Rumsfeld Says Victory Assured for Operation Urgent Refreshment

Today, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, following up on his announcement from yesterday, said that American forces are getting closer to capturing the "renegade" members of the Supreme Court of India. The "liberal terrorist judges," who have so far eluded escaped by Operation Urgent Refreshment are still believed to be hiding in the Kaimur Hills in the Vindhy Range in central India.

The mission, initiated Sunday by George W. Bush, expanded the Global War on Terror to India. In the past two days, the operation has been condemned by every leader of every country in the world.

"When you're doing the work of the Anmerican people, who, by the way, come from all over the world, then you're really doing the work of all the people of the world," Rumsfeld told reporters in the standing-room-only briefing. "But we don't even need their input because George W. Bush is the leader of the American people, and what he says basically goes."

"It's still incredible to me that we gave India's highest court one whole day -- 24 gosh darn hours -- to back off on their demand that Coca-Cola reveal its secret formula," Rumsfeld explained. "How incredible do I think it is? Damned incredible."

President George W. Bush had announced the possibility of invasion Sunday, saying that the demand of the Supreme Court judges to reveal the 120 year old Coca-Cola formula "will not stand." Today, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said the president is "still resolved to take the fight to the evildoer liberal judges who have taken it upon themselves to threaten the freedom of the global marketplace."

Rumsfeld, who sent a small Marine commando unit to capture the Supreme Court judges instead of the 300,000 troops called for by the Joint Chiefs, has been criticized by every strategist and pundit who is not a part of current administration. He replied to those critics today, saying: "These people have no idea what they're talking about. I could beat every one of them at Hooks and Ladders, every one of them at Stratego. How do I know that? Because it's obvious. Why it is obvious? Because I said so."

In Brooklyn, Paul M. Sark, whose blog this is and who is writing up this latest update, is going on vacation tomorrow. He feels sure that by the time he gets back that the judges will have been found, tortured, tried and executed.

God bless Rumsfeld and God Bless Coke and American Freedom!

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