economic issue, and we're going to let you have more of your own money to help us recover from recession, the stock market correction and terrorist attacks and war and natural disasters, and the people haven't let us down, have they? This economy is strong.

PAUL M. SARK (The Tea Lounge, Main Room): I say we got an economic issue, and we got to let people on Union Street have more of their own money to help us recover from recession, the stock market correction and terrorist attacks and war and natural disasters. The people of Union Street won't let us down. This economy is strong.

UNION STREET BLOCK ASSOCIATION TREASURER: So what are you proposing, Mr. Sark? That we have fund-raiser block parties and let the people running the games and doing the face-painting keep the money? Tell people to keep their donations and spend it on preventing terrorist attacks?

PAUL M. SARK: You are so old economy! We can start our own Union Street Stock Exchange for one thing. For another, we can start our own Union Street Commodities Exchange. Think of the possibilities!

Well, I guess I "blew his mind," because at that point the liberal treasurer just stared at me and stared at me. Then he wished me good luck in the election and bolted.

Sound conservative fiscal policy is something a lot of people in my liberal neighborhood just don't understand.

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, People's Money, Winning Elections, President

James Baker: To Defend Mexico's Lopez Obrador or Brooklyn's Sark?

2006-07-09T11:57:00.000-04:00

Paul M. Sark announced today that he has asked James Baker III to serve as the "closure expert" in his 2006 campaign for president of the Union Street Block Association in Brooklyn, NY. The Brooklyn election is expected to hotly contested.

"James Baker's stellar efforts on behalf of George W. Bush in Florida in the 2000 election makes him the obvious choice for what is sure to be a tight race here in Brooklyn," said Sark on Sunday.

Sark admitted he is concerned that Mr. Baker may have been retained by Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador the Mexican politician who is fighting for a recount in Mexico's recent presidential election. "But if he is going to work for Lopez Obrador, I'm confident he will achieve closure within a matter of days," Sark said.

Asked why he thought James Baker would consider working on behalf of the liberal left Lopez Obrador instead of center-right, pro-business Felipe Calderón, Sark replied: "James Baker fought for the underdog in 2000, George W. Bush. He's a man of principle and if he's thinking of stepping into the Mexico elections, I'm sure he'll go where he's needed most."

Sark, a conservative Republican in one of the most Democratic districts in the United States, said that although he is confident of victory, having Baker in his corner would render the actual election results moot.

"When Mr. Baker starts talking about closure, people just give in," Sark explained. "In addition, my polling data shows that there's a lot of therapists and psychologists on the block. So even though they're all Democrats, they'll be helpless in the face of James' "closure routine."

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Mexico Elections, Winning Elections, James Baker

Bush Shares Secret of Winning Elections; Sark Shares Same

2006-07-08T10:04:00.000-04:00

President George W. Bush shared some of the secrets of winning elections at his press conference in Chicago yesterday. Confident of victory, Bush told a skeptical reporter that he was looking forward to the elections.

Yesterday, I also had occasion to share some secrets of winning elections: I'm currently running for president of our local block association. I shared my secrets with a skeptical neighbor. (Me & George W. are used to skeptics; they don't bother us).

Read what George W. said, followed by what I said, and then ask yourself if our beliefs on winning elections are amazingly similar or not. I think you'll say, yes, Mr. Sark, they are!

PRESIDENT BUSH (Museum of Science and Industry, Chicago, Illinois): Here's how you win elections. You win elections by believing something. You win elections by having a plan to protect the American people from terrorist attack. You win elections by having a philosophy that has actually produced results -- economic growth, for example -- or kind of changing the school systems for the better, or providing prescription drug coverage for elders. That's how you win elections.

PAUL M. SARK (Tea Lounge, Brooklyn, NY): Here's how you win elections. You win elections by saying your opponent believes in socialism and therefore sympathizes with terrorists. You win elections by having a philosophy that promises results -- economic growth is always a good one -- or kind of changing the school system somehow for the better, or providing a little pocket money to the old people on this block so they can buy a bagel or two to spread their cat food pate' on. That's how you win elections.

So go ahead. Say it. Say: "Yes Mr. Sark, your beliefs and George W. beliefs are amazingly similar."

Good. Now say: "The universal value of freedom is universally valued, and the more people that come to value it, universally, the more universal it will become." Excellent!

Now say, as Me & George W. say: "God bless American freedom!" Now quickly say: "You have my vote, Mr. Sark!"

Thank you for your vote, neighbor, and don't forget, a vote for Sark is both a vote for freedom and kind of changing schools or something, and a vote against liberal terrorist unfreedom!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Freedom, Winning Elections, Terrorists

George W. Dreams Only of America; And So Do I!

2006-07-07T10:55:00.000-04:00

George W. Bush is very busy these days winning all the wars that America is currently engaged in: the War on Flag Burning, the War on the New York Times, the War on Mexican Immigrants, the War on Liberal Skeptics, to name just a few. He doesn't have a lot of time to read or think about poetry.

But knowing how much George W. cares about education, I believe he would encourage the American people to take a little time out from fighting all the wars he's asked us to fight on America's behalf and read at least a little poetry.

Below are a few stanzas of a poem about America by John Ashbery, an American, recommended by a person who commented on one of my previous posts. I can't say as I really understand the poem; but it does have America in the title, and it doesn't mention flag-burning, liberals, Mexicans, or left-wing celebrities, so I assume it's patriotic.

Also, the person who commented -- who signed in as "this doesn't require thinking" -- was pretty funny, calling George W. a "certified idiot." I sometimes like that kind of sarcastic humor where you say exactly the opposite of what you mean. But anyway, I figure this person was being serious about the poem being a good one.

If you want to actually hear the entire poem, click on the title. It'll take you to a website at the University of Pennsylvania where you can hear a recording of John Ashbery reading it. It's down toward the bottom of the page under the heading "22 and 23."

By the way, Ashbery doesn't sound un-American either, so that's another reason why I guess this poem is okay.

THEY DREAM ONLY OF AMERICA
John Ashbery

They dream only of America
To be lost among the thirteen million
pillars of grass
“This honey is delicious
Though it burns the throat”

And hiding from darkness in barns
They can be grownups now
And the murderer’s ashtray is more
easily—
The lake a lilac cube

He holds a key in his right hand
“Please,” he asks willingly,
He is thirty years old. . . .

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, America, Ashery, Flag Burning

Bush Loves Both Dreamers & Managers: So Does Sark!

2006-07-06T12:04:00.000-04:00

President Bush yesterday at a Dunkin' Donuts/Baskin Robbins in Virginia made a speech about immigration reform in which he talked about deserving immigrants like the Iranians who opened the donut shop.

He also talked about undeserving immigrants who need immigration papers to work in donut shops and who should get the hell out of the U.S. if they don't.

As always, he delivered a cogent message, a lot like the message I delivered to my wife the other day.

Here's a selected paragraph from George W.'s speech, followed by a selected paragraph from my speech to my wife. Read them both and see if you don't agree that they are amazingly similar!

PRESDIENT BUSH (Dunkin' Donuts/Baskin Robbins, Alexandria, VA): I cannot tell you how I love being with entrepreneurs and dreamers and doers and people who are running things, and managers, and to be with my fellow citizens as we talk about a very important public policy, and that's rational, comprehensive immigration reform.

PAUL M. SARK (In Kitchen at Home, Brooklyn, NY): I cannot tell you how I hate being with non-entrepreneurs and non-dreamers and non-doers and people who are not running things, and non-managers, and union members and liberal democrats when they try to talk about a very important public policy, and that's rational, comprehensive immigration reform.

Me & George W. say:

May God bless the doers, dreamers and deciders that keep America strong!

May God smite the lollygaggers, loafers and liberals who fight to keep America weak!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Immigrants, Freedom, Managers

Bush "Braggs" on World's Most Powerful Military: So Do I!

2006-07-05T14:28:00.000-04:00

President Bush yesterday made an Independence Day speech at Fort Bragg, North Carolina in which he thanked the men and women of our military past and present for their service.

It was an inspiring speech as all of his speeches are and remarkably similar to a speech I made in the backyard at my sister-in-law's house.

Here's a selected paragraph George W.'s speech, followed by a selected paragraph from my speech. Read them both and see if you don't agree that they are amazingly similar!

PRESIDENT BUSH (Iron Mike Plaza, Fort Bragg, NC): We celebrate Independence Day each year because that ragtag group of citizen soldiers challenged the world's most powerful military, secured our liberty and planted a standard of freedom to which the entire world has aspired.

PAUL M. SARK (In-Law's Backyard, Brooklyn, NY): In celebrating Independence Day this year let's not forget that rag tag group of Iraqi insurgents who are challenging the world's most powerful military, who are trying to prevent us from planting our standard of freedom to which the entire world aspires.

So like Me & George W. like to say: Let freedom ring! HOOAHH!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Iraq, Freedom, HOOAHH!

Gore's Inconvenient Truth -- Not True!

2006-07-04T12:23:00.000-04:00

When asked if he would see Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth," George W. Bush said: "Doubt it."

Because my life and the life of George W. Bush are amazingly similar, I doubted I would see it either. But last night, my liberal sister-in-law, Ginger, insisted I go, and so in the interest of family harmony, I did.

What a crock! Al Gore loses the election in 2000, and so instead of taking it like a man, he comes up with this holier-than-thou movie as a way to get back at George Bush. It's pitiful, really pitiful.

No wonder Rush Limbaugh talks about it so much. I mean it's so obviously fake -- all the statistics are clearly pulled out of thin air. All the "evidence" is absurd.

It's sad really. Particularly comical is when Gore shows that old hoax footage of the moon landing. Everyone with eyes to see and a brain to think knows it was put together in some Hollywood studio. And it was way before "blue screen" technology so you can tell they used wires to make the puppet astronauts look like they're "weightless."

Nice try, Mr. Gore. Climb back into your tree, hug your owls and leave the thinking and deciding to people like Me & George W.!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Gore, An Inconvenient Truth, Fake Moon Landing, Treasonous Loser

Bush: Radical Cabals Seek to Curtail Freedom; Sark Says Same

2006-07-03T12:03:00.000-04:00

Me & George W. know that the Supreme Court and the New York Times are basically the same thing: elitist liberal cabals out to subvert the will of the American people.

Strong language? As men of the people, we aren't afraid to tell the truth. Neither is FoxNews.

The Supreme Court, by forcing the Bush administration's to honor military law and the Geneva Convention is a judiciary that insists on drafting legislation from the bench.

Similarly, the New York Times, by leaking information about how the government is pursuing terrorists is setting itself up as a separate branch of the government, a branch intent on destroying the right of the American people not to be killed in their beds, their cars, or their pleasure boats.

Is this the kind of America American's want? Is it the kind of America that George W. Bush, Don Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz, Paul Bremer, Dick Cheney, and Scooter Libby want? An America where a handful of radical ideologues can unilaterally decide what's best for the American people and the world?

Hell no!

The America Americans want is an America whose leaders always have the best interests of Americans at heart and always know what's best for them.

Exactly the kind of America which Me & George W want, too!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Cabal, Treasonous Supreme Court, Treasonous New York Times, Treason

No Mention of NY Times Treason in Bush July 4th Proclamation; But Mine Does!

2006-07-01T10:54:00.000-04:00

Finally! It's out!

Yes! George W. Bush released his July Fourth Proclamation three days early!

He's proactive, that George W. Bush. But so am I. I wrote mine yesterday!

And you know what? George W's proclamation uncannily similar to my July Fourth proclamation. Of course that's to be expected given the amazing similarity between my life and the life of George W. Bush. Mine's a little more topical than his maybe, but, still they're very similar.

But see for yourself: here's a selected paragraph from George W.'s proclamation, followed by one from mine:

Proclamation By George W. Bush, President: Independence Day, 2006
As we celebrate our independence, Americans can take pride in our history and look to the future with confidence. We offer our gratitude to all the American patriots, past and present, who have sought to advance freedom and lay the foundations of peace. Because of their sacrifice, this country remains a beacon of hope for all who dream of liberty and a shining example to the world of what a free people can achieve.

May God continue to bless the United States of America.

Proclamation By Paul M. Sark, Citizen, Independence Day, 2006
As we celebrate our independence, real Americans can be prideful. We offer our gratitude to American patriots, and utter contempt to liberals past and present, who have sought to stop freedom's grand march and destroy the foundations of America freedom. Because of their liberal weakness, this country's reputation had been tarnished until we conservatives came along.

Now a beacon of hope for all who dream of liberty and a shining example to the world of what a free people can achieve, I, Paul M. Sark, to counter the treasonous New York Times' reporting on security matters, do hereby outlaw all Fourth of July picnics to be given or attended by New York Times staff this July Fourth. And if they do have the nerve to have picnics, may they all burn their hands on the grill, and may they be forced to eat plain yellow mustard like the rest of America instead of that spicy Jewish stuff they like so much in New York City. If you know what I mean.

May God continue to bless the United States of America!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Fourth of July, New York Times Treason, Freedom

Bush Down in Memphis Remembering "The King"

2006-06-30T11:18:00.000-04:00

George W. Bush, down in Memphis today at Graceland with the Japanese prime minister, is thinking not only about "Good King Elvis," but also "Bad King George" of England -- the one who Thomas Jefferson lambasted in The Declaration of Independence back on July 4, 1776.

George W. is also thinking about other evil royalty -- like Queen Lili'uokalani of Hawaii -- and how she was an impediment to the spread of democracy and freedom -- exactly like King George of England was!

How do I know what George W is thinking, you ask? Because Me & George W. have amazingly similar lives. Here's some background on what we're thinking about today:

Hawaii, after a coup financed and directed by American interests overthrew the monarchy's last native Hawaiian leader, Queen Lili'uokalani, the island became a republic in 1894.

In 1898, the American president of the Republic of Hawai'i, Sanford Dole, James Dole's* cousin, agreed to the Republic's annexation by the United States. (Citation here)

Me & George W. and Elvis know that when you're making pineapple juice you've got to do a little squeezing. If you know what I mean.

It's sometimes a prickly business, but ultimately the juice of freedom is worth it!

*"During the nineteenth century, the first American missionaries and then American business interests began to play major roles in the islands. Most notable were the powerful fruit and sugarcane corporations such as the Hawaiian Pineapple Company, founded by James Dole..."

Technorati Tags: Bush, Elvis, Fourth of July, Hawaii, Freedom

Renaming Mt. McKinley to Honor Bush?

2006-06-29T10:49:00.000-04:00

A regular reader, Grant Miller, in a comment to my post "Bush, Anticipating July 4th, Recalls McKinley's Prayer" says: "Mt. McKinley is the tallest in North America. Should it be renamed Mt. Bush after he leaves office? "

I think "Mount Bush" has sexual overtones that are not in keeping with George W.'s morally immaculate presidency. Those sex-crazed liberal comedians like Whoopie Goldberg would have a field day with that.

Still, I think you have the right idea about the bigness factor. Whatever is named for him must be colossal.

So instead of a mountain, I'm thinking as a resident of New York, The Empire State, I might volunteer Niagara Falls for consideration.

A remarkable place Niagara Falls. A great cataract complete with roaring and cleansing waters, misty rainbows, barrel-riding daredevils who bravely put their lives on the line to pursue the ultimate goal of personal freedom.

It's also a place where honeymooners go to lose themselves in the trancendental rush of Nature's power and majesty.

The kind of copulation that occurs there is focused not on pleasure, but on obeying God's injuction to be fruitful and multiply. It's conservative sex between one married man and one married woman who are married to each other. Not liberal sex which issues forth liberal social policies which lead to laziness, loafing, and finally, damnation.

I don't know about you, but I think this has a great ring to it: Welcome to Bush Falls!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Bush Falls, , Conservative Sex

Bush Anticipates July 4th: Remembers Guatemala!

2006-06-29T09:00:00.000-04:00

George W. Bush, like every good American, North and South, is thinking about the American Revolution, the Founding Fathers, and the Declaration of Independence as the Fourth of July approaches.

He is also thinking about the other grand insurgencies and counter-insurgencies from America's past.

How do I know, you ask? Because Me & George W. have amazingly similar lives. Here's what we're are thinking about today:

Colonel Jacobo Arbenz Guzmán was president of Guatemala from 1951 to 1954, when he was ousted in a coup d'état organized by the US Central Intelligence Agency, known as Operation PBSUCCESS, and was replaced by a military junta, headed by Colonel Carlos Castillo Armas, plunging the country into chaos and long-lasting political turbulence. (Citation here)

From the 1950s to the 1990s (with a suspension of military aid between 1977 and 1982), the US government directly supported Guatemala's army with training, weapons and money. The United States Army Special Forces (Green Berets) went to Guatemala to transform its army into a "modern counter-insurgency force," and made it the most powerful and sophisticated in Central America. Citation here.

Me & George W. say "Ha!" to those cut and run liberals who don't believe that the American military can train up an Iraqi military to defend Iraqi freedom!

Me & George W. know, unlike those weak, effeminate liberals, that we Americans have done it before, and we will do it again!

God bless the American military!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Fourth of July, Guatemala, Freedom

Bush on Line-Item Veto: "Set Politics Aside" -- Sark Says Same, But Simpler

2006-06-28T12:33:00.000-04:00

George W. Bush made a speech yesterday asking for passage of an executive line-item veto as crucial to controlling out-of-control government spending on wasteful government programs, exclusive of defense spending, which as President Bush is right to point out is, of course, non-discretionary.

I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is remarkably similar to George W. Bush's made similar remarks yesterday, too. Read what Me & George W. said and see if you don't agree!

PRESIDENT BUSH (June 27, 2006, Marriott Hotel, Washington, D.C.): "...I know this town is full of all kinds of politics, but we ought to set politics aside. We need to set politics aside when it comes to reforming Social Security and Medicare, and we need to set politics aside so that the President can work with the Congress to bring fiscal discipline to our budgets. That's what the taxpayers expect from those of us who are honored to serve.

PAUL M. SARK (June 27, 2006, McCann's Lounge, New York City): "...We all know D.C. is full of politics, especially bone-headed liberal politics. But we need to cut Social Security and Medicare to the bone, and then throw the bone away. That's what taxpayers want: for government to remove that bone of contention from the table. Social Security is a liberal boner that must never be swallowed again! It interferes with fiscal responsibility and personal freedom. If you know what I mean!

I think my remarks from yesterday really drive the point home compared to the remarks George W.'s new speech writers came up with. (Michael Gerson who's been writing his speeches for the last 7 years retired from his post a couple of weeks ago).

Plain, bone simple language, bleached in the transparent sun of free-market freedom: that's what the American people expect from their leaders!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Line Item Veto, Bone, Boner

Bush Anticipates July Fourth -- Remembers Victory in Panama

2006-06-28T00:11:00.000-04:00

George W. Bush, in the run-up to the big July Fourth celebration this year, is not only thinking about the American Revolutionary War and the Declaration of Independence, but is also thinking about the other grand patriotic wars and invasions and documents from America's past.

How do I know that? Because Me & George W. have amazingly similar lives. Here's what Me & George are thinking about today:

Back in 1903 after the Colombian senate refused to ratify the proposed Hay-Herrán Treaty [agreement between the United States and Colombia providing for U.S. control of the prospective Panama Canal and for U.S. acquisiton of a canal zone], a U.S. navy warship, the Nashville, prevented the landing of additional Colombian troops in Panama, thus contributing to the success of the Panamanian revolution. [Theodore] Roosevelt immediately recognized the new republic of Panama, and the Panama Canal was begun. Roosevelt's policy in Latin America prepared the way for "dollar diplomacy" in that area. (Citation here).

Back in 1989 George H.W. Bush's invasion of Panama, "Operation Just Cause," removed Manuel Noriega, Panamanian general and the de facto military leader of Panama.

Noriega was initially a strong ally of the United States, and also worked for the CIA from the late 1950s to 1986 [George H.W. Bush was CIA Director from 1976 to 1977, and so probably didn't really have a chance to get to know Noriega; otherwise he probably would have fired him for being an evildoer]. By the late 1980s relations had turned extremely tense between Noriega and the United States government, and in 1989 the general was overthrown and captured in the United States invasion of Panama. He was taken to the United States, tried for drug trafficking, and imprisoned in 1992.

May God bless George W.'s father, George H.W. Bush and Theodore Roosevelt for standing up to evil dictators like Noriega and to those lazy Columbian Senators who refused to ratify that treaty in a timely and efficient manner and held back the progress of freedom in our American hemisphere!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, George H.W. Bush, Theodore Roosevelt, Panama

Bush, Anticipating July 4th, Recalls McKinley's Prayer

2006-06-27T09:01:00.000-04:00

In the run-up to the big July Fourth celebration this year, I'm sure George W. Bush is thinking about the other grand patriotic wars from America's past.

He studied history at Yale, you know, so he knows all about history and about how not knowing about it condemns you to repeat it.

Anyway, I'm sure that this is one of George W.'s favorite war stories -- I know it's one of mine -- where President McKinley prays for guidance on what to do with all those Catholics in the Phillipines after Admiral Dewey and General Smith conquered them. Here's the story:

The acquisition of the Philippines--with its 7 million inhabitants, 85% of whom were Roman Catholics--placed or threatened to place the U.S. in the
invidious position of running a colonial empire. President William McKinley, who on the whole favored keeping the Philippines...resolved his dilemma by putting it into a religious context:
"I am not ashamed to tell you, Gentlemen, [of the Senate] that I went down on my knees and prayed Almighty God for light and guidance that one night. And one night later it came to me this way. ... There was nothing left for us to do but to take them all and to educate the Filipinos and uplift and civilize ... them, and by God's grace do the very best we could by them, as our fellow men for whom Christ also died." (Quoted from Forbes Magazine, 11.28.05

I just can't help but think how fortunate we Americans are to have another good Christian in the White House nowadays as we uplift and civilize our fellow men and women in Iraq!

May God bless George W. Bush and William McKinley for standing up for praying for American freedom!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, McKinley, Spanish American War, Praying in White House

Bush Looks Forward to July 4th: Remembers Earlier Wars

2006-06-26T09:13:00.000-04:00

There's sure to be a big 4th of July celebration this year in Washington, D.C. After all, almost all of George W.'s wars have been going extremely well, and so there's lots to celebrate!

There's the War on Flag Burning, the War on Secular Humanists and Left-Wing Professors, the War on Same Sex Marriages and Gay Celebrities, the War on Liberals Who Don't Want English To Be America's Language, the War on Tree Huggers and Global Warming Crazies Like Al Gore. There's the critical War on Taxes, and the War on the Death Tax, which Me & George W. are particularly focused on.

And of course, we're winning the biggest one of all, the War on Terror. We're all sleeping a whole lot better now because of how super well that war is going!

All great wars, all good causes.

But in the run-up to 4th of July celebration, I thought it might be a good idea to think about some of the other great patriotic wars of America's past. As a student of history -- George W. Bush studied history at Yale -- I'm sure he's thinking about some of these same great wars from the past, too. Just like me.

I thought I'd start with one of my favorite wars, The Spanish American War. I'm sure it's one of George W.'s, too. Here's what Wikipedia says about it:

The first battle was in the Philippines where, on May 1, 1898, Commodore George Dewey, commanding the United States Pacific fleet, in a matter of hours, defeated the Spanish squadron, under Admiral Patricio Montojo y Pasarón, without sustaining a casualty at sea, at the Battle of Manila Bay.

The Phillipines was also where U.S. General Jacob H. Smith issued his famous order, "Kill everyone over ten!"

_____________________________________

I don't know if George W. is familiar with this poem by John Ashbery about Admiral Dewey. I'd never heard of it; my wife though reads poetry and suggested I include it in this post. Me & George W. don't have time for poetry, so I haven't read it, but you poetry lovers out there might like it, so here it is:

______________________________________

Memories of Imperialism

Dewey took Manila
and soon after invented the decimal system
that keeps libraries from collapsing even unto this day.
A lot of mothers immediately started naming their male offspring "Dewey,"
which made him queasy. He was already having second thoughts about imperialism.
In his dreams he saw library books with milky numbers
on their spines floating in Manila Bay.
Soon even words like "vanilla" or "mantilla" would cause him to vomit.
The sight of a manila envelope precipitated him
into his study, where all day, with the blinds drawn,
he would press fingers against temples, muttering "What have I done?"
all the while. Then, gradually, he began feeling a bit better.
The world hadn't ended. He'd go for walks in his old neighborhood,
marveling at the changes there, or at the lack of them. "If one is
to go down in history, it is better to do so for two things
rather than one," he would stammer, none too meaningfully.

One day his wife took him aside
in her boudoir, pulling the black lace mantilla from her head
and across her bare breasts until his head was entangled in it.
"Honey, what am I supposed to say?" "Say nothing, you big boob.
Just be glad you got away with it and are famous." "Speaking of
boobs . . . " "Now you're getting the idea. Go file those books
on those shelves over there. Come back only when you're finished."

To this day schoolchildren wonder about his latter career
as a happy pedant, always nice with children, thoughtful
toward their parents. He wore a gray ceramic suit
walking his dog, a "bouledogue," he would point out.
People would peer at him from behind shutters, watchfully,
hoping no new calamities would break out, or indeed

that nothing more would happen, ever, that history had ended.
Yet it hadn't, as the admiral himself
would have been the first to acknowledge.

Technorati Tags: Fourth of July, Bush, Sark, Dewey, Spanish American War, Flag Burning

Bush's Leadership Genius: And Mine, Too!

2006-06-24T14:44:00.000-04:00

In The Leadership Genius of George W. Bush: 10 Common Sense Lessons from the Commander-in-Chief (79 used & new available from $1.80 at Amazon) authors Carolyn B. Thompson, Jim Ware, James W. Ware, do a remarkable job of showing how uncannily the lives of Me & George W. really are!

If you don't believe me, just take a look at these chapter headings, click on the links to selected Me & George W. blog entries and see what I mean!

1. What Do You Stand For?
Identify Core Values

2. Where Are You Going?
Inspire Through Vision

3. Can I Trust You?
Become Credible

4. Bring in the Right People, Part One
Don't Be Afraid to Hire People Smarter Than You

5. Bring in the Right People, Part Two
(Yes, it's the same citation)
Leave 'Em Alone

6. Encourage Collaboration
Build Alliances

7. Give It to 'Em Straight
Communicate

8. If It's Noon, I Must Be Jogging
Be Disciplined and Focus

9. Intuitive Wisdom
Trust Your Instincts

10. Getting Results
Hold People Accountable

Technorati Tags: Leadership, Bush, Sark, Common Sense, Genius

Bush 'Spontaneous', 'Free' And So Is Sark!

2006-06-24T10:09:00.000-04:00

In A Charge to Keep, George W. Bush's 1999 autobiography written with Karen Hughes (134 used & new available from $0.50 at Amazon), George W. and Karen Hughes write things about faith and freedom that are remarkably similar to some of the things that I have written!

Read what George W. wrote, and then read what I wrote to see how uncannily similar Me & George W. really are!

Excerpt from A Charge to Keep (Morrow, 1999, pg. 6), by George W. Bush and Karen Hughes: My faith frees me. Frees me to put the problem of the moment in proper perspective. Frees me to make decisions that others might not like. Frees me to try to do the right thing, even though it may not poll well. Frees me to enjoy life and not worry about what comes next. I've never plotted the various steps of my life, certainly never campaigned for one office to try to position myself for the next. I am more spontaneous than that. I live in the moment, seize opportunities and try to make the most of them.

Excerpt from Paul M. Sark's Journal (Sark, 1999, pg. 7), by Paul M. Sark: My faith in freedom free me. Frees me to make decisions that others might not like, like crashing weddings and reading other people's emails. Not that I'm planning to do that, of course, but I will if freedom calls me to do so. I've never plotted the various steps of my life. I am more spontaneous than that. I live in the moment, seize opportunities and try to make the most of them. That's what frees me to do the right thing, though weak and effeminate liberals might not like it. Frees me to enjoy life and not worry about what comes next. Free. Free. Free. That's me, me, me!

Uncanny that Me & George W. were thinking the same even back in 1999, isn't it? I guess we've both always had a laser-like focus on faith and freedom. And I guess it pretty obvious that the freedom-loving, faith-based policies of Me and George W. have well served the interests of the American people and all the other free people in the world who have embraced the universal principles of faith and freedom.

Free, free, free -- That's me, me, Me & George W.!

Technorati Tags: Freedom, Bush, Sark, Wiretapping, Iraq, Crashing Wedding

Bush Resolute in Facing Criticism -- So's Sark!

2006-06-22T12:45:00.000-04:00

Me & George W. typically don't answer our critics. We usually let others like Scooter Libby, Ann Coulter and my brother, Don, do the answering, while we continue pursuing our high-minded, freedom-building policies with laser-like focus.

But today I receieved another negative comment from "Bored with You and George W.". And in this special circumstance, I feel compelled to directly reply to this "person" (as I did yesterday), because there are important principles at stake for the American people. George W. Bush did the same to some liberal reporter in Austria yesterday, too.

To shirk my duty to the American people would dishonor Me & George W., the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, and of course, the flag and God Himself!

First, read "Bored with You and George W."'s comment from today, followed by my principled reply:

"Bored with You and George W." said:
You calling me a liberal in response to my comment is exactly what I expected you would do -- and therefore BORING!

Why don't you and George W. attack some other country? That at least was exciting for a while.

And with mid-term elections coming up you and George W. are going to need a boost in the polls.

But then again, another invasion will probably turn out to be boring in the end, too.

Pardon me while I yawn...

Here's my reply:

Dear "Bored with You & George W.":

You are not only a liberal, you are probably one of those human rights advocates who always single out the United States for criticism on its few minor "human rights infractions" while you give all the evil dictators a free pass for all the torturing and killing they do and no one ever hears about.

When we torture and kill people, We The People, as citizens in a transparent democracy, always punish the torturers and killers. That's what makes us special. First, we call the evil-doers un-American. Then, we give them fair trials because, after all, we believe in justice in America. Then, we usually court-martial the evil-doers to show our displeasure. By the way, in my opinion, being called un-American is probably the most severe punishment of all of these.

Where were you human rights advocates when Saddam Hussein was torturing and killing people? You were kissing up to Bill Clinton, trying to make it okay for gays in the military. That was clearly a form of torture for our brave straight men and straight women in the military. Not to know if your bunkmate or shipmate wants to mate with you? That's the kind of sick behavior you liberals advocate! Where in the Constitution does it say that's okay? Where in the Bible for that matter?

Without principles, we might as well close up shop and call ourselves a dictatorship!

God bless American Transparency! And May God Smite Unprincipled Human Rights Advocates! Hard! Really Hard!

Technorati Tags: Freedom, Bush, Sark, Bush, Iraq, Grand March to Freedom

George W. Bush and the Grand March to Freedom

2006-06-21T14:31:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I received a negative comment from a certain "Bored with You and George W.":

I've got to say I'm bored with the whole Me & George W. thing.

All you ever do is do what George W. does, and he does the same thing over and over and over. And so do you because you're so similar to him.

It's all getting a little thin, if you ask me.

Obviously, "Bored with You and George W." doesn't understand is that when Me & and George W. do something over and over and over again, that we're doing it because highly focused on our objectives. To some that may be boring. To some it may be dull.

To some it may even be a reason to "tune out" Me & George W. completely. Turn to other activities or pursuits. Wash the car, brush the dog, wash and brush the dog and wax the car.

Well, what people got to understand is that boredom is not an excuse. Real Americans should be 100% focused on what Me & George W. are focused on. We're fighting a War on Terror, for God's sake! We're making Progress in Iraq! And every single day we are a day closer to the glorious end of the Grand March to Freedom, the day when we will all link arms and march into the Realm of Absolute Freedom together!

Those who are "bored," who don't have the stamina for the Grand March to Freedom, who are out of step with their fellow Americans and the rest of the free world are either going have to keep up or become yet another weak-ass, whining liberal, left behind, choking in our dust on the road to revelation. The choice is yours, America!

May God Bless Freedom.

And May God, in his Infinite Wisdom, Smite the Bored! Hard!

Technorati Tags: Freedom, Bush, Sark, Bush, Iraq, Grand March to Freedom

Bush Triumphant in Iraq. Sark Same in Greenwich Village!

2006-06-17T14:56:00.000-04:00

President George W. Bush recounted his sensational trip to Baghdad last week in his Saturday radio address. Similarly, I recounted my remarkable experience last week in Greenwich Village during my Father's Day brunch address.

Both Me & George W. continue to stike blows for freedom. We are in the business of freedom for the long haul. Read what George W. said, and then read what I said if you don't believe me.

PRESIDENT BUSH (Saturday Radio Address): I traveled to Baghdad to personally show our Nation's commitment to a free Iraq, because it is vital for the Iraqi people to know with certainty that America will not abandon them after we have come this far. The challenges that remain in Iraq are serious. We face determined enemies who remain intent on killing the innocent, and defeating these enemies will require more sacrifice and the continued patience of our country.

PAUL M. SARK (Father's Day Brunch Address): I traveled to Greenwhich Village to personally show our Nation's commitment to a free Greenwich Village, because it is vital for the non-gay people there to know with certainty that America will not abandon them to the unfreedoms imposed on them by the enemy, who, in their icky gay way, are like Iraqi insurgents and Mexican immigrants. The challenges that remain in Greenwich Village are serious. We face determined enemies who remain intent on preying upon innocent tourists from out of town who don't know what gay people look like, and defeating these enemies will require more sacrifice and the continued patience of our country!

You'll notice that in the last sentence of my address there's an exclamation point. That's because I had to shout at the end of my address to drown out my liberal sister-in-law, Ginger. As regular readers of this blog know, Ginger, like most liberals, has trouble with authority generally and me and my policies specifically, especially those policies that deal with my accidentally reading her email and crashing her best friend's wedding.

But what Ginger and liberals like her got to understand is that when it comes to spreading freedom, nothing will stand in the way of Me & George W.!

Technorati Tags: Freedom, Bush, Sark, Bush, Iraq, Greenwich Village

George W. Bush Looking Forward to Father's Day -- And I Am, Too!

2006-06-17T09:06:00.000-04:00

George W. Bush woke up this morning looking forward to Father's Day.

To breakfast in bed. Slippers fitted to presidential feet just before they hit the floor. To an extra glass of orange juice and a second coffee on the couch. To late morning phone calls from hungover daughters. To laying in the hammock dozing, listening to the ballgame in the late afternoon. To a nice dinner followed by satisfying, if perfunctory, conjugality with his wife.

How do I know all that? Because, as I believe I have shown in most of the entries below, my life is very similar to George W. Bush's life and that is what I woke up thinking about this morning.

I also had some thoughts this morning that might not be exactly similar to George W.'s thoughts. I thought, for example, about that new project director at the office, Gemmma, who was moved into the cubicle outside my office yesterday. I thought about her breasts, so artfully displayed, gently framed by the low-cut summer dress she wore. Flowered it was, the dress. Rustling when she walked by.

But, then again, who knows? Maybe George W. has a new staffer who was wearing a similar dress about whom he made similar observations. I have not been able to confirm this. The media tends not to report on these types of items, not even FoxNews.

I am sure, however, that Me & George W. agree that women really belong in the home and not in the workplace -- with the exception of attractive young women, who, because they are seeking husbands and eventually children, do need to be in places where there are eligible men for them to flirt with, to make mistakes with and errors of judgment with, to cry on the shoulders of more experienced older men with, some of whom may or may not be married.

Then I thought about the Sazerac cocktail, arguing with myself whether it should be served in an old-fashioned glass or in a martini glass. The old-fashioned glass is the traditional glass for the Sazerac. But recently, I was served a Sazerac in a martini glass, and found the experience intriguing.

Bearing the Sazerac like a precious chalice, the waitress serving me had to tread lightly so as not to spill it. As she walked toward me across the length of the restaurant, she radiated a kind of saintly concentration. When at last, without spilling a drop, she placed it before me, I didn't know whether to bless her or ask for her telephone number. Obviously, none of this would never have happened with an old-fashioned glass.

As traditional conservatives, Me & George W. believe that women belong in the home and Sazerac cocktails belong in old-fashioned glasses. But as modern conservatives, we are open to incremental change as well, especially when it involves attractive young women in positions of service. Which, when you think about it, is actually an updated traditionalist view.

I don't know whether Laura Bush will serve George Bush a Sazerac cocktail in a martini glass or an old-fashioned glass tomorrow night before and/or after dinner. Or whether it will be an attractive young White House staffer in a low-cut summmer dress. All I know is that one day a year, Father's Day, Me & George W. get to laze around the house and be treated in the traditional fashion we so richly deserve!

Technorati Tags: Father's Day, Bush, Low-Cut Dresses, Sazerac Cocktail, Traditional Conservative, Modern Conservative

Another Bush Victory for Freedom -- Residential Privacy Banned

2006-06-16T12:36:00.000-04:00

On a roll this week after his sensational trip to Baghdad, George W. Bush was thrilled to hear he had scored another victory yesterday in the War on Terror when the Supreme Court decided that police in the United States who enter a home illegally without knocking and find incriminating evidence can use it in a trial.

How do I know that George W. Bush was thrilled when none of the media accounts said so? Simple. Because I was. As regular readers of this blog know, Me & George W. have amazingly similar lives. And if I'm thrilled, then George W. Bush is thrilled.

Here's why we were thrilled: Now police can illegally enter the homes of terrorists and other undesireables such as gay couples planning to get married in Massachusetts or illegal immigrants planning to collect welfare and get major elective surgery for free at U.S. hospitals. How great is that?

Police can gather evidence against these evildoers -- bombs, wedding clothes and maps with hospitals circled in red -- without having to worry about these tell-tale signs of evil being thrown out of court by liberal judges.

Of course, liberals, like they always do, are already asking their weak, nit-picky questions like: "Shouldn't citizens have a right to privacy in their homes?"

Me & George W. know that people who are not terrorists, not gays planning marriage andnot immigrants planning surgery, have nothing to fear from this ruling. Only known members Al-Queda and their affiliates, people who are planning to commit crimes against nature and against U.S. borders will be targeted by police.

Anti-war protesters, no matter how liberal and extreme and anti-American they are, have nothing to fear. Unless they have bombs, wedding dresses or tuxedos or other such contraband in their homes or the homes of their affiliates or their affiliates' affiliates.

According to the San Franciso Chronicle, "The Supreme Court said police intrusions on residential privacy are adequately restrained by several factors -- including "the increasing professionalism of police forces'' -- without suppressing evidence that is obtained with a search warrant."

In other words, just like our increasingly professional soldiers, our increasingly professional police can be trusted to do the right thing. Just as progress is being made in Iraq, progress is being made in police departments across the United States to protect the rights of the innocent and abridge the rights of the guilty. Americans can all breathe a little easier starting...well, starting right now!

I know I'm planning to go out, have a few drinks and breathe a little easier starting tonight. I assume George W. will do the same!

Technorati Tags: Freedom, Bush, Supreme Court, Judge Alito, Increasingly Professional Police, Residential Privacy

Bush Pro-Freedom, Anti-Poverty -- Sark Says Same!

2006-06-15T14:54:00.000-04:00

President George Bush today made a speech at Global Development's 2006 National Summit in Washington, D.C. where he talked about the correlation between freedom and prosperity.

A few days ago I made a similar speech to a beggar in Brooklyn. Given the remarkable similarity between Me & George W.'s lives, it's perhaps not surprising that certain sections of our speeches were very similar.

Read what George Bush said, followed by what I said, and see for yourself:

PRESIDENT BUSH (to Global Development's 2006 Summit attendees): I believe there's a correlation between prosperity and freedom. And this country of ours will continue to pursue an agenda that understands that human liberty is universal. It's just not a U.S. thing, it's its own -- liberty is something that everybody yearns for. And the freer the world becomes, the more prosperous the world becomes and the more likely people will not be mired in poverty.

PAUL M. SARK (to Beggar on 7th Avenue, Brooklyn): I believe there's an inverse correlation between freedom and taxes. This country of ours will continue to pursue an agenda that understands that human liberty and the desire for lower taxes is universal. Liberty and lower taxes is something that everybody yearns for. And the freer the world becomes of taxes, the more prosperous the world becomes and the more likely people will not be mired in poverty.

I assume George W. Bush got a rousing round of applause for his speech. In my case, the beggar, overwhelmed with emotion, turned away and shambled off down the street, no doubt nourished by my message of freedom as he retired to his piss-stained perch on the steps of the Szechaun place down the block.

God bless freedom and lower taxes!

Technorati Tags: Freedom, Bush, Iraq, Prosperity

Bush Makes Suprise Trip to Iraq -- Sark Surprises Greenwich Village

2006-06-14T13:07:00.000-04:00

President George W. Bush, radiating the same "Mission Accomplished" manliness he displayed a few years ago in declaring the "end of major conflict" in Iraq, made a brief speech in Baghdad during a surprise visit to the Green Zone in that city yesterday.

I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is amazingly similar to George W.'s, made a similar surprise visit yesterday to New York's Greenwich Village and made some uncannily similar remarks. Read on and see what I mean.

PRESIDENT BUSH in Green Zone in Baghdad: Iraq is a part of the war on terror. Iraq is a central front on that war, and when Iraq succeeds in having a government of and by and for the people of Iraq, you will have dealt a serious blow to those who have a vision of darkness, who don't believe in liberty, who are willing to kill the innocent in order to achieve a political objective.

ME, PAUL M. SARK in Greenwich Village in New York City: Greenwich Village is a central front in the war on homosexual marriage. When Greenwich Village succeeds in having a government of and by and for the real people of Greenwich Village and the American people, we will have dealt a serious blow to those who have a vision of darkness, who don't believe in the liberty of one man-one woman marriage, and who are willing to prey upon the weak minds of liberals and their fellow travelers in order to achieve their disgusting, vile and anti-Christian political objectives!

Me & George W. know that surprise visits to dangerous and exotic locales are important because it shows the American people and the world that Americans are manly, decisive and persistent in the face of adversity. We'd really rather not have to be show-offs, but America and the world expects it of its leaders and deciders.

We also know that it's best not to give too much advance warning about these manly missions, and that it's a good idea not to stick around too long either. Sticking around is show-offy, too, and Me & George W., as strong laconic American men in the mold of Ronald Reagan, dislike show-offiness in all its degraded forms. Preening is for liberals, transvestites and cross-dressers.

After my speech on the corner of West 4th and 6th, for instance, I waited for about half a minute for questions. When none were forthcoming, I bowed and jumped on the subway, confident that I had served as a beacon of hope and liberty to the embattled residents of Greenwich Village, just as George W. did in Baghdad.

May God bless Greenwich Village! And for that matter, Iraq, too!

Technorati Tags: Gay Marriage, Bush, Iraq, Bush in Baghdad

Al-Zarqawi -- Dead or Alive -- Does Not Matter, Says American Public

2006-06-13T16:40:00.000-04:00

According to a recent CBS poll "half of Americans think the level of violence in Iraq will be unchanged by Zarqawi's death, while 30 percent say it will actually lead to more attacks against U.S. forces."

My own private poll which I administered at McCann's Lounge last night finds that 80% of Americans don't trust polls in general, and 95% don't trust polls from CBS, that most liberal of liberal networks.

My poll also found that 100% of Americans think the level of violence in Iraq will go down dramatically with al-Zarqawi's death. In the words of one respondent: "With Zarqawi dead his followers won't know what the hell to do. They'll probably just wander off into the desert and die. And dead terrorists are the best kind."

When informed that al-Zarqawi was spotted in New York City on two recent occasions, both times with his gay Mexican immigrant boyfriend, the same respondent said: "Well that's entirely different. He could cause real damage to U.S. morality, especially if he and his boyfriend get married."

This same respondent then encouraged the entire population of McCann's to light torches, find al-Zarqawi and his boyfriend, and bring them to justice. "Torture" was suggested as one possible outcome of the administration of justice, and "extraordinary rendition" was another.

The margin of sampling error on the McCann's Lounge Al-Zarqawi poll is +/- 3 percentage points at the 50th percentile.

Technorati Tags: Gay Marriage, Bush, Iraq, al-Zarqawi

Reports of Al-Zarqawi's Death Greatly Exaggerated -- Again!

2006-06-12T16:55:00.000-04:00

According to yet another well-placed source, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the mastermind behind hundreds of bombings, kidnappings and beheadings in Iraq, was spotted walking the streets on New York's Madison Avenue wearing white Ralph Lauren shorts today. (See post below for first sighting).

The source spotted him with another male, presumably his boyfriend (see two previous posts below). The other male was speaking to Zarqawi in Spanish, and is thought to be a Mexican immigrant.

This latest eyewitness account of al-Zarqawi cruising the streets of New York proves that New York City is incapable of capturing terrorists and executing them, and also incapable of rooting out and deporting marriageable homosexuals and Mexican immigrants.

It's this kind of incompetence that proves New York deserved to have its Federal anti-terror grant money cut. Me & George W. know that until they can clean up their streets they shouldn't get another penny of the American people's hard-earned tax money.

Yes, once again liberal New Yorkers and terrorists have put American lives in danger like they did on 9/11. Not only in danger of terrorist attacks, but in danger of gay Mexican immigrant predators who will stop at nothing to destroy the one-man one-woman tradition of American marriage!

Technorati Tags: Gay Marriage, Bush, Immigration, al-Zarqawi

Reports of Al-Zarqawi's Death Greatly Exaggerated

2006-06-11T12:35:00.000-04:00

According to a well-placed source, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the mastermind behind hundreds of bombings, kidnappings and beheadings in Iraq, was spotted walking the streets in New York's hip Chelsea district wearing cutoff jeans.

The semi-confidential source spotted him with his boyfriend. Recognizing al-Zarqawi's legs, the source immediately contacted me, Paul M. Sark, who, as regular readers of this blog know, has a life that is amazingly similar to that of George W. Bush, and is therefore very interested in the whereabouts of gay immigrant terrorists.

This eyewitness account of al-Zarqawi cruising the streets of New York (see Zhiluv's comment in post below) confirms what Me & George W. have always known: that until the Constitution is amended to forever affirm that marriage in America is between one man and one woman, then America will continue to be a haven for gay immigrant terrorists.

As to whether al-Zarqawi and his boyfriend will be getting married in Massachusetts (see my post immediately below), the source was not able to provide any new information. Another well-placed source notes that is conceivable that Al-Zarqawi will put his evil "mastermind" to use as an interior designer among Manhattan's liberal cognoscenti, and may be biding his time waiting for the liberal activist judges in New York to rule in favor of gay marriage.

"Although he was a high-school dropout," said the source, "he has shown himself to a highly effective and determined manager. That's what counts in New York, especially in New York's Silk Stocking district on the Upper East Side. The Park Avenue crowd hates it when designers can't meet deadlines." "One thing for sure," the source concluded, "he'll be a whiz in the demolition stage of apartment renovation."

Me & George W. know this all could have been avoided if only Congress had had the moral courage to support the pro-staight marriage amendment last week. Now we'll have to fight them over here when we all know we were fighting them over there so we wouldn't have to fight them here!

And so, once again the liberals have put American lives in danger. Not only in danger of terrorist attacks, but in danger of gay predators who will stop at nothing to destroy the one-man one-woman tradition of American marriage!

May God continue to bless America and George W. in the face of this perversion of American freedom!

Technorati Tags: Gay Marriage, Bush, Immigration, al-Zarqawi

Zarqawi Killed But Gay Marriage Still Stands

2006-06-10T14:15:00.000-04:00

By now the whole world knows that last week, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the mastermind behind hundreds of bombings, kidnappings and beheadings in Iraq, was killed early Wednesday by a U.S. airstrike north of Baghdad.

But what most people don't know -- except for Me & George W. and a few others -- is this:
Not only was al-Zarqawi a terrorist, he was gay and had just booked a flight to Massachusetts so that he could marry his terrorist boyfriend!

That's right. And now think about this: On Wednesday the Senate rejected a constitutional amendment to support non-gay marriage, effectively killing the measure in the Senate for this year.

Me & George W. know that the Constitutional amendment supporting non-gay marriage needs to be brought up again for a vote immediately. And that the immigration bill must be passed. Both measures are critical to keeping America safe, strong and straight!

God bless American freedom! Death to gay immigrant Islamic terrorists!

Technorati Tags: Gay Marriage, Bush, Gay Terrorists, Zarqawi

Bush Not Worried About Senate Voting Down Anti-Gay Marriage Amendment -- Sark Says Same!

2006-06-07T23:16:00.000-04:00

Today, the Senate rejected a constitutional amendment to support non-gay marriage, effectively killing the measure in the Senate for this year.

But Me & George W. are not worried about this temporary setback. We know that the American people are outraged! Really outraged! Appalled! Fearful!

George W. Bush suggested the Constitutional ban was proper and its time would eventually come. Not surprisingly, given the similarity between the lives of Me & George W.,I suggested almost exactly the same thing to my friends at McCann's Lounge tonight.

Read what George W. said, then read what I said:

PRESIDENT BUSH: "Our nation's founders set a high bar for amending our Constitution and history has shown us that it can take several tries before an amendment builds the two-thirds support it needs in both houses of Congress.''

PAUL M. SARK: "History – I'm thinking of Prohibition here – has shown us that banning bad habits – like homosexuality -- can take several tries before the American people and their duly elected representatives are able to stem the tide of Godless liberal socialist Darwinist degeneracy."

You see, Me & George W. know that nothing makes God and the American people madder than gay people drinking and having perverted sex.

Unless it's gays getting married and getting the same marriage tax break from activist liberal judges that man/woman marriages get.

Or illegal immigrants getting drunk and having scads of bastard kids on welfare that real Americans have to foot the bill for.

Or gay illegal immigrants who want real Americans to pay their college tuition so they can become gay liberal professors and prey on American youth, and who at the same time agitate to change the national language from English to Spanish!

That's why a Constiutional amendment supporting non-gay marriage is critical to keeping America safe, strong, sober, and straight. God bless American freedom!

Technorati Tags: Gay Marriage, Bush, Gay Predator Judges, Gay Hispanic College Professors

George W. Bush Endorses Non-Gay Marriage Again -- And So Do I!

2006-06-06T00:10:00.000-04:00

George W. Bush today made remarks on the sanctity of non-gay marriage, saying nearly the same thing he said Saturday in his radio address.

But for those of us whose lives are amazingly similar to George W. Bush's -- and that number is growing despite what liberal pollsters say -- we know that "nearly the same" is not the same as "exactly the same."

Regular readers of this blog know that Me & George W. are similar because we are not only deciders, but also because we are repeaters. And so, in the interest of demonstrating once again the value and the power of repeating things with slight variations to drive home a point, here's what George W. said Saturday, followed by what he said Monday. These passages are then are followed by what I said Saturday and Monday.

Notice how in repeating ourselves we add more nuance to the debate over non-gay marriage!

PRESIDENT BUSH (Saturday Radio Address): "As this debate goes forward, we must remember that every American deserves to be treated with tolerance, respect, and dignity. All of us have a duty to conduct this discussion with civility and decency toward one another, and all people deserve to have their voices heard."

PRESIDENT BUSH (Monday, Eisenhower Executive Office Bldg.): "As this debate goes forward, every American deserves to be treated with tolerance and respect and dignity. On an issue of this great significance, opinions are strong and emotions run deep."

Now here's what I said at McCann's on Saturday, followed by what I said Monday:

PAUL M. SARK (Saturday at McCann's): "As this debate goes forward, we must remember that there can be no debate when it comes to evil men in [judicial] robes who want to legalize the perversion of the next generation of American boys and then claim a tax deduction to boot!"

PAUL M. SARK (Monday at McCann's):"As this debate goes forward, we must remember that there can be no debate when it comes to filthy liberal activist judges in judicial robes who, disgustingly, wear no underwear because it cramps their homosexual need for instantaneous degenerate sex. Significantly, these judges want to legalize the perversion of the next generation of American boys and then claim a strong and deep tax deduction to boot!"

Me & George W. know that after deciding comes repeating. And with repeating, comes elaboration to drive the point home. And to that point, Me & George W., as we so much like to say, once again say, God bless America, and God bless American freedom!

Technorati Tags: Gay Marriage, Bush, Gay Predator Judges, Repeater

George W. Bush Endorses Non-Gay Marriage -- And So Do I!

2006-06-04T09:32:00.000-04:00

In his radio address on Saturday, George W. Bush said that there must be an amendment to the Constitution to define marriage as the union of a man and a woman. In my address at McCann's on Friday night I said almost exactly the same thing!

Read what George W. Bush said, then read what I said and see if you don't agree Me & George W. have uncannily similar lives!

THE PRESIDENT:Next week, the United States Senate will begin debate on a constitutional amendment that defines marriage in the United States as the union of a man and woman.

...An amendment to the Constitution is necessary because activist courts have left our Nation with no other choice.

...As this debate goes forward, we must remember that every American deserves to be treated with tolerance, respect, and dignity.

And here's what I said at McCann's:

PAUL M. SARK: Next week, the United States Senate will begin debate on a constitutional amendment that will prevent forever homosexuals getting the marriage tax deduction as a reward for their perversion.

...An amendment to the Constitution is necessary because liberal judges, many of them gay predators, encourage this abomination so they can have all the sex they want with altar boys like the Catholic priests do. What is it about guys in robes anyway?

...As this debate goes forward, we must remember that there can be no debate when it comes to evil men in robes who want to legalize the perversion of the next generation of American boys and then claim a tax deduction to boot!

I think it's pretty clear that Me & George W. share similar ideas about the rightness of non-gay marriage. And so, as we so much like to say, God bless America, and God bless American freedom!

Technorati Tags: Gay Marriage, Bush, Gay Predator Judges, Constitutional Amendment

White House Opens Door to Dissenters -- And So Do I!

2006-06-03T09:31:00.000-04:00

According to an article in today's Washington Post, a "White House long accused of squelching internal dissent and ignoring outside viewpoints has been reaching out in its moment of weakness to prominent figures who have disagreed with the president."

Not surprisingly, given the uncanny similarity between the lives of me & George W., I, Paul M. Sark have been reaching out, too. Here's what I mean:

According to the Post, White House communications director Nicolle Wallace said: "The notion that there hasn't been debate here over the last 5 1/2 years is flat wrong. But it's also true that there's more people with more ideas and perspectives, and that's good."

According to Paul M. Sark, Paul M. Sark said: "The notion that I haven't pretended to listen to the ridiculous opinions of my liberal sister-in-laws over the last 15 1/2 years is flat nuts. But it's also true that now that they've all either got husbands or boyfriends there's a lot more people with more ridiculous liberal ideas and perspectives -- if you can call them that. And that's good in a way because now they're so busy splitting hairs on their anti-American liberal positions that I can think about freedom without all the interruption."

In an example of the new openness at the White House, the Post story said:

"When retired Gen. Barry R. McCaffrey criticized the Bush administration's handling of the Iraq war three years ago, he was lambasted as an armchair general and deemed an adversary by the Pentagon. So even McCaffrey was surprised to find himself in the Oval Office this week giving President Bush his thoughts on Iraq.

In an example of the new openness in the Sark House, Paul M. Sark said:

"When my sister-in-law Ginger criticized my reading her email and crashing her best friend's wedding, I lambasted her as an enemy of freedom and an adversary of liberty. I'll bet Ginger was suprised I was willing to eat lunch with her at Bennigan's two Saturday's ago, and even more surprised I was willing to hear her ridiculous comparison of a malfunctioning fire alarm to torture at that prison in Iraq."

Me & George W. know that sometimes in the interest of spreading American freedom, you've got to give your enemies the impression they have a say in things. Lull them to sleep, then -- bang! -- you hit 'em with a bunker buster and declare victory.

Then, before they know what hit them, you move on to the next threat against universal freedom and liberty, leaving your enemies in the dust with their antique ideas about democracy spinning round and round in their liberal heads and that "cuckoo, cuckoo" sound ringing in their ears.

God bless American freedom!

Technorati Tags: Freedom, Bush, "Democracy", Paul M. Sark

George W. Endorses Secrecy at Hayden Swearing-In -- And I Do, Too!

2006-06-01T12:25:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, George W. Bush made a speech at the swearing-in ceremony of new CIA Director, Michael Hayden. I made a very similar speech at a meeting of marketing executives at a Fortune 500 Company on Tuesday.

Just another example of the amazing similarity between the lives of Me & George W.! Read these excerpts from our speeches and see if you don't agree:

PRESDIDENT BUSH (at CIA HQ): The men and women who work here at the CIA have got a tough job and a really important job. You must penetrate closed societies and secretive organizations. You must master foreign languages and deal with unfamiliar cultures. Much of your work is secret, and American lives depend on that work remaining secret. America appreciates the good work you're doing, and so do I.

PAUL M. SARK (at Fortune 500 Company, Marketing Division): The men and women who work here at the AX Corp. have got a tough job and a really important job. You must penetrate the closed minds of consumers and unravel their secrets. To win globally, you must master foreign languages and deal with unfamiliar cultures. Much of your work is secretive, and American lives depend on that work remaining secret until you roll out that global ad campaign. America appreciates the good work you're doing, and so do I!

Me & George W. both know that in order to understand your potential clients you've first got to penetrate them. Secretly at first, then, with overwhelming force!

Technorati Tags: CIA, Bush, Fortune 500 Company, Hayden