Here's the second installment of the notes I kept about my day last Saturday. If you read these notes and the first installment below, you'll see that me & George W. undoubtedly had very similar Saturdays last weekend -- once again proving that we lead very similar lives!
SATURDAY, MAY, 19, 2006
Self/Wife meet sister-in-law for lunch at Bennigan's: Watch big screen TV over bar. Wait for service. Wait some more. Grow impatient. Wonder aloud if anyone assigned to table.
Fire alarm goes off. Manager shouts that it's "just a test." Waitress arrives, apologizes for alarm, drops of menus, leaves. Alarm not stopping. Remember George W.'s steadfast courage in face of terrorists and killers. Relax. Read menu.
Decide on burger. Always decide on burger. Am decided on burgers as most American of meals, and so decide on burger. Check watch: 5 minutes now of alarm.
Ginger, liberal sister-in-law, sticks fingers in ears, wants to leave.
ME (forcefully): "We're committed. We're not going to cut and run."
GINGER (petulantly): "We're not in Iraq, for cripes sake. We haven't ordered. Let's go."
Waitress appears, explains mall engineer going to basement to fix malfunction. Ginger mollified. Waitress takes order.
Another five minutes -- alarm still blasting.
GINGER (complaining): "It's like they're torturing us. Pretty soon they'll put the black bags over our heads and attach the electrodes!"
ME (presidentially): "Only those who are known terrorists and their affiliates need fear."
GINGER: "Oh, and I suppose I'm an affiliate? Jesus, let's get out of here!"
WIFE: "Let's go Paul. It's driving me crazy, too."
ME (defiant): "I'm staying. They're trying to shake our resolve. Well I say, bring it on!"
Wife and Ginger stand. Waitress brings free Cokes, says alarm will be off in minutes. Ginger and wife unsure what to do.
ME, (logically): "This is why liberals are weak and impotent. They can't decide. Then if they ever do decide, they're can't stick to their decisions."
GINGER (screeching like liberal woman): "All right, Mr. Decider. You've decided to stay. Now I'm deciding to leave."
Ginger informs waitress she's leaving, cancels order, retreats from Bennigan's. Minutes later, wife does same, complaining of headache from alarm.
Waitress comes with burger. I eat and finish quickly. Sign credit card reciept with victory flourish.
ME TO WAITRESS: "Mission Accomplished!"
So FYI: The alarm was still blasting as I exited Bennigan's. I walked out into the mall with head high and proud, with the epic serenity of a person who never goes back on the tough choices he's had to make.
Stay tuned for the third istallment of "A Day in the Life of Me & George W.!
Technorati Tags: Iraq , Bush, Cut and Run, Freedom
4 comments:
as one of many sisters-in-law of Paul M. Sark I must tell you faithful readers that this is a true story. Paul withstood the tortuous assault, stood firm, was resolute and did not cut and run.
And, in retrospect, it appears The Decider chose the correct path. Why give in, even if the ear is damaged?
You went to Bennigan's and didn't invite me? Don't you understand that I need to be notified of these excursions? I need to follow along. I need to be part of the crowd. Now I don't know who I am anymore. I am disappearing. Don't you like me? I can do better. I'll say whatever you want me to say. I thought you were my friend. I thought you were my friend. I thought...I thought you were my friend.
I'm glad you decideded to stay at an American restaurant like Bennigan's.
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