President George W. Bush shared some of the secrets of winning elections at his press conference in Chicago yesterday. Confident of victory, Bush told a skeptical reporter that he was looking forward to the elections.Yesterday, I also had occasion to share some secrets of winning elections: I'm currently running for president of our local block association. I shared my secrets with a skeptical neighbor. (Me & George W. are used to skeptics; they don't bother us).
Read what George W. said, followed by what I said, and then ask yourself if our beliefs on winning elections are amazingly similar or not. I think you'll say, yes, Mr. Sark, they are!
PRESIDENT BUSH (Museum of Science and Industry, Chicago, Illinois): Here's how you win elections. You win elections by believing something. You win elections by having a plan to protect the American people from terrorist attack. You win elections by having a philosophy that has actually produced results -- economic growth, for example -- or kind of changing the school systems for the better, or providing prescription drug coverage for elders. That's how you win elections.
PAUL M. SARK (Tea Lounge, Brooklyn, NY): Here's how you win elections. You win elections by saying your opponent believes in socialism and therefore sympathizes with terrorists. You win elections by having a philosophy that promises results -- economic growth is always a good one -- or kind of changing the school system somehow for the better, or providing a little pocket money to the old people on this block so they can buy a bagel or two to spread their cat food pate' on. That's how you win elections.
So go ahead. Say it. Say: "Yes Mr. Sark, your beliefs and George W. beliefs
are amazingly similar."
Good. Now say: "The universal value of freedom is universally valued, and the more people that come to value it, universally, the more universal it will become." Excellent!
Now say, as
Me & George W. say: "God bless American freedom!" Now quickly say: "You have my vote, Mr. Sark!"
Thank you for your vote, neighbor, and don't forget, a vote for Sark is both a vote for freedom and kind of changing schools or something, and a vote against liberal terrorist unfreedom!
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Bush,
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Terrorists
3 comments:
Sounds like you're a shoo-in; just promise me that you are going to ban all abortions in the block association forever and you'll have my vote.
you're drunk again, aren't you?
I do worry about the "elders" as Mr. Bush so eloquently put it. I have to disagree that elders need bagels, tho. Bagels are very chewy and cause many dental problems. I think they should stick to the Friskies pate on its own. Easier to gum down. Just my opinion...
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