I have good reason to believe that George W. Bush is drinking again. How do I know that? Here's how I know... Regular readers of this blog know that my life and the life of President George W. Bush are amazingly similar. For example, I have principles, I believe your money is your money and your body is your body. I also have an incredibly low approval rating at the moment.
I, like George W., believe that there are good immigrants and bad immmigrants. I recently leaked secret information. I also make speeches about freedom and liberty, and while I have not invaded another country like Iraq, I did once try to break into a police station, and more recently crashed a wedding when I was on a toot.
So, do you remember the identity property from geometry -- X = X? So think about this: if George Bush and I lead amazingly similar lives, then our lives are similar no matter which side of the equation "X" is on. I'm X and he's X. So if I'm drinking, then he's drinking! Since I'm definitely off the wagon, he must be, too!
How else to explain that he keeps making the same speech over and over again about Iraq even though nobody's the least bit interested? It's because he's drunk! Drunks repeat themselves. I know that having been drunk on more than a few occasions and having been out with drunks on even more occasions.
I mean everybody knows the punchline to the Iraq speech -- FREEDOM! So why does he keep telling the story? Because he's been drinking and he thinks it's a good story that everyone wants to hear. Simple as that.
I mean, I know I shouldn't tell that police station story. Every time I do everyone shouts out the punchline before I do -- FREEDOM! -- but when I'm drunk I think telling the joke is a good idea and I just can't stop myself.
Just like George W.!
6 comments:
Perhaps you should email him and ask to meet over beers? Or maybe he's more of a 20-year-old scotch man. Well, you would know what he prefers.
It's uncanny how much that makes sense!
And, Grant Miller, I see George as a beer man, don't you?
I think George is a fruity-rum-drink kinda guy and a sloppy drunk. Regardless, I have to agree with you once again Paul, because it seems like he's saying all the exact same things about Iran now that he did about Iraq. He also seems to be a little out-of-control lately. Perhaps it's all that bad news. Perhaps an intervention is in order...?
I see GWB presenting himself as a beer man (the cowboy, 'of the people' image), but I see him actually preferring extremely rare and expensive Scotch or fine wines (more in line with his Blue blood upbringing). And cocaine. I see him liking cocaine.
I think he drinks Lone Star in Texas, 100 yr. old scotch in the White House, slugs moonshine in Tennessee, and smokes crack everywhere he can!
In my opinion it's more manly to drink to get drunk than to have a drink to relax.
So, I don't do the fancy scotch, or the beer or the wine. The fancy scotch is too complicated tasting. Beer takes too long, and wine is for liberals.
So I drink, and I would think, based on the other amazing similarites we share, that George W. drinks Wild Turkey -- the 100 proof stuff -- and never less than a double.
Speaking of which, I'm a little thirsty right now. And I'll bet George W. is too!
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