Sark Hires Intellitrends 20/20 to Assess 2008 Presidential Bid

Paul M. Sark has hired global business consulting firm, Intellitrends 20/20, to assess a possible bid for the Presidency in 2008. The firm, co-founded by Paul M. Sark and Kip Westlake last week, has already begun conducting research into the Sark "brand."

"I think they're a terrific company," Mr. Sark said. "They are so outside-of-the-box, they're scary. And let's face it," he added, "in today's post-9/7 election environment, getting out of the box is what we are all striving for."

"The Sark brand has tremendous upside," said Kip Westlake, Director of Global Branding and co-founder of Intellitrends 20/20. "Once we do a brand refresh and expunge all similarities between Paul & George W. Bush, that chair in that oval-shaped office in Washington, D.C. will be Sark's for the sitting. If he wants it, that is."

Asked if he wanted that chair in the oval-shaped office, Mr. Sark replied, "We'll let the research make that determination. But rest assured, whatever the research says, I'm still going to make up my mind in such a way that everyone will be satisfied."

Intellitrends 20/20 is a privately-held company with enormous human and material assets and is registered in the Cayman Islands under another name that might be familiar to fans of the Star Wars saga.

Bush Nostalgic for "Stay the Course" -- And So Am I!

I don't know about you, but Me & George W. are nostalgic for the good old days when we were completely psyched about the whole "stay the course" thing in Iraq.

I mean it's really disappointing that the Iraqi people stopped cooperating on the stay the course plan. I suppose they're doing the best they can. What with all the terrorists always pushing them off course, you can understand how it's hard to stay on the course.

It's funny but I was thinking about this the other day when I was riding on the subway and I missed my stop. See, I was reading the new book by Bill O'Reilly, that great culture warrior. In fact the book is called "Culture Warrior." Anyway, I wound up at the Parkside station -- two stops past mine! I got out, walked over the overpass and waited for a Q train going back.

It was while I was waiting that I thought, "It's just like those Iraqis in a way. They stayed the course too long and weren't reacting to the situation on the ground and now they can't stay the course because they waited too long to react. And now it's hard to react because everything is falling apart."

Then I thought of how disappointed George W. probably is in the Iraqi people. I mean I assume that he thinks, like I think, because we're so similar Me & George W. are, that the Iraqi people really squandered the golden opportunity of freedom that America bestowed upon them.

I thought: "It's a shame that Iraqi renewal is going to take a lot longer than we had planned."

Then the Q train showed up and I went home, making sure to watch the stations carefully so I wouldn't miss my stop again!

Gallic Gall: Jean-Paul Sark Comes Back for More!

I have received another insulting email from that faux philosopher, Jean-Paul Sark.

If you read his latest email below, you'll see that Mr. Jean-Paul Sark now has the gall to suggest I slandered him in my response to his first email (see post below). This is ridiculous, of course. I mean how can you slander a Frenchman when these cheese-eating surrender monkeys do such a good job of dishonoring themselves all by themselves?

Then, a little further on Mr. Jean-Paul Sark in his convoluted existentialist manner, goes on to say that Me & George W. are "non-beings" -- whatever that means.

Anyway, read Jean-Paul Sark's second email and you'll see why everyone, but especially Me & George W., have been bored with the French ever since Ol' Napoleon croaked on St. Helena way back in 1821!

From: Jean-Paul Sark
Date: Nov 18, 2006 3:09 PM
Subject: Mr. Sark -- Are You Suffering from Nausea?
To: paulmsark@gmail.com

Dear Mr. Sark,

Thank you for slandering me. I believe this a requirement of you so-called American "Republicans" -- to slander anyone who might make you question your existence, no? Thank you for not disappointing my expectations.

But I write to you today really to ask if you have ever contemplated the origin of negation? I ask because I would venture to say that you have been thinking deeply and continuously about negation since the "thumping" your Republican party took at the hands of the Democrats in the mid-term election.

Do you find that when you go about the world now your expectations are not fulfilled? For instance, now that Mark Foley can no longer drive to the Congressional pages' dormitory, there is a negation, a void, a nothingness, where there once a BMW convertible and a pervert. From this example, it is evident that non-being always appears within the limits of a human expectation.

This, I am sure, comes as a great shock to you and your Republican friends. You who gaseously prided yourselves on your existence, who crowed that the United States is the "Indispensable Nation." Whose President once claimed he was "The Decider." Ha! He is all negation now. A non-being. The Non-Decider!

You, whose life is so amazingly similar to George W. Bush's, are now a non-being, too. This must be exquisitely painful. Or perhaps not. It is hard to fathom you American idealists and your perfervid desire to plant your etiolated American "Liberty Tree" everywhere under the sun.


Sincerely,
Jean-Paul Sark

Le Havre, France

My response is simply this, Mr. Jean-Paul Sark. Or should I call you the Marquis De Sark?

I mean how can you call me a pervert? You French invented perversion! You and your French kissing!

You can take your "negation," fry it up in butter and garlic, mix in some snails and shove the whole mess up your orifice du rectum!

But then again, you'd probably like it -- so maybe you should just cook up some nice French crow and eat that instead!

Give up yet? Any time you're ready. As for terms, I'm offering unconditional surrender, the most humiliating of all terms. You, being without honor -- or should I say you, being a negation of honor -- should find unconditional surrender the best of all possible negations.

Au revoir, Frenchy!

Jean-Paul Sark Interrogates Paul M. Sark

Imagine how angry I was when I received an insulting email from a Frenchman. A Frenchman!

Mr. Jean-Paul Sark, as you'll see, has the audacity to suggest the "stamp of my existence" has disappeared because the Democrats took over the Congress! I ask you: who but a Frenchman could write such confused quasi-philosophic drivel?

Read Jean-Paul Sark's email and you'll see why nearly everyone, but especially Me & George W., hate the French!

From: Jean-Paul Sark
Date: Nov 18, 2006 3:09 PM
Subject: Mr. Sark -- Are You Suffering from Nausea?
To: paulmsark@gmail.com

Dear Mr. Sark,

Just today, I came across your blog, Me & George W., which has made me nauseous in the extreme. Allow me to explain.

You see, my name is Jean-Paul Sark. I am a dejected researcher in Le Havre, France. I have become starkly conscious of the fact that inanimate objects and situations remain absolutely indifferent to my existence. They show themselves to be resistant to whatever significance human consciousness might perceive in them.

This indifference of "things in themselves" has the effect of highlighting the freedom I have to perceive and act in the world; everywhere I look I find situations imbued with meanings which bear the stamp of my existence. Everything I encounter in my everyday life is suffused with a pervasive, even horrible, taste -- specifically, my freedom.

I write to you today wondering if you, with your remarkable similarity to George W. Bush, see everywhere you look situations without meaning, situations which do not bear the stamp of your existence. I wonder this because in the wake of the mid-term election it seems George W. Bush's version of reality has been rejected by the American electorate. Thus, nothing bears the stamp of his existence any longer. In turn, nothing bears the stamp of your existence anymore either.

Do you have a horrible taste in your mouth, i.e., the taste of freedom? Are you feeling "Being or Nothingness?" Or both?

By the way, I should probably mention that we have similar last names. But that is so obvious as to be puerile. But since you specialize in the puerile, perhaps you will find it amusing. That is entirely your responsibility.

Sincerely,
Jean-Paul Sark

Le Havre, France

Me & George W. are not real big fans of the French. As you recall, the French ambassador said some really stupid things about not invading Iraq before we Americans did our duty to mankind and invaded that country and captured the tyrant, Saddam Hussein.

So, my answer is a definite, American "No" to you Mr. Jean-Paul Sark. My mouth tastes fine. Because the freedom I taste is American freedom. It's a sweet and satisfying taste. The complete opposite of the the cheese-eating taste in your surrender monkey mouth, you cheese-eating surrender monkey!

Au revoir!

RNC & NY Times Agree: Dems Have No Iraq Policy

The Republican National Committee asserts, correctly, that the Democrats Still Have No Plan for Iraq. And amazingly, the source the RNC quotes on the matter is the ultra-liberal New York Times.

Here's the story hot off the RNC website:

In Case You Missed It: Democrats Still Have No Plan For Iraq

From The New York Times
November 12, 2006

Democrats Have No Real Iraq Policy:

The New York Times: "The Democrats will not be able to savor their victory for long... The Democrats will also need to look forward - and quickly. So far they have shared slogans, but no real policy. During the campaign, their most common call was for a "phased redeployment" - a euphemism for withdrawal - of American troops starting before the end of this year." (Editorial, "Democrats And Iraq," The New York Times, 11/12/06)

I don't know about you, but it looks to me look the RNC has their mojo back!

I mean, using the very mouthpiece of the liberals -- The New York Times -- against the liberals! Just like jujitsu -- another brilliant Rovian/Mehlmanesque manuever!

I don't know about you, but seeing this on the RNC website makes me confident of a Republican takeover in 2008!

Me & George W., of course, know that this liberal attack on liberals is so typical of liberals. We know that not only do liberals have no plans, ever their own mouthpiece knows they have no plans! And their mouthpiece doesn't have any plans either, except to attack liberals!

How stupid can you be? FOX News would never do that, and that's why the GOP will win in 2008!

People like Me & George W., however, have plans and are not afraid to use them. And if I run in 2008, I will have plans, and will not be afraid to use them either!

Bush Talks with PM Olmert of Israel -- Sark Talks with B&H Manager

Today Presdident Bush met with Prime Minister Olmert of Israel to discuss bringing peace to the Middle East. In a remarkable similarity, I, Paul M. Sark, met with the manager of B&H Photo to discuss my unhappiness with a USB cord that I purchased at B&H.

For those of you outside of New York City who don't see how these two things are similar, B&H Photo is owned and operated by Jews. I'm not sure if they are Hasidic or Lubavitchers or some other denomination, but they all look like the guy in the photo. This particular guy happened to be the sales guy I was arguing with.

Read what George W. Bush said to Prime Minister Olmert, then read what I said to the B&H sales guy after his manager and I had a few strategic words with each other. See if you don't agree me and George W. lead uncannily similar lives!

PRESIDENT BUSH TO PRIME MINISTER OLMERT: "I appreciate the Prime Minister's strategic thoughts. He cares deeply about his country, and he cares deeply about securing the peace. ... But the whole central thrust of our discussions was based upon our understanding that we're involved in an ideological struggle between extremists and radicals versus people who just simply want to live in peace, and that as democracies we have an obligation, obviously, to listen to the will of our people, but at the same time, work together to help those who want to live in a peaceful society achieve their ambitions."

PAUL M. SARK TO JEWISH SALES GUY AT B&H PHOTO: "I appreciate your manager's strategic thoughts. He cares deeply about his store, and he cares deeply about securing the peace in the store. ... But the whole central thrust of our discussion was based upon our understanding that we're involved in an ideological struggle between Apple fanatics and Microsoft nerds versus people who just simply want to live in peace with universal USB cables, and that you have an obligation, obviously, to listen to the will of the people -- which in this case is me -- but at the same time, work together to help me get a new power cord, and achieve my ambition to get a universal replacement -- because there is no difference when it comes to USB cables! So you can just call down to the basement now and tell me you're sorry or I'll I jump over that counter and go down there myself!"

How's that for Me & George W. leading similar lives? It still amazes even me. Even after all this time! Even after the election. Which I have to agree with George W. was a "thumping."

I can feel myself, like George W., moving toward the center these days. But not when it comes to radicals of whatever stripe!

Feith Praises Rumsfeld -- Sark Praises Feith

Douglas Feith wrote a short piece in the Washington Post about my good friend Donald Rumsfeld which got me so pyched that I sent him a fan email (reproduced below).

As Doug says, Don is a complex man who complexly deals with complexity. It's too bad the American people don't appreciate what Don and Doug have done for them!




From: Paul M. Sark <paulmsark@gmail.com>
Date: Nov 11, 2006 5:38 PM
Subject: Donald Rumsfeld Piece in Washington Post -- Kudos!
To: djf35@georgetown.edu

Dear Mr. Feith,

Bravo for defending Donald Rumsfeld in the Washington Post. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/10/AR2006111001388.html

There's a lot of people kicking him now that he's down; I'm glad you're not one of them!

By the way, I am a great friend both of both Don and Dick Cheney.

http://meandgeorgew.blogspot.com/2006/08/rumsfeld-cheney-talk-of-triumphs.html


Also, I am considering you as my running mate in 2008. I was considering you before you stuck up for Donald.

Here's proof:

http://meandgeorgew.blogspot.com/2006/11/sark-considers-feith-for-vp-in-2008.html

As you can see I am also considering John Bolton, Daniel Perle and J. Paul Bremer. I hope you will not be offended. You are really now at the top of my list because of your article in the Washington Post.

Anyway, you keep sticking up for Don! Because it only makes you look like a true friend, and that's great.

Best regards,
Paul

Paul M. Sark

Bush on Rove: Did Not Work Hard on Campaign?

President George W. Bush in his press conference yesterday said that while he was working hard during the campaign, Karl Rove was not.

We all know how much George W. Bush values hard work. So when I heard that, I thought "if he's saying that Karl Rove didn't work hard, then maybe I'll have to reconsider using Mr. Rove as my campaign manager in 2008. "

But then I realized Mr. Rove's "not working hard" was part of Mr. Rove's master plan in which he let the Democrats win now so that in two years the fickle American people will be clamoring for a return to the super successful policies of World Bushification.

I must admit I was a little confused at first -- was Karl "not working hard" a joke or not? -- just like a number of conservatives are confused after this election. But then after a couple of seconds, I've figured it out. Before I explain, here's the quote about Rove from the transcript of George W.'s press conference yesterday.

Q: "...Mr. President, may I ask you if you have any metrics you'd be willing to share about your reading contest with Mr. Rove."

THE PRESIDENT: "I'm losing. I obviously was working harder in the campaign than he was." (Laughter.)

AUDIENCE: Oooooh!

When I saw this on TV I at first thought was it was just a joke. And as a man whose life is remarkably similar to George W.'s life, I'm usually right about things like this from the get-go. But then, I saw it was much deeper than a mere joke. Much deeper. It was a red herring designed to throw the liberal media off the scent for what's being planned in 2008!

Here's what I mean. As the transcript says, first there was Laughter, so the liberal media thought it was a joke at first, too. Then the liberal media went "Oooooh!" which suggests that they thought it was a joke with a serious point and the serious point was that George W. was not happy with the way Karl Rove handled the election. And that Karl was in bad odor with the president.

But I, having given two more seconds of thought to the comment than the liberal media did, I saw the real truth about the "joke."

In his usual brilliant sleight-of-hand style George Bush was able throw the liberal media off the scent of what's really going on: setting the stage for winning back the permanent Republican majority in 2008 according Rove's master plan. George W. was just pretending to be mad at Karl in that joking way he has. And of course the liberal media bought it!

Once I figured out what the "joke" was really all about, I laughed the laugh of the political insider. I thought: "George W. plays that liberal media like a riverboat gambler plays a greenhorn sucker! The reporters walked out of the press conference thinking they had a story, only to find out their pants were missing!"

George W. is the one who wears the pants in this house. Not only in the White House, but all over the American house, too! And when I run, if I do run, I'll be wearing those same riverboat gambler's pants, too!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Mid-term election, Rove, Master Plan

Rove: Mid-Term Losses All Part of Master Plan for 2008

"It's all going according to the master plan," Karl Rove said last night as he watched the election returns come in with George W. Bush. "This is going to set us up perfectly for 2008."

"You've done a masterful job yet again, Karl," George W. Bush responded happily. "You're the architect of architects."

"In two years, the people of America are going to be clamoring for a change," Mr. Rove predicted. "And if we can get Sark to run -- a big if -- we'll revive World Bush-i-ficiation and shove it down the throats of our enemies the world over."

"I sure hope he'll resurrect Rummy," Mr. Bush said, leaning back in his chair. "Rummy's old, but he's still got a lot of fight in him."

"This Democrat 'victory' is just what the doctor ordered," Karl Rove said, rubbing his hands together.

"You mean just what the architect designed," George Bush corrected. "You're the architect, Karl, not the doctor. Condi's the doctor."

"I thought Cheney was the doctor," Rove said. "I thought Condi was the dentist."

"Maybe she is the dentist," Mr. Bush said. "My back molar don't feel right. Maybe I should call her. Are you sure she's the dentist?"

"I'm pretty sure Cheney is the doctor and Condi is the dentist."

"Whoever it is, call 'em. And pass that bottle of bourbon over here. I need my tooth medication bad."

So how was I, Paul M. Sark privy to this conversation? Simple. My life and the life of George W. Bush are remarkably similar. It was in my dream last night I witnessed this scene. And since my life and George W.'s life are remarkably similar I must assume he witnessed this scene, too, though, I assume as an actual president and not as a dream president.

So all in all the mid-term elections have put us Republicans just where we want to be: set to take over in 2008 and institute the permanent Republican majority yet again!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Mid-term election, Rove, Sark

Sark Endorses War, Bush, for Mid-Term Elections

A lot of folks have been wondering who I, Paul M. Sark (a man whose life is amazingly similar to George W. Bush's) am endorsing in the mid-term election.

The answer is simple: everyone who supports freedom in Iraq, and everyone who agrees that we're going to wind up fighting them here if we don't fight them over there.

My liberal sister-in-law, Ginger, isn't one of these people. But then as a liberal, she is willing to side with terrorists against the American people. And that's exactly what I told her last night:

Paul Sark: "All you liberals who don't support our president in time of war are giving aid and comfort to our enemies."

Ginger: "Who among the Iraqis is our enemy exactly, Paul? The Shias? The Sunnis? The death squads on both sides? Are they all our enemies?"

Paul Sark: "You know who, Ginger. Anyone who would stand in the way of freedom, that's who."

Ginger: "So what -- you go up to people in the street in Baghdad and ask them if they are standing in the way of freedom? Is that how you're going to decide?"

Paul Sark: "That's one way."

Ginger: "And the other way is waterboarding? Jeez, Paul, can't you see how inflammatory all of this Bush/Rove rhetoric is? It's just this big cloud of hate and fear that bears no relation to what's actually happening there."

Paul Sark: "Rhetoric? You accuse me and George W. of spouting rhetoric? You liberals are all Bush haters. You're blinded by your hate. You can't see the good things that are coming out of the War on Terror. All the progress."

Ginger: "Like what?"

Paul Sark: "Well if you're going to be snotty about it, I don't think I'm going to answer you."

Ginger: "Gee, Paul, I'm sorry you don't like the way I asked. Maybe you can find it in your capacious compassionate conservative heart to overlook my utter contempt for you and George W. and answer the question anyway."

Paul Sark: "You're a Bush hater. I can't talk to you. I can't talk to any liberals because their hatred makes them impossible to talk to."

With that argument-winning flourish, I stepped outside to check my handheld for any updates from the Drudge Report on what's sure to be a Republican landslide in the mid-terms. I left Ginger fuming, as usual. She's content to fume, just like all liberals who are all talk and no action.

What liberals like Ginger don't understand is that their hate makes them into hateful people. We conservatives don't play the hate game or the blame game -- we're far too politically advanced for that. And if we do hate people, we hate them with pity for their misguided beliefs.

It's all about the moral high ground, Ginger. I'm standing on it. And you and your liberal friends aren't!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Mid-term election, Iraq, Bush haters

Saddam Hussein to Be Hung, Not Burnt

Shown here is some of the good old-fashioned fun had last night at Bohemian Grove. Activities included a weenie roast and a mock human sacrifice to the Owl of Minerva.

I would have preferred to attend in person, but it was simply not possible. I mean there's nothing quite like the back-slapping camaraderie of powerful men in the woods. But I was unable to attend because I am focusing my energies on deciding whom my running mate for the 2008 presidential election will be. (So far, I have been considering John Bolton, Douglas Feith, Richard Perle and L. Paul Bremer.)

I was, however, through the miracle of cyberspace, able to "attend" last night's opening ceremony via a web simulcast. The simulcast of the Cremation of Care ceremony is a new feature of the Bohemian Club's membership drive this year. Jimmy Buffet, who heads up the Membership Committee, told me that it would be the next best thing to being there and hoped it would help "close the deal" on my joining.

At the climactic moment in the Cremation of Care ceremony in the wee hours of the morning -- just as the torch was put to the mock human sacrifice -- Don Rumsfeld announced that Saddam Hussein had at that very moment received the death sentence in Baghdad.

"Burn him! Burn the bastard!" shouted the club members as the white shroud caught fire. I got so excited that I jumped to my feet, and shouted along, too. What timing, I thought. Just like when the Iranian hostages were released at the very same moment when Ronald Reagan put his hand on the Bible and took the presidential oath of office!

I guess I got a little too excited because I woke up my wife. She appeared in the doorway of my study and asked me what was going on. "And what's with red bathrobe," she asked, scowling. "When did you buy that?"

Rather than explain that it was a loaner, a part of the outreach effort of the membership drive, I told her I bought it at Target because my old one was getting ratty.

"Well, that one looks a little ratty, too," she said. "It's got a stain on it -- you should take it back."

"It does?" I said, feigning surprise. I'd actually seen the stain earlier when I was admiring myself in the mirror -- some dark waxy stuff on the shoulder.

"What are you doing up so late? Why are you on the computer?" my wife asked, craning her neck to see what was on the screen. I suspect she thought I was surfing for porn.

"Saddam Hussein has just been sentenced to death," I told her proudly. "And I'm celebrating."

She stepped closer and squinted at the screen. "What are they doing?" she asked, recoiling a little. "My God, they're not burning him are they?"

"No, no, honey," I explained quickly. "They're going to hang him. This is just a celebration I'm watching about how they're going to hang him."

She wrinkled her nose. "That bathrobe smells like woodsmoke," she said, bending forward and sniffing again. "Where did you get that again? Target? That's not like them to sell something like that."

"I bought it at Target online."

"Send it back, Paul," she instructed me, shaking her head to clear her nose. "Send it back in the morning. Otherwise it will stink up the closet and ruin all our clothes."

I didn't say anything. I actually liked the smell of woodsmoke on it. It made me feel closer to my brethren in Bohemian Grove. It was a great recruiting idea if you ask me. I mean you can smell how great it would be to join the Bohemian Club!

It has such an impressive membership, too, including some of the men whom I'm considering for my running mate. Not only that, it has some real bohemians in the club, men of high artistry such as Jimmy Buffett, Mickey Hart, Bob Weir and Jerry Bruckheimer.

Here's a list of just some of the membership:

* George H.W. Bush, Former President
* Dick Cheney Current Vice-President
* Gerald Ford, Former President
* Ronald Reagan, Former President
* Donald Rumsfeld, Current Secretary of Defense
* Henry Kissinger, Former Secretary of State
* Stephen Bechtel Former CEO of Bechtel Corp.
* George Shultz, Former Secretary of State, current Chairman of Betchel Corp.
* Caspar Weinberger Former Defense Secretary
* James Baker Former Secretary of State
* Jerry Bruckheimer, Producer
* Newt Gingrich House Speaker
* S. I. Hayakawa, Senator
* Mickey Hart, Musician, Grateful Dead drummer
* Steve Miller, Musician
* Bob Weir, Musician
* Herman Wouk, Writer
* Jimmy Buffett, Musician
* John Bolton, Master Strategist
* Richard Perle, Master Strategist
* Douglas Feith, Master Strategist

Impressive list, don't you think? But it's pretty expensive to join -- my wife would definitely see a big hole in the ol' bank account.

But wait a minute! If I run for president in 2008 and win, the Bohemian Club will have to make me an honorary member! And that would certainly save on dues!

So maybe my wife is right in a way. I'll send the loaner robe back and tell Jimmy that I can't commit right now, but probably will join in the next couple of years.

What do you think, friends? Should I join now and pay? Or wait until they give me a free membership?


Technorati Tags: Bohemian Grove, Sark, Rumsfeld, Saddam Hussein

John Bolton For VP in 2008?

I have been considering vice presidential running mates for my as yet unannounced run for the presidency in 2008.

In this post I share with you my thoughts on John Bolton. (In my posts below I consider Douglas Feith, Richard Perle and L. Paul Bremer.)

Here's just a few of the many reasons why I'm considering John:

1) John Bolton was one of the lawyers for the Republican presidential ticket who repeatedly sought to shut down recounts of the ballots in Florida during the disputed 2000 election between George W. Bush and Al Gore.

2) Bolton led the Bush administration's opposition to the International Criminal Court, placing heavy pressure on many countries to sign agreements with the U.S. to exempt Americans from any possible prosecution by the Court.

3) Bolton was instrumental in derailing a 2001 bio-weapons conference in Geneva convened to endorse a UN proposal to enforce the 1972 Biological Weapons Convention.

4) Bolton in 2002 flew to Europe and orchestrated the removal of Jose Bustani, head of the Organization for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons (OPCW) at a special session of the organization. The United Nations' highest administrative tribunal later condemned the action as an "unacceptable violation" of principles protecting international civil servants.

I must say that of the men I've considered so far for vice president, John Bolton's resume is perhaps the strongest yet!

I mean, just think of it -- if he hadn't stopped the recount in Florida, that eco-ninnie Gore would have stolen the presidency. Where would we be now if John hadn't drowned that baby in the bathtub?!

Not only would it have stopped the continued implementation of World Bushification during George W.'s administration, my new program (that I will announce in 2008, and which I'm tentatively calling "New World Bushification") would be stillborn.

So thanks, John, for fighting for and for continuing to fight for American freedom, both in America and around the world. And especially for fighting with those irresponsible international civil servants who would try to take our freedom away!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, John Bolton, Freedom

George W. & the Fall of the Roman Empire

While on retreat at Camp Paul Sark, I have been reading Gibbon's History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire.

Here's a passage that I find particularly striking, as it seems so up-to-date:

A cool head, an unfeeling heart, and a cowardly disposition, prompted Augustus at the age of fifty-four to assume the mask of hypocrisy, which he never afterwards laid aside... When he and Dick Cheney framed the artful system of the Imperial authority, his immoderation was inspired by his fears and his drinking. He and Cheney wished to deceive the people by an image of civil liberty, and the armies by an image of civil government.

This is, of course, as much as a lie now as it was then!

Just shows you how the Bush-haters have been rewriting history ever since history writing began!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Augustus, Iraq

Sark Considers Feith for VP in 2008

I have been considering vice presidential running mates for my possible run for the presidency in 2008. In this post I share with you my thoughts about Douglas Feith. (In my posts below I consider Richard Perle and L. Paul Bremer.)

Here's just a few of the many reasons why I'm considering Doug:

1) Feith led the Office of Special Plans at the Pentagon from September 2002 to June of 2003. This now defunct intelligence gathering unit has been accused of manipulating intelligence to bolster support for the 2003 US invasion of Iraq. According to the British newspaper, The Guardian, "This rightwing intelligence network [was] set up in Washington to second-guess the CIA and deliver a justification for toppling Saddam Hussein by force."

2) Also while leading the Office of Special Plans during this period, Feith authorized "back-channel" meetings that dealt not only with Iraq, but also with Iran. A senior Administration official said the US Government had learned about the unauthorised talks "accidentally," and that it was unsettling "the government hadn't learnt the lessons of last time around," referring to the secret contacts and rogue operations that led to Iran-Contra.

3) Feith is currently under investigation by the Pentagon's Inspector General and the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence (SSCI). Republican Intelligence Committee Chairman Pat Roberts began the investigation when he wrote to the Pentagon Inspector General asking him to start the review:

“The Committee is concerned about persistent and, to date, unsubstantiated allegations that there was something unlawful or improper about the activities of the Office of Special Plans within the office of the Under Secretary of Defense for Policy.

Like Richard Perle and Jerry Bremer, Doug Feith is obviously a master military and political strategist. America could rest easy with him in the VPs' office!

Next on my list for consideration: John Bolton

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Feith, Iraq

Sark Considers Perle For 2008 Running Mate

While on retreat this week I have been considering running mates for my possible run for the presidency in 2008. In this post I share with you my thoughts about Richard Perle. (In my post below I consider L. Paul Bremer.)

Here's the top three reasons I'm considering Mr. Perle:

1. Richard Perle advocated regime change in Iraq ever since the First Gulf War. He called for the overthrow in the famous January 26, 1998 PNAC Letter sent to US President Bill Clinton. He believed that Saddam Hussein's control of the government was fragile, and that an invasion of Iraq would remove Saddam from power within weeks.

2. Perle advocated invading Iraq with only 40,000 troops, and complained about the calls by then Gen. Eric Shinseki to use 250,000 troops.

3. Perle is a frequent critic of the U.N., stating that it is an embodiment of; "...the liberal conceit of safety through international law administered by international institutions...". Furthermore, shortly after the 2003 invasion of Iraq Perle stated that; "in this case international law stood in the way of doing the right thing."

So there you have it. Not only is Richard Perle a man with strong convictions, he's also a master military and political strategist! I think I'd let probably him run the whole foreign policy apparatus!

Next on my list for consideration: Douglas Feith.

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Perle, Iraq

Sark Considers Bremer for VP in 2008

While on retreat at Camp Paul Sark this week, I, Paul M. Sark, have been considering running mates for my possible run for the presidency in 2008. At the top of my list is L. Paul Bremer, "Jerry" as his friends call him.

As Presidential Envoy to Iraq and Administrator of the Coalition Provisional Authority, "Jerry" Lewis Paul Bremer was the man who disbanded the Iraqi Army. Although liberal critics claimed this put hundreds of thousands of disgruntled soldiers, unpaid and armed, on the streets of Baghdad, and led to the beginning of the insurgency, Me & George W. know that this is just plain nonsense.

The same Liberal critics slammed his "de-Baathification" of the government, which involved firing of thousands of school teachers and removing Ba'ath party members from top government positions. These critics say this policy helped create and worsen an atmosphere of discontent and added fuel to the fire in the heady days of America's early victory in Iraq.

What these liberal critics forget is that George W. Bush awarded Jerry the Medal of Freedom in recognition of his service to the people of Iraq and the United States. He was also presented with the Department of Defense award for Distinguished Public Service and the Nixon Library honored him with the "Victory of Freedom Award" for "demonstrating leadership and working towards peace and freedom.

Freedom is the main reasons why I'm giving strong consideration to Jerry Bremer as my vice president. His management of the Coalition Provisional Authority in Iraq opened the floodgates of freedom in that once benighted country.

Me & George W. and Jerry are all about freedom. But then again, so is Richard Perle. He's also on my list of possible running mates. More on his qualifications soon!


Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Bremer, Iraq

Bush Sets Four-Letter Word Agenda

According to the LA Times, George W. Bush in a stump speech yesterday in Des Moines, Iowa, called Sen. Jeff Lamberti, "Dave" a couple of times during the speech.

As a man whose life is amazingly similar to George Bush's this does not come as a surprise to me. Me & George W. are focused on the big picture. Not like liberals who always have their minds in the gutter.

I mean, really, both "Dave" and "Jeff" have four letters, don't they?

Both Me & George W. know that the president's job is to set the agenda, and let the staff work on the details. In this case, he perfectly stated the four letter name agenda. Now his staff will follow through on the particulars.

End of story, liberal media! Got that? End of story!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Four Letter Words, Jeff, Dave

Bush: Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

Today, George W. Bush signed a bill to build a fence hundreds of miles long between Mexico and the United States. Meanwhile, Mexico, supported by 27 other nations, made a declaration slamming the U.S. plan.

Me & George W., who see eye to eye on just about everything, don't really know what the 28 nations are so upset about, although people in the 28 countries generally speak Spanish and are therefore generally more excitable than Americans.

The 27 nations that supported Mexico in Wednesday's declaration were Antigua, Argentina, Barbados, Belize, Bolivia, Brazil, Colombia, Costa Rica, Chile, Ecuador, El Salvador, Granada, Guatemala, Guyana, Haiti, Honduras, Jamaica, Nicaragua, Panama, Paraguay, Peru, San Kitts and Nevis, San Lucia, San Vicente, Suriname, Uruguay and Venezuela.

My wife and I honeymooned in Nevis. Of course, I'll never go there again, nor to any of the other traitor countries. Unless they're some really cheap flights. Or a tremendous package.

I would encourage you to avoid these ungrateful nations, too. After all we've done for them, after all the NAFTA jobs we gave them? They go and complain about a fence?

Hey, Mexico -- all we're trying to do is protect ourselves from you and your rotten ingrate friends!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Mexico Wall, Liberals

Bush Rethinking "Stay the Course" -- And So Am I !!

Like George W. Bush, I've been rethinking this whole Iraq thing. Which is why I haven't posted in quite a while.

I, like George W. Bush, did say quite a number of times over the past years that we must "stay the course in Iraq." And like George W. Bush, I'm still saying that we must stay the course. But what he and I are also saying is that we might make certain stops on the course.

They will be good stops. We will stop, for instance, at James Baker's place. And he will make stops in Saudi Arabia and maybe Syria, and Israel, and Egypt. This is so he can have a regional solution in place for after the mid-term elections. As you've probably heard, the regional solution has to remain secret for the next couple of weeks.

We Republicans are really good at coming up with secret plans for fixing stuff that are to be revealed after an important election. There was Nixon's Secret Plan for Ending the War in Vietnam. It was so secret that all he could tell the American people prior to the election was that the plan was secret. And that he couldn't share it.

That was good enough for the American people: Nixon got elected. The secret plan took another 5 years to execute, but eventually, Gerald Ford got it to work.

So -- our takeaway on secret plans? Secret plans work!

I'm continuing to work on my secret plan just like James Baker and George W. which means that I won't be able to reveal it until after the election. It's going to be excellent, though, you can pretty much count on that!

So don't worry that I'm not posting a lot. It's a lot of work coming up with secret plans. Try it and you'll see what I mean!

Bush and Sark Endorse KISS Strategy

In preparation for the presidency in '08, I've been looking at some of the question and answer sessions on "Ask the White House" -- an online interactive forum where you can submit questions to Administration officials and friends of the White House.

Although I probably don't really need any practice answering questions about the White House -- my life is uncannily similar to George W. Bush's -- it doesn't hurt to stay sharp, just like George W. does.

You see, (for those of you new to my blog), I'm thinking of running for president in 2008, and, if elected I plan to follow the lead of George W. Bush in all things. I will follow the same winning Bushian agenda in waging war, waging peace, and waging tax cuts. I will keep the good times going, Bush-style!

So, anyway, here's an actual question from an actual American named Jared from Tallahassee, followed by my practice answer. Then, for the heck of it, you can read the response of Clay Johnson, current Deputy Director for Management, Office of Management and Budget that's on the White House website.

I think you'll see I'm a bit more succint than Clay. But, I leave that to you to decide. Okay, so here we go:

Q: Jared, from Tallahassee writes:
What is the President's Management Agenda? Who serves on the council?

A: Paul M. Sark, a man who is uncannily similar to George W. Bush:
The President’s Management Agenda (PMA) is a short and simple: cut the government down to size and do more with less.

To help the agenda succeed, President Bush formed the President's Management Council (PMC). The PMC is a way for the departments and agencies to support the President’s government-wide priority to do more with less and cut the government down to size.

Last Friday, the President was briefed on the status of his management agenda by his council. They reported that every year we have done more and more with less and less. And that it's been good for us. And good for America. May God Bless America.

Okay, now here's how Clay Johnson answered. Read it and tell me I don't know how the PMA and PMC works!

Clay Johnson
The President’s Management Agenda (PMA) is a clear and focused strategy for improving the effectiveness of the Federal government. The Agenda contains five government-wide and nine agency-specific initiatives to strengthen management practices, increase government transparency and accountability, and improve program performance.

To help programs succeed and get results the President formed the President's Management Council (PMC). The PMC is made up of the departmental and agency chief operating officers who work with initiative leads at OMB. The PMC is a way for the departments and agencies to support the President’s government-wide priorities and to work together to solve problems.

Last Friday, the President was briefed on the status of his management agenda by his council. They reported that we're working to leave government better than we found it by effectively establishing the management disciplines that will help us consistently improve performance and efficiency each year.

I don't know about you, but I think I'm a lot less long-winded than Mr. Johnson. Better at communicating the core ideas of Bushianism.

Over the new few days, I'm going to continue to answer questions posted on "Ask the White House." And like George W. does, I promise to KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid!).

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, KISS, Liberals

Bush Sees Rising Rates of the "Unacceptable" -- And So Do I!

According to an article in the Washington Post today, in the first nine months of this year, George W. Bush declared more than twice as many events or outcomes "unacceptable" or "not acceptable" as he did in all of 2005, and nearly four times as many as he did in 2004. Specifically, Bush's denunciation of events as unacceptable number 37 so far this year, as opposed to five in 2003, 18 in 2002 and 14 in 2001.

This kind of reporting is unacceptable if you ask me. As a man whose life is remarkably similar to that of George W. Bush's, it is simply not acceptable for a newspaper like the Washington Post to publish articles about how many times our president uses certain words. What are they? Word bookeepers? How is counting words news?

Not only that, but then the article then goes on to suggest that George W. isn't getting his way as much as he used to. That he's getting frustrated. Which is why he finds a lot more things to be "unacceptable." That's their "proof" that he's not getting his way.

The real truth is that things really are more unacceptable now than a few years ago. George W. is only telling the truth. He's a truth teller. Everyone knows that every year that passes things get more unacceptable. It's axiomatic, like 2 + 2 equaling 4. Like the sun coming up in the morning and going down at night. It's the way God designed things. As we get closer to the Apocalypse, things get more unacceptable. Especially to Liberals, of course who will be going to Hell, unlike Me & George W. and people who voted for him. And who will vote for me. If I run for president.

As anyone who has a head on their shoulders knows, liberals get more and more unacceptable every year. Liberals therefore account for a huge proportion of unacceptability.

That is why George Bush has been using the word more often. Because liberals, those dupes of the Islamofacists and North Koreans are getting more and more unacceptable. Every year these evil doers keep doing more evil. It therefore stands to reason that as evil increases so does the total amount of unacceptability.

When I pointed this out to my liberal sister-in-law, Ginger, she laughed and said, "Maybe the real reason Bush keeps finding more things to be 'unacceptable' is that the rest of the world is finding him more unacceptable. It's a vicious cycle: as Bush is more and more unacceptable to reasonable people, he finds that the world is more and more unacceptable to him."

"That's nonsense," I shot back. "That's just liberal sophistry. You liberals love the unacceptable. Endorse and promote it. Like the liberals who released the story about that disgusting perderast, Foley. The timing was completely unacceptable."

Ginger laughed again. "Really? Was it? I'm so sorry to hear that."

"You liberals and your liberal cynicism and joking," I shot back. "It's impossible to have a reasonsed discussion with you. You are fundamentally unserious people."

"I've got to go, Paul," Ginger said at that point. "You make me tired."

Well, of course, I knew that was just a way for her to end the conversation because I was winning the argument. She's always doing that. Not only are Liberals sophists, they can't engage in healthy debate because they know they'll lose every time. So they whine and slink off to take naps and dream ridiculous liberal dreams full of cotton candy and ponies for everybody.

I don't know about you, but I think that's totally unacceptable!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, North Korea, Liberals, Iran

Bush Policies on N. Korea to Continue Another 10 Years

The American people like their presidents to be just plain folks, like Me & George W. They like the kind of president who they can see themselves having a beer and watching the game with. At the same time they want the kind of president who is never too busy to defend them against Islamofacists, Liberals and North Koreans. And Iranians. And that diablo peligroso, Hugo Chavez.

As I have said before, I see myself as being presidential timber of this beer drinking, television-watching, defending sort. That's because my life is so remarkably similar to George W. Bush's life. I think I have proven this beyond a shadow of a doubt at this point in time in this blog.

I must say in all honesty though that if I were to run for president I would have to stipulate at the outset that I do not drink beer -- Me & George W. are fond of bourbon -- but I think honesty is the best policy with the American people and that they'll understand. I mean, whatever floats your boat, right? As for the Islamofacists, Liberals and other members of the Axis of Evil -- well, I promise I will do just as good a job of protecting the American people as George W. does, too. I would keep Dick Cheney on as VP to make sure of that.

So I continue to think it's a good idea my running for president. I'm presently designing a bumpersticker to that effect. Here's what I've got so far:

World Bush-i-fication!
Vote Sark in 2008
Keep the Good Times Going!

What do you think, my fellow Americans? I look forward to your suggestions and comments.

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, North Korea, 2008, Iran

Bush Had "Inkling" About Foley 11 Years Ago -- And So Did I!

According to an article in the Washington Post a "former House page says he was warned in 1995 to steer clear of a freshman Republican from Florida [Mark Foley], who already was learning the names of the teenagers, dashing off notes, letters and e-mails to them and asking them to join him for ice cream."

The article goes on to say that "Mark Beck-Heyman, now a graduate student in clinical psychology at George Washington University, and more than a dozen other former House pages said in interviews and via e-mail that Rep. Mark Foley was known to be extraordinarily friendly in a way that made some of them uncomfortable."

It now occurs to me that George W. Bush had an inkling something wasn't "right" about Foley not just ten months ago as I previously reported here and not just 5 years ago as I reported here but in fact, had a previous inkling about Mark Foley 11 years ago in 1995, too.

How do I know this? Because I have a life that is amazingly similar to the life of George W. Bush and I had an inkling 11 years ago, too. If I had an inkling, chances are excellent that George W. had an inkling, too. After all, as masculine as Me & George W. are, we can sense "gayness" from a mile, or many miles, or even thousands of miles away, and even just from a photograph.

I now recall that I sent George W. a letter at the time asking him if he had a similar inkling about Mark Foley. And although I didn't hear back from George W., I assumed it had been taken care of, and, based on my similarity to George W., I'll bet he assumed that it had been taken care of, too.

So, there you have it. Me & George W. with our finely tuned gut feelings about people, especially gay people, had inklings and assumed it would be taken care of.

We both feel for Denny Hastert now, but frankly, Me & George W. tried as hard as we could!

As usual, Me & George W. remain blameless!



Technorati Tags: Bush, Foley, Sark, Man boy action, Hastert

Bush Had "Inkling" About Foley 5 Years Ago -- And So Did I!

It now appears that Republican congressman, Mark Foley, was known to have propositioned underage male pages not just ten months ago as originally reported, but sixty months ago.

Foley, who crusaded against child exploitation, resigned in disgrace on Friday after a slew of sexually explicit internet conversations with underage boys were made public.

It now occurs to me that George W. Bush had an inkling something wasn't "right" about Foley not just ten months ago as I previously reported, but in fact, had a previous inkling sixty months ago, too.

How do I know this? Because I have a life that is amazingly similar to the life of George Bush and I had an inkling 60 months ago, too. If I have an inkling, chances are better than 99 in 100 that George W. had an inkling, too.

I now recall that I sent George W. an email at the White House web site asking him if he had a similar inkling. I asked him if he had sent a note to Denny Hastert.

Although I didn't hear back from George W., I assumed it had been taken care of, and, based on my similarity to George W., I'll bet he assumed that it had been taken care of, too, when he sent the note to Denny Hastert. I mean it's just not the kind of thing you would forget.

So, there you have it. Me & George W., with our finely tuned gut feelings about people, had inklings and assumed it would be taken care of. We both feel for Denny Hastert, but frankly, he didn't take care of it, and now, well, that's his responsibility.

Me & George W. can't do everything!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Foley, Sark, Man boy action, Perversity

Bush Sensed Foley's Perversity 10 Months Ago -- And I Knew About It, Too!

As the world now knows, Republican congressman, Mark Foley, who crusaded against child exploitation, resigned in disgrace on Friday after a slew of sexually explicit internet conversations with underage boys were made public.

"I think the Democratic leadership should have been told 10 months ago," said Rep. Jane Harman of California, top Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee, referring to the fact that the top Republican Denny Hastert had been told about the emails 10 months before. "I gather that basically nothing was done except that Foley was warned."

George W. Bush had an inkling something wasn't "right" about Foley 10 months ago. He asked his wife, Laura to remind him to look into it, but Ms. Bush forgot.

How do I know this? Because I have a life that is amazingly similar to the life of George Bush and I had a dream in which I was party to a conversation between George W. and Laura about his inkling.

I didn't think much of it at the time, but now I see how important it was. I wish I had taken the time to remind George W. to check into that Foley guy!

Anyway, here's the dream I had ten months ago about George W.'s inkling:

George and Laura Bush were getting ready for bed when the President, wadding up his jockey shorts and tossing them across the bedroom into the open hamper in the corner said suddenly: "Laura, honey, I got a bad feelin' about that Foley fellow down there in Florida."

"What kind of bad feelin', Lil' Daddy?" Laura asked lazily, slipping out of her brassiere and reaching for her negligee.

"Somethin' about him I don't like," George said. "The way he's always talkin' about helpin' the poor missin' kids? Remember that fella Father Bruce Ritter in New York? Everyone thought he was just helpin' those runaways, but he was engagin' in abominations with them poor boys!"

"He was a friend of Big Daddy's," Laura recalled, fluffing up her pillow and stretching out kittenishly. "I think he had dinner here at the White House, didn't he?" She reached over to her bedside table, found her cigarettes and ashtray. "Can you pour me a bourbon, Georgie Dub?" she asked, lighting up, blowing a perfect smoke ring toward the ceiling.

"Remind me in the mornin' to call ol' Denny Hastert," George said, pulling on his pajama bottoms. "I feel somethin' in my gut. Somethin' ain't right about him."

"I feel somethin', too, Georgie Dub," Laura said, slapping the empty space next to her on the bed. "So why you puttin' on your PJs, Lil' Daddy? Pour a bourbon for yourself and get on over here."

"What's the ol' sayin' about power you're always quotin' to me?" George asked absentmindedly, ignoring Laura's request.

"Oh, you mean "power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely?"

"Yeah, that's the one. Was that Shakespeare who said that?"

"It was Lord Acton, honey," Laura said gently. "Can you pour us some bourbons now. I've got a powerful thirst."

"Maybe I should have that put in a speech," George said, walking to the liquor cabinet. "Somethin' about freedom and corruption. How free and powerful people can either choose good clean power, or bad corrupt power."

"That's fine, honey," Laura said with a trace of impatience. "But no speechifying tonight, darling. Tonight I want to see that man of action that I married."

"What's that -- hmmm -- Oh yeah," George said, at last catching on to Laura's overtures. "I'm your man of action, baby!"

"Hot action," Laura corrected him. "Hot hot action between a married man and his wife. The only kind that God allows."

"What is it about folks like Ritter and Foley that they want that man boy action?" George wondered aloud, bringing the bourbon bottle and glasses over to the bed. "I mean I get sick just thinkin' about it."

"Oh I don't know, Georgie," Laura said, accepting the glass from her husband and taking a sip. "From what I hear tell in most of them porn videos there's almost always hot girl on girl action. Men seem to like that."

"But that's different," George said, raising his eyebrows. "That's entirely different. That's not a degrading abomination, that's just honest masculine curiousity thinkin' about that."

"Did you ever think about that, Georgie," Laura asked sweetly, stirring the bourbon with her index finger. "Did you ever want to have two women at once?"

George stood up, his face suddenly flushed. "And I suppose you want it with two men at the same time! Is that what you're sayin'? You and Big Daddy and Colin Powell, maybe? Don't you ever go and think that I'll forget how you -- oh my God in Heaven: did you do it with both of them at the same time? -- you harlot, you slut, you horny bitch!"

"No, Georgie, no!" Laura said fearfully, tears springing to her eyes. "Don't start that again! I'm faithful, I'm your faithful wife -- you know that!"

George W. pointed to the chest of drawers across the room. "Is that the chiffarobe you asked Colin to bust up for you? Is that the one?"

Then he pointed to Laura. "If anybody's gonna be busting up your chiffarobe, it's gonna be me!"

That's when I woke up.

I remember I thought that I should probably email George W. as a second reminder to Laura's, but I was sure she'd remember to tell him. I'm not blaming Laura for not reminding him. I couldn't blame her without blaming myself. I just thought the American people should know that just like his gut feelings about WMD in Iraq, George W. had a gut feeling about Foley, too.

Sometimes I'm just so proud to be so similar to George W.!


Technorati Tags: Bush, Foley, Sark, Man boy action, Perversity

George Bush and "Shim Theory"

Yesterday, George W. Bush met with business leaders of the Lebanon Private Sector Initiative (LBSI) in the Oval Office to discuss business and democracy.

The leaders included CEO John Chambers of Cisco Systems, Craig Barret of Intel Corp., CEO Ray Irani of Occidental Petroleum Corp.

President Bush stated during the meeting: "Our goal, and our mission, is to help Lebanese citizens and Lebanese businesses not only recover, but to flourish, because we believe strongly in the concept of a democracy in Lebanon." He also said: "May God bless the good people of Lebanon."

I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is strikingly similar to that of George W. Bush recently said something very similar to my wife. Last night in fact. I said: "America's goal and mission is to help Lebanese citizens and Lebanese businesses not only recover, but flourish because Me & George W. believe strongly in business in Lebanon as the first step to a real democracy. Selfless American businessmen want nothing more than to help establish a beach head for business and promote democracy."

My wife, who tends to be non-committal when it comes to politics thought it sounded like a good idea. "That's great, honey," she said. "Can you help me shim up the bookcase in the living room? It's a little tippy since we rearranged the furniture over the weekend."

A lightbulb went on in my head. I snapped my fingers in delight and said: "In a way, that's what Me & George W. do to promote democracy -- rearrange a country's furniture to get better circulation, better circulation of people and money and democracy!" I went to the desk and made a note of this revelation.

While I was writing down "Furniture, Circulation, Money, Democracy" my wife asked: "Isn't what George W. does more like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic?"

"In a way, yes," I agreed. "Except that when people like Me & George W. rearrange the furniture on deck, we also rearrange things in the engine room. And once we get that engine room humming, countries like Lebanon are able to avoid economic icebergs and sail safely into the welcoming harbor of global capitalism."

"Can you help me now do you think?" my wife asked. "This bookcase is really tippy."

I took the shims from my wife, leaned into the bookcase and stuck two shims under the bottom right corner. Standing up, I took satisfaction in my work.

"Sometimes all a country needs is a one shim, but sometimes two," I said. "Some shims need to be really big. But as the largest economy in the world we are happy to shim up countries like Lebanon so that they can stand up proudly and participate in global democracy."

"It's still a little tippy," my wife said, rocking the bookcase forward and backward. "Maybe we need another one?"

"Me & George W. have plenty of shims," I agreed. "And so does Cisco, Intel and Occidental Petroleum."

"Why don't you go work on your deck chair ideas now," my wife suggested, holding out her hand for the shims. "I'll take care of this."

"It's all about shimming and cooperation," I said, my brain firing on all cylinders. "Thanks, honey, for all the great ideas."

I worked on my shim ideas until dinner and got it to the point where I think I have a new business model for the United States and the rest of the world. You've heard of String Theory? Well, let me tell you, that's nothing compared to Shim Theory!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Lebanon, String Theory, Shim Theory

Bush's Black Dog -- and Mine, Too!

In another startling similarity between myself and the president of the United States, Me & George W. both own black dogs!

Now, without going to the White House website, can you tell which one is George W.'s black dog and which one's mine?

Ready? Guess...right...NOW!


Now click here to get the answer.

Were you right? If so, please leave a comment about how it feels to be right. Know that if you are right, you've won the feeling of satisfaction that comes with being right. And in that self-satisfaction you are feeling something of how it feels to be Me & George W.

If you were wrong, put your tail between your legs and skulk slowly away. Me & George W. can't stand losers. And neither can the American people!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Rightness, Black Dog, Self-Satisfaction

Bush Calls Chavez "El Diablo" -- And So Do I!

Hugo Chavez, the dangerouly unstable ultra-leftist president of Venezuela, called George W. Bush "the devil" in his speech at the U.N. yesterday.

In an interesting inversion, I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is amazingly similar to George W. Bush's, yesterday called Hugo Chavez "El Diablo."

Because my life is similar to George Bush's, I suspect George W. called Chavez "El Diablo," too. Unlike Chavez however, I'm sure George W. only called Chavez "El Diablo" in his own mind and never said it out loud. Because George W. is a true gentleman and statesman.

I, on the other hand, called Chavez "El Diablo" out loud to the gang at McCann's Lounge. (While my life is similar to George W.'s, they are not exactly the same.)

I began my name calling speech to my colleagues at McCann's by noting that Chavez had been at the U.N. that day. Then I said: "El Diablo came to the U.N. Here in New York. Right here. And it smells of sulphorous Venezuelan farts all over New York now." I then grasped my nose my right with thumb and forefinger and pretended to gasp for breath.

Later at home, I said to my wife: "The president of the Venezuela should go before an international tribunal." I then compared the Chavez administration's actions to those of the Nazis.

Interestingly, I read later that Hugo Chavez said almost the same things I said about him that he said about George W. So I guess in addtion to being El Diablo, Chavez is a copycat, too!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Chavez, U.N., Devil, El Diablo

Bush at U.N. -- Spreading the Spore of Freedom!

President Bush, speaking at the U.N. yesterday, made another speech about how people are making the choice for freedom the world over.

President Bush's speech was remarkably similar to remarks I, Paul M. Sark, made to my liberal sister-in-law, Ginger, last night when she called on the phone to speak to my wife.

See if you don't agree!

THE PRESIDENT: Freedom, by its nature, cannot be imposed -- it must be chosen. From Beirut to Baghdad, people are making the choice for freedom. And the nations gathered in this chamber must make a choice, as well: Will we support the moderates and reformers who are working for change across the Middle East -- or will we yield the future to the terrorists and extremists? America has made its choice: We will stand with the moderates and reformers.

Now read what I said to Ginger:

PAUL M. SARK: Freedom, by its nature, cannot be imposed -- it must grow from the freedom spores that we have been dropping the world over. From Beirut to Baghdad, people must plant the freedom spores we give them. We'll help for awhile, but the nations gathered in this chamber must make a choice, as well: Will we support the Middle Eastern moderates and reformers who accept the freedom spore -- or will we let the killers, murderers, terrorists, extremists and other bad gardeners uproot the tender green shoots of freedom? America has made its choice: We will stand with the tender young shoots.

LIBERAL SISTER-IN-LAW, GINGER: Spores? Shoots? Freedom? You make it all sound like some biology class.

PAUL M. SARK: Freedom is natural and so is biology. People in the Middle East need to listen to their God-given bodies and let the freedom happen.

LIBERAL SISTER-IN-LAW, GINGER: Are we talking orgies here, Paul?

PAUL M. SARK: Of course you liberals always turn everything into a question about sex. You prefer the profane to the sacred. The condom to the cross. You prefer bicycles to cars and walking to riding. Tell me this, if dogs could drive, wouldn't they drive?

LIBERAL SISTER-IN-LAW: Are you asking me if dogs would choose to wear condoms and crosses and drive cars? Let me talk to your wife. I haven't got time for this.

Ginger always gives up and asks to speak to my wife when she doesn't want to admit that I'm right.



Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, U.N., Freedom, Ginger

NYC Police Grant U.N. Protest Permit to Rabble

The New York City Police have given the green light to a radical left-wing fringe organization, United for Peace and Justice, to protest the War on Terror in front of the United Nations in New York tomorrow during George Bush's speech.

According to many well-informed colleagues of mine at McCann's Lounge, the radical protesters plan to burn flags, perform abortions, and recite the Pledge of Allegiance without mentioning God. They also plan to cricitize George W. Bush's policy in Iraq.

As a man whose life is strikingly similar to George W. Bush's, I am not surprised that the New York City Police Department knuckled under to the demands of the protest organizers.

Heavily unionized, the NYPD are closet socialists. In cahoots with other socialist organizations the world over, "New York's Finest" have an agenda that is very similar to the left-wing protestors.

That agenda includes universal health insurance and overtime pay, two socialistic practices embraced by Communists, Nazis, Islamofacists and most UN member nations.

Me & George W. have a lot of respect for the "thin blue line" that polices the boundaries between civilzation and Islamofacist anarchy. But we also know that soon a line must drawn against police unions, too.

Coercive and inefficient, unions exploit their members. Not only that, but union bosses are criminals and crooks. They do not have the best interests of their members at heart. Not like employers do. Employers care deeply about their employees. After all, they employ them!

Has a union ever created a business? No. Unions have only destroyed businesses. Unions are parasitic on the entreprenurial spirit of heroic entreprenuers.

If the NYPD can ever throw off its union shackles, New York will be a much safer city. Illegal protests will become a thing of the past.

And Me & George W. will be a lot happier!

Technorati Tags: Bush, UN, NYPD, Socialism, Islamofacism

Bush Accuses Powell of "Flawed Logic" on Torture Policy -- Sark Agrees

President Bush, looking trim, fit and focused, spoke with purposeful passion at a White House Rose Garden press conference, where he called "unacceptable" and premised on "flawed logic" Colin Powell's statement that the world is beginning to doubt the moral basis of America's fight against terrorism.

President Bush's response to the impertinent liberal views of Colin Powell were strikingly similar to remarks I, Paul M. Sark, made to my liberal sister-in-law, Ginger last night at dinner.

See if you don't agree!

QUESTION FROM TERRY, LIBERAL REPORTER (White House, Rose Garden): Mr. President, former Secretary of State Colin Powell says the world is beginning to doubt the moral basis of our fight against terrorism. If a former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and former Secretary of State feels this way, don't you think that Americans and the rest of the world are beginning to wonder whether you're following a flawed strategy?

THE PRESIDENT: If there's any comparison between the compassion and decency of the American people and the terrorist tactics of extremists, it's flawed logic. I simply can't accept that. It's unacceptable to think that there's any kind of comparison between the behavior of the United States of America and the action of Islamic extremists who kill innocent women and children to achieve an objective, Terry.

Now read Ginger's question and my response:

QUESTION FROM, GINGER, LIBERAL SISTER-IN-LAW TO PAUL M. SARK (Backyard, Sark House): If a guy who was the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs thinks the Geneva Conventions are fine the way they are, doesn't that mean something? Doesn't it mean that most people know that Bush and his cabal need to be stopped before they totally fuck up America and the world?

PAUL M. SARK: How can you compare the American people to terrorists? I don't see how the American people, especially American women and children, could ever be accused of torturing terrorists and Islamic extremists. It's unacceptable to think that there's any kind of comparison between women and children in America and the actions of Islamic extremist women and children who kill to achieve an objective, Ginger.

LIBERAL SISTER-IN-LAW, GINGER: What? What kind of crazy-ass logic is that, Paul? Torture is torture no matter who does it. And if we're thought of as a nation that endorses torture, then we have no moral standing. And we used to have some moral standing in the world. Truth, justice and the American Way, remember?

PAUL M. SARK: Next question, please. Let's see. How about you, Don?

LIBERAL SISTER-IN-LAW, GINGER: I'm waiting for my answer, Paul.

PAUL M. SARK: Who are you? Helen Thomas? You had your turn. Let my brother Don here ask me a question.

LIBERAL SISTER-IN-LAW: Just make sure you "stay on message," Sark, because if you ever go off message, you might actually have an original thought of your very own. And then you'd have to kill yourself.

At that point, I took a question from Don about when I thought the Mets would clinch the pennant.

Ginger got up and went to the bathroom where she probably had a nice little liberal cry all by herself, liberally wallowing in the "injustice of it all." Sentimental bleeding-heart liberals like Clinton love to cry. When they're not crying they're copulating.

Liberals will never admit it, but it was liberal crying and copulating that killed 3,000 people on 9/11 and which made torturing terrorists necessary and acceptable.

'Nuff said!

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Powell, Rose Garden, Ginger

Seeking to Perpetuate Bush Policy, Sark Still Considering Presidential Run in 2008

I, Paul M. Sark, whose life is strikingly similar to the life of George W. Bush, am still considering a run for the presidency in 2008.

As I noted in a previous entry, it is clear to me our nation and the world needs at least another four years of Bushian leadership -- preferably another eight years. Since George W. can't run again, that leaves me.

Who else but Me & George W. listen to our guts and hearts the way we do? And have such similar hearts and guts? Who else has the courage to be the Decider on all matters related to civilization, Western and Eastern? Who else listens to our Father -- who art in Heaven, not the one in Kennebunkport or Syracuse -- and who know that He has absolute faith in Our faith in Him? And that Our faith in His faith in Us is based absolutely on His faith in Us in Him. Amen!

I suppose Dick Cheney could run. But unless God steps in and fixes that bum ticker of Dick's that's a non-starter. Of course, unless He steps in and fixes Dick's ticker, or breathes the breath of life into him after his ticker stops ticking. Let me say, unequivocally, that if Dick Cheney is resurrected by God, I will humbly stop aside and let Dick pursue the presidency. After all, me and Cheney are drinking buddies!


There's Don Rumsfeld, another drinking buddy of mine, who would also make a great president. But I don't think America is prepared for someone of such awesome intellectual power.

The American people like their presidents to be just plain folks, like Me & George W.. They like the kind of president who they can see themselves having a beer and watching the game with. Even though George W. doesn't drink beer anymore, he and I are fond of bourbon, and I think that will work for the people of America.

So I continue to think it's a good idea my running for president. What do you think, my fellow Americans?

Technorati Tags: Bush, Sark, Bush, 2008, Bush