Tony Snow Gets Call For White House Press Secretary Job -- And So Do I!

There's a lot of rumors floating around that Tony Snow will get the job as White House Press Secretary instead of me, Paul M. Sark, a man whose life is amazingly similar to the life of George W. Bush.

Incredibly, it's that liberal website, Salon.com, that's got the story right. They know that the Tony Snow rumors are a "snow job," and that there's a dark horse, namely me, waiting in the wings who is getting the call.

Actually, I already got the call, but I'll explain that in a second.

First read this from Salon.com:

"We have no idea whether Snow will really get the job or if the talk about him is simply a way to throw everyone off the scent and dampen criticism of the eventual pick."

So how do I know that I'm getting the call instead of Tony Snow?

Because yesterday, around 3 a.m., according to my caller ID, I got a call from "UNKNOWN," a very well known "UNKNOWN" if you know what I mean.

I didn't bother to get up and answer it because I thought it was a wrong number, but when I checked the message this morning it was pretty clear it was the White House calling.

First there was some heavy breathing on the line, then someone in the background said "Jesus Christ, where's the bourbon," then the guy on the phone said, "Are you sure this is the right number?" Then another guy said, "What did you dial?" and then I heard this terrific crash in the background.

There was total silence for a few seconds and then someone else, someone with a Texas accent said: "Mission Accomplished."

Someone else said "What a mess."

The call got cut off at that point, but it's pretty obvious to me that I'll be getting a call again tonight from the White House once they clean up the mess.

So, dear friends and regular readers, you heard it here first!