Cheney's Resignation? -- Not So Fast, Say I, Paul M. Sark

In my capacity as someone whose life is surprisingly similar to George W. Bush's, and who because of that will become the new White House Press Secretary any day now, I've been studying up on the techniques of the Scott McClellan, the current press secretary.

Here's an example of question he was asked today and his answer. Immediately following, I give my answer to the same question. I think you'll see I'm going to bring to the job a new approach. Here's the real Q & A:

Q The L.A. Times editorial has called for Vice President Cheney to resign. Any reaction to that?

MR. McCLELLAN: I haven't read The L.A. Times editorial.

Now here's the Q & A my way:

Q The L.A. Times editorial has called for Vice President Cheney to resign. Any reaction to that?

MR. SARK, flailing arms about head: What the hell kind of question is that? Do you want Dick to resign? Is that what you want? Because if you do, why don't you just come right out and say it, you liberal press weasel!

It's 'cause you're scared, that's why. You're scared of Dick, aren't you? You're right to be scared of Dick -- that's at least sensible. Get on with you, now you cowards. And don't bother me any more today."

Forceful and forthright, just like George W. That's what the "New Look" White House is going to be under my administration.