The Many Excellent Wars of Me & George W.

"Paul M. Sark, it must be exciting to wake up every day and find out how similar your previous day was to George W's. I'm a little jealous."

So says Beth, a regular reader of this blog who posted the above comment a few days ago.

My first reaction on reading Beth's comment was that she was asking me to reflect on the similarities between my life and that of George W. Bush's. This would be like asking the pot to reflect on its blackness, or the six of one to reflect on the half dozen of the other -- the kind of passive navel gazing liberals like to engage in. As men of action, me & George W. sneer with contempt at this decadent liberal tendency.

But when I read Beth's post over again just now, I saw that what Beth is asking me is whether I'm excited to wake up every day and find out how similar Me and George W.'s lives are. That's a question I'm happy to answer.

The simple answer is Yes.

Since me and George W. believe in simple answers I should leave it at that. But at the same time me and George W. also believe that the American people got to understand why we're excited to wake up every morning.

First, there's the War in Iraq and the plan for victory there. Then there's the War on Mexican Immigrants and our plan for victory there, too. And let's not forget that all options are on the table for the upcoming War on Iran which is sure to be very exciting for Americans who, like me & George W., believe freedom is job number one here in the U S of A!

Then there's the War on Taxes, which me & George W. find particularly exciting and which we continue to win. The War on the Death Tax is an especial favorite of both of ours because dead people are still better at spending and investing their money than the government is.

The War on Secular Humanists has been going well for a long time now, and so has the War on Left Wing Professors. Just ask Bill Bennett. It's all he talks about and he's right to keep that laser-like focus on these atheistic Marxists. He's going to win those two wars just like he won the War on Drugs for George W.'s father!

We're winning the War on Liberal Judges, and the War on Left Wing Celebrities. We're winning the War on Same Sex Marriages and the War on Liberals Who Don't Want English To Be America's Language. I mean really, come on, what other language would Americans speak? French? That's what the liberals want, of course, just like they wanted the metric system back in the 70s, along with thermostats set at 68 degrees and government issue cardigan sweaters!

All of those wars are exciting enough of course. But also exciting is the War on Evolution, the War on Abortion, and the War on Credit Card Bankruptcy, the War on Stem Cell Research, and the War on Tree Huggers and Global Warming Crazies.

There's a couple of wars that have not gone so well, I admit, like the War on Social Security the War on Killing the Brain Dead and the War on Katrina. But me & George W. are committed to winning these wars, eventually we will prevail there, too.

And of course, we're winning the biggest one of all, the War on Terror. We're all sleeping a lot sounder now because of how well that war is going!

So, all in all, yes, Beth, it's exciting to wake up every day and see how all the wars are going. People might be jealous of our exciting lives, but they don't have to be.

All they have to do is wake up on the right side of the bed, if you know what I mean, and all their jealousy will evaporate like some bad liberal dream.

Thanks for your question, Beth, and may God and George W. grant us victory in the many crucial wars we are waging for the American people!


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