Bush Endorses Freedom in Middle East: Sark Does Too!

Today, President Bush in his radio address spoke about positive vales of freedom and decisiveness in the face of insecurity and instability in the Middle East.

I, Paul M. Sark, conservative candidate for the office of President of the Union Street Block Association and a man whose life is amazingly similar to that of George W. Bush, today spoke decisively about the universal value of freedom.

If you read what George W. Bush said on the radio, followed by my address to my liberal sister-in-law, Ginger, I think you'll have to agree that Bush's foreign policy is remarkably similar to my domestic policy.

PRESIDENT BUSH (Saturday Radio Address): The world's best hope for lasting security and stability across the Middle East is the establishment of free and just societies. America and our allies will act decisively because we know our security is at stake in this struggle and we know the cause of freedom will prevail.

PAUL M. SARK (addressing Ginger): The world's best hope for lasting security and stability across Union Street is the establishment of a free and just and conservative society. My allies and I will act decisively because we know our security is at stake in this struggle and we know the cause of freedom will prevail.

George W. in his radio address did not have to take any guff from his audience. That's one of the great things he has going for him. He can just pretty much say what he wants to say most of the time.

On the other hand, when I addressed Ginger, I had to defend my views. Which is easy, because liberals have no ideas. Or if they do, they're so convoluted that nobody understands them.

Conservative ideas on the other hand are simple and based on a deep understanding of human nature. Which is why we're right and liberals are always wrong. Just ask Ann Coulter.

Anyway, read what Ginger said, and see how easily I reveal the flaws in her liberal talking points:

GINGER (liberal sister-in-law): "You and George W. -- always with the glittering generalities about "freedom" and "security." Whose freedom? Our freedom to invade Iraq, destabilize and destroy it? Or the Iraqi people's freedom to get killed in the civil war that we unleashed?"

PAUL M. SARK (addressing Ginger): "You are free to leave, Ginger. Free to leave Union Street. Free to leave America. Free to go to Iraq and join with the terrorists if you want. That's what freedom is here in America."

GINGER, rolling eyes: "Oh, no. Here we go. America: Love It or Leave It. What makes you think anybody on Union Street is going to buy that garbage? Most of the people in the neighborhood were either draft resisters, or are the children of draft resisters. They see right through that Karl Rove divide and conquer crap."

PAUL M. SARK, cagily:"How much you want to bet some of them went on Freedom Marches? Or went on Freedom Rides in the South back in the 60s? And sang songs about Freedom? And still do?"

GINGER (exasperatedly): "You've got to be kidding me."

PAUL M. SARK:"They agree with me that freedom is a universal value. And that's why they'll vote for me. And if you really believed in freedom, you'd support this administration's tax policies and let people keep more of their own money to and spend it in ways that will keep America strong."

GINGER: "Your idea of freedom is not their idea of freedom, Paul. Your idea of freedom is to let poor people starve. Freely."

Having prevailed in the eternal fight for freedom at this point, I bid Ginger goodbye and went home, congratulating myself on my remarkable powers of political insight and persuasion.


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