Rumsfeld Modestly Maintains He's "Not Santa"

"I'd love to be Santa Claus. I'm not," Donald Rumsfeld told reporters the other day, adding that he would make no promises that the 172nd Stryker Brigade based in Alaska would be home for the holidays.

The unit's deployment to Iraq was recently extended by up to four months to bolster U.S. firepower in the Baghdad area.

Rumsfeld's statement was similar to a statement made by George W. Bush earlier in the week during his unusual 54 minute press conference: "War is not a joy."

This is exactly the kind of hard-hitting no-nonsense kind of talk we Americans have come to expect from the man who has so successfully guided the war in Iraq for George W. Bush, aka, the War President.

At the same time, I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is amazingly similar to George W. Bush's, think that Mr. Rumsfeld is being unduly modest.

In fact, Secretary of Denfense Donald Rumsfeld, under the direction of President Bush has brought the multi-billion dollar gift of freedom to the Iraqi people -- a gift that Santa Claus could never hope to deliver on.

So, please Mr. Rumsfeld, there's no need to be humble about all the great things you have and will continue to accomplish.

All of America looks forward to your helping George W. bring the great boon of universal freedom to other troubled places in the world: Iran, Lebanon, Syria, and soon North Korea!

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