Dick Cheney Drinking, Advising in Brooklyn

Dick Cheney was in Brooklyn last night at a local hangout, McCann's Lounge, silently and powerfully drinking shot after shot of Jim Beam. He left without paying. A regular patron at McCann's -- me, Paul M. Sark -- was happy to pick up Cheney's $42 tab.

Why? Because I'm running for president of the Union Street Block Association on the neo-conservative line. The fact that Mr. Cheney was here in Brooklyn was a sign to me that I have the support of national conservatives in my campaign to put left-wing Brooklyn right, if you know what I mean.

Mr. Cheney, when I asked him if he had any advice for my campaign, stared long and hard into his shot glass. He shifted on his stool, and rolled his shoulders. "War on Terror," he growled. "9/11. Lower taxes. Releasing entrepreneurial spirit of average American."

Mr. Cheney then ordered three more shots and tossed them down one after the other, slamming the empties down on the bar as he finished each one. Getting up to leave, his parting words to me were: "Never explain, never apologize. Never give a sucker an even break." He lumbered outside to his waiting limousine and disappeared into the Brooklyn night.

I swore to myself then that in my campaign for president of the Union Street Block Association I would follow his dictates to the letter. After all, Dick Cheney, successful businessman and top-notch vice president knows a thing or two about terror in addition to running a successful campaign. Both political and military.

So may God bless Dick Cheney! And the American entrepreneurial spirit!

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