Rumsfeld Admits "Operation Urgent Refreshment" Will Take Time

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld today announced that all the members of the Supreme Court of India had escaped capture by Operation Urgent Refreshment and were probably hiding in the Kaimur Hills in the Vindhy Range in central India.

The mission, which expanded the War on Terror to India last night was still judged to be a success by Rumsfeld, who held a briefing at the Pentagon this morning to explain how this could be.

"These things take time, sometimes lots of time," Rumsfeld told reporters in the standing-room-only briefing. "Are liberal judges wily? Yes. Are they immoral? Yes. Will we catch them, and if so, when? Yes and soon are the answers on that last semi-fancy double-barreled rhetorical question."

"It's just incredible to me that we gave India's highest court one whole day -- 24 gosh darn hours -- to back off on their demand that Coca-Cola reveal its secret formula," Rumsfeld explained. "But did they respond? No. Did they take us seriously? No. Will they now? They should. But they probably won't."

President George W. Bush had announced the possibility of invasion from the Oval Office on Sunday, saying that the demand of the Supreme Court judges to reveal the 120 year old Coca-Cola formula "will not stand," and that "these evil dictator judges in India seek to devalue the most basic universal right of the free market -- to market products freely without interference from terrorist judges."

Rumsfeld, asked why he had sent in a small commando unit to capture the Supreme Court judges instead of the 300,000 troops called for by the Joint Chiefs, said that a force that size was unnecessary given his recent modernization of the military. "You don't need a hammer to swat a fly," he told reporters. "You don't need 300,000 troops to catch a band of liberal judges. You just need a few good men, like the slogan says. Or 'That's the song I hear' like that great old Coke song from the 60s says."

Veteran reporter Helen Thomas pointed out to Rumsfeld that since the operation hadn't actually caught the judges that this argued that more troops were called for. "That's why you're sitting out there and not running this war," Rumsfeld suggested. "We'll get them. Mark my words. Why? Because we must, that's why. We'll be looking in every spider hole in the Kaimur Hills. Why? Because that's where they're hiding. Like spiders. Like Osama. Like Hezbollah in Lebanon."

In Brooklyn, Paul M. Sark, whose blog this is and who is writing up this latest update, feels sure that the liberal judges will be caught. He also feels that Rumsfeld probably drinks Coke, too, like he and George W. do, and that Rumsfeld will prosecute this mission with even more tenacity that the mission in Iraq because of his strong brand affinity with Coke.

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