Bush the Decider Gets New Title

My first act as the new White House Press Secretary will be to give the administration a new focus.

I'm getting the impression that the shake-up at the White House doesn't go quite far enough. Now, don't get me wrong. The resignations of Andrew Card and Scott McClellan were good first steps. But I think the adminstration needs to go beyond cosmetic personnel changes and reposition itself as being on the cutting edge of management theory, too!

Something revolutionary is called for. So in the best New Economy tradition where experts are called gurus or corporate holy men, I'm going to suggest to George W. Bush that he abandon his old-fashinoned Old Economy title of President and take up instead a new breakthrough title: Chief Decisioneer!

Bold and visionary, don't you think. But I can't take complete credit for this idea. If you've ever watched one of those great "the making of" documentaries that come with Disney blockbuster movies, then you know that the cartoonists and computer animators are called "imagineers."

For those of you who don't know, an imagineer is kind of like being an engineer except what they're engineering is pixels and scripts which will be a lot of my job. Of course, I'm not saying that George W. is not imaginative. But his biggest strength is decisioneering. He's got plenty of imagineers around him that do the imagineering, and, of course, I'll be there, too, once they see my resume.

Donald Rumsfeld, for instance, imagined putting a different engine in a tank 30 years ago. And a more powerful gun to boot. And he imagined using a small highly mobile strike force that could beat an enemy with information. And also Shock and Awe, which even liberals have to admit was pretty awesome.

Anyway, I've got some more punchy new ideas that I'm working on in this vein, so stay tuned. Also, if you've got ideas, be sure to let me know! I want the new White House to be even more responsive to the average citizens of this country than it was previously. I don't know if that's possible, but I'm going to try just the same!

(By the way, if you're wondering why I didn't illustrate this post with a picture of Mickey Mouse it's because I hear those Disney lawyers are really tough! That's the way it should be, of course, because if you don't stop people from using your intellectual property then the whole free enterprise system would slide into anarchy and chaos just like those terrorists want!)