In a wide ranging discussion with Paul M. Sark on Thursday night in Brooklyn, New York, Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney talked of their affection for each other, for the president whom they serve, their personal highs and lows, and the nicknames bestowed upon them by a grateful commander-in-chief.
Sark, who is running for president of the Union Street Block Association in Brooklyn, NY, admitted he was surprised to find both Mr. Cheney and Mr. Rumsfeld in his local hangout, McCann's Lounge on Thursday night. "Dick was here last week, and so it didn't surprise me to see him," Sark said, "but having them both stop by -- that was pretty unusual and pretty great."
"What was really surprising, I guess," Sark went on, using the third-person form even though this is his blog and he is writing this, "was to find out that after a few rounds they're both a just a couple of regular guys. I mean you see them on the TV and it's like they're from Mount Olympus or something. But they're not gods, they're just a couple of hardworking guys. It's just that their work is bringing universal freedom to all the people of the world."
Dick Cheney was particularly forthcoming about his feelings before, during and after his accidental shooting of 78-year-old Harry Whittington in a hunting accident in February, 2006 on a South Texas ranch. According to Sark, Cheney said: "I, whose career has been spent dealing death to others, abstractly but for sound political and economic reasons, was suddenly confronted with the possibility that I may have dealt death concretely to Harry Whittington. It shook me. And I told the American people that, and they, the big-hearted American people took me to their great American breast and forgave me. And I'll never forget that.'"
Rumsfeld, reflective, then offered a story of his own. "My first failure, from which I learned a great lesson, was back in 1963 when I was a rookie Republican congressman from Illinois. Kennedy was trying to get Paul Nitze confirmed for the Secretary of the Navy job. Now Nitze was a first-strike war hawk, the complete cold warrior, student of James Forrestal and the politics of fear, but, heh, heh, I found out that Nitze had given a speech at National Council of Churches conference where some pinko appeasers spoke in favor of disarmament. Well, I raked Nitze over the coals for that one, totally slandered him, and nearly, and that's where I failed -- nearly blocked his confirmation."
"That must have been tough," Cheney commiserated. Then he smiled. "But you learned that lesson we all had to learn: you can't be too reactionary, you can't be too hard, you can't be too right. Never apologize, never forgive. Think 9/11."
He stood and raising his glass, proposed the following toast: "Gentlemen, I give you the never-ending, budget-busting, babealicious Global War on Terror!"
Later in the evening, according to Sark, the topic turned to George W.'s fondness for giving nicknames to his co-workers. "I don't know how he came up with Turd Blossom" for Rove," Cheney said, chuckling, "but you've got to admit, it's apt."
"I like ours," Rumsfeld said with a smile. "He's got a real knack for nicknaming."
Sark then asked the obvious question: "Did George W. give you nicknames?"
Rumsfeld smirked with obvious affection for his president. "The Ubangi Brothers," Rumsfeld said, then after a beat, added: "I'm Slappy."
"And I'm Stinky," said Cheney. He pounded the bar with his fist, bounced up and down on his bar stool, and laughed uproariously. Rumsfeld/Slappy guffawed along with Cheney/Stinky for a good five minutes. Then wiping the tears of hilarity from his eyes, Cheney, bought a round for the whole bar.
"Yes, America," Sark said, summarizing his big night with Slappy and Stinky, "they're just a couple of regular guys fighting for you and me and tax cuts and universal freedom!"
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